Our trip to California for my sister's wedding

Last month – on the 22, actually – we did something we had been spending months and weeks preparing for: We traveled to the California desert to attend my youngest sister’s wedding. She and her longtime partner, Allison, finally tied the knot – after 20 years together! We were so excited and happy to see the two of them get married. Even before Millie married Allison, we knew her as Millie’s friend, and she’s been a part of my family for a long time. And even before it became legal last month, I considered Allison to be my sister-in-law and the kids considered her to be their aunt.

So on February 25, 2017, Millie Colclasure and Allison Warner were married. It was such a beautiful wedding. I got to be a part of the "bride tribe" – one of the maids-of-honor. And I’m a 42-year-old married woman! But I still got to be a part of her bridesmaids. Two of my other sisters were there, too, as bridesmaids: Jeanette and Elizabeth (Liz). Both of them are also married and a little older than a typical bridesmaid. But there we were, her sisters, a part of the ceremony to witness her marry the love of her life.

It was truly amazing and beautiful to witness the joining of the Warner and Colclasure families. We love everyone in the Warner family and I even call Allison’s grandmother “Nana” just like everyone else. (So does Millie.)

My son, Jesse, was the ringbearer for the wedding. It was the first time ever he has been a ringbearer! He was so adorable and it was so cute to watch him walk down the aisle carrying the rings. My daughter, Trevor, was also a part of the wedding: She got to be one of Allison’s bridemaids. I was very happy that I and my children got to be a part of the ceremony.

We had quite an adventure getting from Eugene, Oregon to Palm Springs, California. Before we left, though, there was all this drama going on about the arrangements we had made with some people to take care of Trevor’s animals while we were gone. The whole thing stressed me out. On the day of the trip, I freaked out so bad that I thought of not going. It was either not going or putting the animals into the back of the van and taking them with us!! Fortunately, family and friends calmed me down and I was able to think logically again. (I guess I don’t handle stress well!) We made new arrangements and I set up back-up people in the event that didn’t go as we planned. Then there was more drama and I had to deal with THAT and after everything got squared away in all of the arrangements we had made, we were FINALLY able to leave.

We had planned to be on the road all night but that didn’t happen. We had car trouble in Medford. We ended up having to get a motel room in Medford for the night and then getting the van fixed the next morning. We had to get a new part for the van (OF COURSE!) but after that was cleared up, THEN we were finally on our way! Again!

The rest of the trip was uneventful. I posted updates about it on my personal Twitter account. And I took A LOT of pictures – both on the trip there, while we were there, and on the way back home.

The kids LOVED California. Jesse had been in California before, when he was one (he was born here in Eugene), but I’m not sure if he remembered much of it. They really soaked up the sun and checked out the palm trees. They had fun walking in the sand and going hiking with their cousins in the Thousand Palms Canyon.

I was so happy to be back on my home turf. Seeing those beautiful mountains and those amazing palm trees again made me feel like I was in Heaven. I never realized just how much I missed all of it. And it was good to see family again, too. I hadn’t seen them for years! Kids had grown so big since I last saw them. I was sad I didn’t get to see everybody, but I was cherishing every minute I spent with the family I did get to see. There were lots of hugs, tears, laughter and we all took lots of pictures.

It was just an amazing and awesome experience. It created a lot of happy memories I will cherish for years. Same with the kids.

I have not yet downloaded all of the pictures from the trip (though you can see some of them on my personal Twitter account!) or pictures from the wedding but I will upload them all soon. Meanwhile, the picture shared here is one I got from my sister on FB. It was great to see family again, meet new family and make new friends. I was sad to leave but we all decided that we should make plans to go out and visit more often.

So we are back home in Eugene, Oregon. I have been spending the week getting EVERYTHING unpacked, sorted and put away. We ended up with a pair of shoes and a sweater that didn't belong to us and found out they belonged to other family members! Oops! I have also tackled a mountain of laundry, restocked the house with food, and got the kids back on schedule for school and sports. Jesse is happy to be back with his basketball team again! Trevor turned in all the homework done while we were away and the people who took care of our animals were thanked and paid. We have also enjoyed sharing and looking at all of the pictures taken from the trip and the wedding. I have also been taking a little time here and there to sort through the ton of email I had waiting for me.

