Weekends suck

I don't know about everybody else celebrating the Labor Day weekend, but I am NOT a happy camper. My daughter stays with her dad on the weekends. And sometimes, it's pretty hard for me when she's gone. I am literally a mess. :( One Saturday night, I called my mom to talk to her because I was so upset about it. My younger brother answered the phone and when he heard how upset I was, he got all mad and wanted my ex's email address so he could send him a little "love note."

Well. My ex has got vistations. He's got that right to the visitations. But it's just so hard for me. I miss my baby. :(

Last night, I couldn't sleep. At all. I was tossing and turning. And even though I had some of my daughter's toys in the room with me, I just missed her TOO MUCH to be able to sleep. I finally gave up and got online, at 4:24 a.m. A friend/cowriter in New York was online and she IMed me saying, "You're up early."

"I never slept," I typed back.

I told her how I was so upset being apart from my daughter and she suggested I talk to a doctor about getting some sleeping pills or something to help calm me. I don't take sleeping pills, so she suggested an herb to try instead. She said I should try SOMETHING. I couldn't let this continue. It will get me sick. She had a good point about that.

I don't normally hang out with anyone on the weekends. Would be NICE to! But all my friends are either too busy or...we just don't "hang out." And I TRY to keep my mind off of her being gone by throwing myself into writing/editing work or even reading books, but that only lasts for so long... Same goes for being online. The house just feels so empty.

I am SO attached to my baby girl. I mean, she's EVERYTHING to me. It's been two months since she started spending the weekends with her dad but I'm not used to it yet. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I'm just so used to her being HERE, home with me. If she was in school, that'd be different. That's only 4-5 hours. Not 48 hours. Ugh. It's so hard. And now THIS weekend, it's 72 hours...

Most people look forward to the weekends. I don't. It's nice having some free time, but it's not nice when my baby isn't at home with me. :(