Many thanks to the people who helped us out for this occasion: My sister, Millie, Allison, my other sister, Jeanette, and our friends Kim, Miette, Julie, Tim and Oscar.

I may have returned to Oregon, but I left my heart in California. I guess I’m a California girl for life, no matter how long I live in another state. I’ll be California dreaming for a very long time – at least, until I will get to go back again. I hope that will be soon.  

Adopting a family for Christmas

Every December, I make it a point to help a family for Christmas. It could be giving them money to buy Christmas gifts or helping them get a tree or even giving gifts to their kids. But this year, I got an idea for something to do to help a family that’s struggling.

Earlier this month, I was chatting with someone on Facebook who shared with me that they were having some financial problems. The way it looked, they wouldn’t be able to get their kids any Christmas presents. I soon made it my mission to get some presents for the children.

Well, while I was out shopping with Jennifer today – so that she could buy Christmas gifts for her friends – an idea struck. Why not buy gifts for the mom and dad that we were helping, too? Just get gifts for the whole family!

In other words, “adopt” them for Christmas.

When I was a kid, my family struggled every Christmas. I’m the third of seven children so it’s not like there was a whole lot of money available for Christmas. My family struggled a lot so Christmases were hard. But some years, my family would be “adopted” and some other people got us Christmas gifts.

I was thinking today, why not do that this year? I could just buy a Christmas present for everyone in a family!

I shared this idea with Jennifer and she thought it was a good one. So we “adopted” this family for Christmas and got them all a gift. I felt so great about doing this that I told Jen, “I want to do this every year!”

So that’s going to be a new Christmas tradition for us. And we already know what family we plan to adopt next year!

Our trip to the coast

Today we went out to visit the Oregon coast. I was very excited about the prospect of going there because I love seeing the coast. It’s such an awesome place! We have not been there for years. I would say it’s been about 6 or 7 years since we last went there. Jesse was only 2 years old! So I was glad to go.

When we went last time, we saw the Heceta Head lighthouse (we didn’t tour it) as well as the Sea Lion Caves. We didn’t see those things this times. It would have been nice to see the lighthouse, but maybe some other time.

But we still visited one spot where a picture was taken of me and the kids: A large steel anchor in Old Town Florence. Jen didn’t want to be in that picture this time so it was just Jesse.

My back had gone out on me last weekend and today it was still stiff and sore. Even so, I was NOT going to let this ruin our plans to go to the coast! I just took an extra Ibuprofen and slapped on the brace.

I had planned to bring a book along to read during the drive there and/or back, but the trip was so scenic, I never touched the book! I just enjoyed seeing everything! All the land, the mountains, the farms, the trees and the cliffs. We drove up a mountain to get there and it was just beautiful scenery. I looked at the towering trees on our route and told hubby I wished this was our view every day! (After seeing the coast, I wish that was our view, too!) It was also cool going through a lit tunnel.

When we finally got there, we had trouble finding a parking spot, so we had to park somewhere near the harbor. It was VERY windy!! I was glad that I brought Jesse and my jackets. It was rough terrain, though. It wasn’t so much the sand that was the problem but going up and down steep hills. My balance is not very good so I had to be careful with those. I was not looking forward to that, but my resolve was stronger than my fear. I thought ‘Challenge accepted!’ and tackled those hilly areas all the same. Sometimes I fell and sometimes I got back up okay or my husband had to help me back up. Even with a large walking stick he found for me, there were still times that I fell. But I always got back up. I made it okay. There was also sand blowing around us that it went into our mouths, eyes and ears!

We went to another, less hilly area and loved exploring there. Jen and Jesse grabbed sticks and wrote things in the sand. For a while, we were the only people there, so we had total freedom exploring the whole place ourselves. At one point, I noticed a rocky area in the far off distance, with the river behind it. I wanted to go check out that view! But it meant going over shallow areas of water and lots of mud. The ground was not very stable. I told my husband about it and he said it might not be a good idea. I’d have to go across the water, which was not very shallow, and all that mud and wet sand. My shoes would end up being pulled right off. It was dangerous. He left me there mulling over those thoughts. I REALLY wanted to go out there, but I didn’t want to fall in the water or mud. I didn’t mind getting my shoes wet and muddy – heck, been there with that rafting trip I went on with Jesse!! – but I was worried about the mud. Specifically, sinking in the mud. But then I noticed there were footprints leading that way. Footprints of other people who went across the water to that area. That did it! I decided, If they can do it, I can, too! So I gripped my walking stick and crossed the most smallest, shallowest area of the water. I had to be careful because the mud was slippery. And at one point, I really did start to sink in the mud! (Forget about sinking in quicksand, people. It’s sinking in mud you gotta worry about!) But I realized that if I kept moving, and moved quickly, I would not sink in the mud. Yes, it WAS like my shoes were being pulled off as I moved, but I kept moving, anyway! I was not going to stop. I was not going to be deterred.

And apparently, I was not going to be alone, either. I turned to see that Jesse had joined me. I looked past him to see that my husband was standing on dry land, watching us.

So Jesse and I worked together to make it across. But before we got to our destination, I noticed something in the sand and dropped my stick in astonishment. There were oyster shells all around! And clam shells, too! Wow! It was so cool! So Jesse and I gathered the oyster and clam shells that we liked best. Then we continued on our journey!

Further along the route, I was glad to be on sand again and off the mud. But … I was STILL sinking! This time in wet sand! I was astonished my feet went so deeply into the sand. I even slammed my walking stick down and it went quite a ways down into that sand! Again, I had to keep moving and going fast. I warned Jesse about the “sinking sand” and told him to keep going. Eventually, we got out of THAT and were on dry sand again. And I walked closer to where this area came to an end and met more water. We were a ways up. If I wanted to go all the way over to the wall of rocks to see the river, we would have to climb down and go over more water. That water did not look shallow, either. It looked pretty deep. So I decided we had gone far enough and would just enjoy this view. Jesse stayed on the sandy cliff to look out at the water and I took a picture of an area nearby that was circled with rocks.

Then we turned around and headed back. On the way back, Jesse fell in the water but we made it back across okay. We were not hurt. We were wet, muddy and covered with sand, but still smiling from our little adventure. It was so AWESOME! I am so glad I ignored fear and warnings and went through with it, anyway. I was stoked! I did it! I made it okay! That was just so cool.

After that, we went to Old Town Florence to walk around and visit shops. Our first stop was a bookstore called Books N Bears, and Jen went nuts over a book she found there. She actually bought two in that series. I wanted to buy a particular book but it was too pricey so I noted the title and author of the book to look for later. It was a really cool bookstore, though! When we were at one shop, the lights flickered then the power went out! We had to leave the store. All the other owners were outside of their places of business too and I figured this meant their power was out too. Jennifer listened in on what everybody was saying and she told us the whole block was without power. Still, we were able to buy saltwater taffy (something every visitor to Old Town Florence MUST get!!) and also a couple other things. I bought sea salt caramel (so good!!!) as well as some chocolate. I also wanted to buy chocolate covered bacon, but because the power was out, they could not sell it because they could not weigh the candy for pricing. Still, Jesse was able to buy himself a souvenir.

At that point, we wanted to get something to eat. We had a short lunch in the car when we arrived (Lunchables), but it was some time since then and we were hungry. But the problem was, we could not go to a restaurant there to eat at because we would be paying with our credit card, and we couldn’t do that if the power was out. So we decided to drive around and find some other place to eat. We ended up at a restaurant called Clawsons Wheelhouse. While there, I got to try oysters for the first time. That was an interesting taste! Jen tried clam chowder for the first time and loved it. I also had clam chowder. (They had really good clam chowder! When I tasted it, I was like, ‘Oh my gosh, this stuff is so good!!!’) I also had the salmon for dinner and it was delicious. The service there was excellent and we really enjoyed our dining experience there.

Our ride back to Eugene was just as enjoyable as it had been on our way there. I didn’t get any souvenirs but I DID have my treasures! (And the local newspaper!). That was good enough for me. Oh, and the taffy, too.

As I type this, I realize I have sand behind my ear. I had washed off when I got home but that sand is hard to get rid of. But you know what? I am okay with that. I will fall asleep tonight thinking of beachtime adventures, clashing waves, flying sand and views of a magnificent river.

Here are pictures I took from the trip (and also a couple my husband took).   

Enjoying what is left of our summer

Last night, I had this dream where it was my son’s first day at school. A friend and her son were hanging out with us on the day before and she was asking me if I had everything ready for the new school year. I was surprised this particular friend was in the dream, because our boys do not go to the same school. But anyway, we were just talking about being ready for tomorrow. Well, the next day, I overslept and was lagging behind on getting my son ready to go, so he ended up being late for school.

I woke up from this dream confused as to why I even had it in the first place. I wanted to cry out, “FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, IT’S STILL SUMMER!”

My kids don’t go back to school until September. (For one of my sisters in California, her kids go back August 1st.) So we are still pretty much enjoying as much of our summer funtime and being lazy and doing other things that we can. We are NOT focused on the whole “back to school” thing YET. We are still enjoying summer!

Yes, we do have a list of what the kids will need when they go back to school. Yes, we have been buying items on that list here and there. Yes, I DID enroll my daughter into her new school, and she did select the classes she wanted. Yes, we have penciled in the exact date we all switch back to the “school year schedule.”

But, for the most part, we are still enjoying our summer. We still eat whatever whenever we want to. We still stay up at odd hours of the night because the kids have no bedtime during the summer (except for when there are things planned for the next day – like tomorrow, I am taking the kids somewhere, and we have to leave before noon so we have to go to bed at a certain time tonight and not sleep in tomorrow!). We still do whatever the heck we want to with our days – or even nothing at all. Because it's summer vacation!

We are still enjoying that summer vacation. And that’s the plan for a couple more weeks. (Well, except for me. I’m switching back to the “school year schedule” on Monday and going back to the diet and exercise routines because of a couple of things I need to be ready for next year).

I have noticed some of my friends on Facebook talking about getting ready for back to school. (They probably need to, if school starts earlier for their kids.) I have certainly taken stock of what my kids need to be ready and, of course, I’ll be doing the whole “clothes inventory” ritual for their dressers and closets to see what clothing they need. But as for us, we are not freaking out about being ready for back to school. Not YET, anyway!

Maybe this dream was a reminder to be ready. (And of course I will, because I KNOW what we have to do and what will be expected of me! My son late for school on his first day back to school? Not on my watch!) Or maybe it was a reflection of somebody who has been judging me just because we have been so lax during the summer and not on some kind of rigid schedule. (If that is the case, screw them!) But whatever the case, I’m not going to let it send me into hysterics to be ready for when it’s time for the kids to go back to school. We WILL be ready, just in our own way and in our own time.

10 years in Oregon

Today marks the 10th anniversary of when I left California for Oregon. I came here with my husband and child, who was 3 at the time. Originally, I didn’t want to leave California. Specifically, I didn’t want to leave my family, who lived close by. My parents, siblings, nephews. My older brother lived 2 hours away in L.A. I was so close to many of them and I really didn’t want to leave them, especially my mom. I also didn’t want to live somewhere where there was no family, I didn’t know anybody and it’s not like there was a job waiting for me in Oregon, like there had been for my husband. I was happy right where I was but he was not. He wanted a better job. Better opportunity. A better life for our child. After 2 weeks of his talking to me about it, I finally agreed to the move. My parents and I thought things would not work out for the best and we’d move back, but that didn’t happen.

We spent 10 days living in motels until we found a place to live. We actually got a place to live on my husband’s birthday.

I was devastated to learn that all of the things I had left behind in California HAD NOT been claimed by my family, as we had tried to do. What happened was, we had too much stuff to fit it all into the truck, and I had asked my parents and siblings to help me get the stuff out of the garage and somewhere or another. The problem was, we were living in a duplex, and our neighbors had the garage door opener, not us. So we could not get into the garage to get my stuff. And they refused to answer the door anytime we knocked and wanted to ask them to open the garage for us. So, none of us ever got to it and I was forced to leave it behind because we had to be in Eugene on a certain date. (It was a stupid arrangement, I know. We should have been able to get into the shared garage!!) My family had assured me they’d go get my stuff but that did not happen in time. The landlady in California hauled it all off to the junkyard. There were some irreplaceable things I had lost. It bothers me even still.

My husband and I had been having problems in our marriage even before we left California. The problems only got worse and it was harder still because I didn’t have any family around or living nearby to help out with that. I got to the point where I decided to divorce him. I was set on this decision. I later learned that I had to wait 6 months to become an official resident of Oregon before I could file for divorce. That did eventually happen and we were divorced for 7 months. During that time, first I was hoping that my daughter and I would have a better life with someone new who I had THOUGHT I had found love with, but that never happened. Then I tried to move back to California to be closer to my family again but I just didn’t have the money for that or the resources. So I gave up on THAT idea, too. Then I had a fling with someone who I got together with ONLY because I was constantly being pressured to get with someone new from someone in my family, and THAT was a disaster! (And I learned to never again bow in to that kinda pressure. It’s MY life, not THEIR life. Lesson learned, ya know?)

Meanwhile, my child was struggling with the divorce and I felt bad because her dad was depressed over the whole thing. We talked a lot and he helped us out with some things. He became more present in our lives again even though he was not living with us anymore. (I had moved out of our apartment and into a small 2-bedroom house which I felt was a suitable temporary residence.) I started to think I had made a mistake and that my daughter would be happier if her dad and I were together again. Instead of focusing on trying to make ME happy, I started focusing on trying to make my child happy. Her pain was my pain, too. It killed me to see her deal with her sadness over what happened with me and her dad. I cried when she cried. I just wanted her to be happy again. So, her dad and I eventually reconciled and remarried because the divorce was just too hard for our daughter. (We had NO counseling and NO resources.) Also, I was desperate for another child.

I am glad I made the decision to give him another chance. It has been a long, hard road for both of us but we eventually got to a point where our second marriage was happier and it still is. Our marriage is stronger than ever now and I fell in love with this man all over again. He proved to me he could be the husband and father I wanted him to be. Just goes to show that people CAN change and it’s worth it to give someone a second chance.

Still, it wasn’t like that at the beginning. Things were still patchy between us, even though we were back together again. And it didn’t help that I still had feelings for that other person. I eventually got to a point where I realized, you know, this wasn’t right. I can’t love two men at once. I had to pick one – the RIGHT one. The one who was actually IN my life. The one who was actually making an effort to be with me. So I erased all of that from my heart and my life. I had to forget that other person. My heart was not in the right place and it HAD to be in the right place, because it was part of why I was so miserable for so long. And I eventually got to that point. I gave my husband my WHOLE heart, not just part of it. (And this is why I like to say, “Follow your brain, because your heart is an idiot.”) My husband and I both worked together to work out those issues we were dealing with. We wanted to be together, we wanted things to work this time around, so we were BOTH willing to step up and work things out. And now things are even better than before. It took a long time to get there but we hung in there, stayed committed, and we got to that point.

And, that other child? That is where Jesse enters the picture. Soon after we got back together again, I was thrilled to learn that I was pregnant with my second child. I was just as thrilled to learn I was having a boy. I’d always wanted a son and now I was going to have a son. That was a great feeling. (I feel very blessed to have one girl and one boy. Of my siblings, I am the only one to have just one of each gender! My older brother has 3 boys, my older sister has 3 boys, my younger sister has 2 girls and a boy, etc.) Little did I know the challenges that lay ahead in raising a boy, but I would not have changed anything at all. I am happy with my son and grateful he is in my life. And Jennifer has proven she can be a good big sister – even though she and Jesse tend to fight sometimes.

Here is a picture of Jesse taken hours after he was born:

And here is a picture of Jesse now. He is 7 years old. This picture was taken at the Eugene Public Library:

And while I'm at it showing pictures, here's Jennifer shortly after we moved to Eugene:

And here is Jennifer now:

This is me then:

And this is me now:

Sometime after Jesse was born, we moved out of the tiny house on West 11th into a bigger house my husband was able to find for us thanks to someone at his work. (I LOVE this house, by the way, even though we do not own it.) Fortunately, this house is located in an amazing neighborhood with amazing neighbors. We all look out for each other, really, and there’s a neighborhood watchgroup that sends out alerts of suspicious behavior, etc.

I have also made some amazing friends here in Eugene. They are not all in my neighborhood but I have met them through my kids’ schools and just from seeing in the area. I am so very grateful for all of the friends I have made here in Eugene. One of them is like a sister. She’s just awesome!

A lot has happened in the 10 years we have lived here, for all of us. We have had quite a few changes, gone through things and experienced firsts here in Eugene. I had some growing up to do and I have definitely filed a lot of my experiences under “things to learn from.”

I had to learn how to ride the city bus, because up until that time, I had never used public transportation. At that time, I didn’t have a car, and walking everywhere with a young child was becoming inconvenient. I also had to apply for public assistance, for the first time as a parent. Up until then, I looked down on people receiving food stamps or money from the state to help out in hard times. I kept thinking I would NEVER ask for handouts. Well, I had to ask for handouts, because life got pretty hard for a while there. It was definitely a wake-up call for me in viewing people receiving food stamps, as well as the experience of receiving and using food stamps. I had to become a smart shopper and meal planner to make that $10 a month work for us! I also had to abandon my desire to be a work-at-home mom, because work was really scarce, and try to get a job outside of the home. I applied for several jobs and eventually landed two, where I worked part-time (it was babysitting and housecleaning). THAT was also an adjustment and quite a change for me, too.

Jennifer is now a teenager. She had her first sports experience playing baseball through KidSports (where Jesse now plays soccer), her first surgery that was in Portland and her first date. She has made some awesome friends who she couldn’t dream living far away from. She went to preschool here, which I was surprised to learn I had to pay for (preschool was free in California, at that time). And now she has been learning how to manage when being left home alone, since she is legally old enough to be left home alone.

Jesse has had ALL of his firsts here in Oregon, because he was born here. He is the only one of us to be born in Oregon. Jennifer and I were both born in California. Her dad was born in the Northeast. Jen and I do still share that “California philosophy” about life but Jesse is a TRUE Oregonian in that he loves the outdoors, he’s active, athletic and he’s concerned about the environment. (And, hey! I DO care about the environment, but I’m not a fanatic about it.)

Things have definitely been pretty interesting here in Oregon. I have blogged about a lot of the things that we have gone through while living here. I actually started blogging because it was my way of staying in touch with family back in California and keeping everybody updated. (My parents and some of my siblings eventually moved to Illinois, to be closer to my mom’s family.) It has been hard living far away from family. I have not seen some of my siblings for years. The original plan was to go to California once a year to visit with everybody but for some reason, we stopped doing that. (My husband’s family lives in California, too.) So we have not seen family for a long time. My sister, Millie, and sister-in-law, Allison, came to visit us once, but that was about it. It has been hard. I recently saw some of my sisters in Illinois and that was just awesome. (We’re talking about planning a reunion!) I miss the closeness of my family. I miss being able to walk over to my sister’s house and chat over a cup of coffee. I miss being able to have a sibling nearby for emergencies or some other. (And I have definitely learned the importance and value of being self-sufficient because we have HAD to be self-sufficient!!)

But, even so, we do have a good life here. We have a good set-up for the kids here.

My husband has a good job he was eventually promoted at. And he still works there after 10 years!

My children have good doctors, healthcare options, recreational opportunities, athletic opportunities, as well as good schools with amazing staff. They have good friends, too, and some of them are like family to us. We’re even an emergency contact for one of them.

And I, as a deaf person, have had good options available to me through the city and state. I HAVE experienced quite a bit of discrimination against the deaf here in Eugene, but for the most part, things have gone well. I never really did fit in at my church because they stopped putting everything on the screen for people to read, plus my ASL interpreters both left, but that’s okay. While I was still a Christian, I worshipped in my own way. The kids missed going to church but I could never really find another one that was deaf-friendly. Eventually, we gave up on that and nowadays we aren’t really religious so much anymore, so it’s not really an issue. As to employment, I DID manage to enroll in a childcare training program and I was working there, too, but that also came to an end. (I don’t think I’ll be returning to that line of work, but no way will I ask the state to remove me from their system. I had to jump through too many hoops to get into that system at all!) I have continued to work from home with the writing, but I no longer pursue it. These days, I just write books (which I do not get any advances for, but I have an amazing publisher who I wouldn’t dream of leaving!). I am trying to get SOMETHING in place to develop some kind of connection with the community or the city or even the state. You know? My husband has something keeping him here. My kids have something keeping them here. But I…really don’t have anything keeping me here. Really. And it bugs me because I think I kind of need to have that. Some kind of “connection.” I don’t have that connection! No church. No group. No social club or anything. I have had health issues preventing me from doing specific tasks, but after all that’s cleared up, I plan on doing some volunteer work until I can get a job somewhere. SOME kind of job. Anywhere. Then hopefully I will have that connection. A reason to stay in Oregon come what may. (And I know I have my friends here, but I have friends all over the place. Friendship is not something that exists only because we live in the same neighborhood or city. I still have friends back in California, actually.)

After 10 years of living in Oregon, I can say it has been quite a ride. So much has happened. So much has changed. Life has really taken many turns and there’s been a lot of plot twists. We’ve had good times, we’ve had bad times. We’ve gone through so much. We have loved, lost, dealt with heartache, had our struggles and some pretty major challenges. We have had to go through losing people we loved (both of my parents passed away in Illinois) and not seeing people we loved. Not really having that family closeness that I once knew. My heart aches because my kids can’t visit their two remaining grandparents anytime they want to (and Jesse only saw my parents once in his life!). But this is all stuff that we have to carry on our shoulders. This is all stuff that has helped us to become the people that we are today. We learned from all of it. We grew from all of it. We recognized mistakes made and the lessons learned. And we are grateful for every one of those experiences, because we learned from it all, grew stronger from it all, and survived it all.

I like to say “Life is the adventure!” and, you know, it’s true. Life really is an adventure. Life, real life, is where we learn, we grow and we overcome. We have challenges, we have struggles, we have painful experiences and scary experiences. But we also have some good experiences, too. Those are the experiences that we need to embrace and hold onto. I often think I have so many stories to tell – stories about life and all the things that happen in it. Life is the adventure, but it’s also the story.

And this was the story of how life has been for us after 10 years of living in Oregon.      

Saying goodbye to a grandfather

Today is the third week since my father passed away. I was fortunate to be able to attend his funeral. Unfortunately, my kids could not go with me. So I felt that we should do something to allow them to say goodbye to their grandfather in their own way. When my mother had passed, we held a private memorial service for her. So I thought that maybe it would be a good idea for the kids to have another private memorial for their grandfather, too. This time, I would not participate. I had already said goodbye to my father. This was for them. This was so they would have closure and be able to move on with their loss.

Each of them made a picture for the occasion. Even though Jennifer knew my dad when she was an infant, she did not have many memories of him. I told her my dad was the one she said her first word to. Jesse also had trouble remembering him. He’d only seen my dad once, in St. Louis 4 years ago. That was the only time. I have the picture of that time on my wall.

Jesse made a picture of that time and he taped it on the back of a letter he wrote for this occasion. Jennifer made a picture, too. When she had been informed of my father’s death, one thought that struck her was that he was with my mom now. They were together again. Her picture captured that thought beautifully.

After they shared their pictures, I shared with them pictures of my dad. I told them stuff about him – how he was born in Los Angeles, his birthday was April 12^th, he loved Disneyland and he also loved eagles. I told them about how he liked to eat shrimp and he had a sweet tooth. They were surprised when I told them his middle name was Eugene, because we live in a city named Eugene, and also about how he was a “street kid” that got into fights a lot when he was a teenager living in L.A. I told them that their grandpa painted houses and how their dad even used to paint houses with them. And I also told them they could talk to their grandpa anytime they wanted to. I told them he’ll always be close by and that he will hear them when they need to talk to them.

I think this memorial helped them say farewell to their grandfather. I wish they had known him better but at least now he’ll be around for them anytime they need him.