An update on the bursitis/sciatica thing

Five days ago, I was at the Urgent Care because of severe pain in my hip and leg. I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes. It hurt like hell to walk – so much so that I was barely stepping across the room as though my feet were chained together by Thursday because it hurt too much to take a normal step. And sitting down then getting up was also painful. By Thursday, I was unable to lift my left leg.

The doctor told me I had bursitis in my hip. It had gotten so bad that I had swelling over my hip. It looked like the top of a basketball was growing over my hip! It was pretty alarming. I also had sciatica as a result of the bursitis. This explained the pain in my leg. The doctor said that once that part of my hip had become inflamed, it affected the sciatic nerve.

The doctor’s instructions were to use an ice pack on my lower back and hip for 20 minutes 4 times a day, as well as an increased dose of Ibuprofen 4 times a day. So I started that on Thursday evening. By Friday, I could bend over to tie my shoes and lift my left leg again. By Saturday, I was well enough to go somewhere (to the store), but because I still had pain, I could not stay out and on my feet for too long. By Sunday, I woke up without any hip pain and, even better, could easily get out of bed without the hip pain. Also on Sunday, the swelling on my hip was starting to go down. And by yesterday, I was pain-free.

That Ibuprofen and ice pack are good stuff. If not for the doctor, I would not have thought to use the ice pack on my lower back, where the sciatic nerve begins. I have found it also helped to ice the area of my leg directly over the nerve, where it hurt the most. I also made sure I walked around the house as much as possible. There were times I even stood at the counter to eat my meals because I did not want to sit down so much.

In order to keep up with both taking Ibuprofen and using the ice pack, I did both things at the same time. Soon it was a system for me. Of course, I got very bored sitting for so long and so often throughout the day for the ice pack sessions, but I knew I just had to hang in there and keep at it to get better. I hated it that I could not be very active, could not exercise yet or go running around, but I knew if I did that, I’d be right back at Urgent Care in the same condition as before. I also hated wearing a skirt. Because of the swelling on my hip, I could not wear my jeans and it was too hot to wear my sweat pants. Yeah, it really sucked. But I just reminded myself that this, too, shall pass. I took advantage of being laid up with the ice pack by watching TV (something I barely get to do!) or reading or checking out Pinterest on my phone.

And as of today, five days later, I am feeling so much better. Thankfully, the doctor’s care instructions helped me a lot. I can now lift my left leg just fine – though the nerve in my leg is still a little sensitive. But I am back to walking normally. My hip is still also sensitive but, thank God, I am no longer in so much pain.

I do believe I am on the mend. I was thinking of stopping the treatment today but was advised to keep taking the Ibuprofen and using the ice pack for the rest of the week. Just to be on the safe side.

After all this, I definitely have more appreciation for the sciatic nerve! I did some research and learned there are actually exercises a person can do that help the sciatic nerve. I will definitely be looking more into that and maybe start using them when I can start exercising again.

Goodbye, tumor!

Most of my friends and family know that my daughter, Jennifer, has had a tumor in her arm for some time. Thankfully, the tumor is not cancerous. When her doctor discovered it was a tumor, he theorized that perhaps it had developed from Jennifer keeping her arm in a certain position for extended periods of time. Jennifer admitted that she did have her arm a certain way a lot because she’s an artist. Who knows if this is why the tumor developed. I was only glad it was not cancerous! (Especially since I was dealing with my own cancer scare at the time.)

The doctor suggested removal of the tumor and he also referred Jennifer to a hospital in Portland. Unfortunately, all the scheduling, paperwork and communication in getting the surgery set up was taking an awful long time. We just bid our time, trying to get it scheduled whenever it got scheduled.

Then Jennifer started complaining about pain in that arm. I was shocked when she told me it hurt every time she pushed with that arm. It even hurt when she tried to brush her hair.

After this happened, we knew she had to get rid of that tumor FAST! My husband started contacting the hospital more often to see if they could schedule her surgery ASAP. They finally did schedule it and we made preparations for the big day.

Now, this would be Jennifer’s very first surgery, at age 12. (Jesse had surgery on his eyes when he was 2.) So she was a little nervous and a little scared about it. I could not entirely relate; after my car accident at age 20 months, I was in and out of hospitals and had so many surgeries by the time I was her age that I had no idea what she could’ve been feeling. But I tried to comfort her the best way I could and I assured her she would be okay. I also told her everybody was praying for her and thinking of her. And her best friends definitely became a strong support system for her.

I also made sure Jen got to have as much fun as possible up until the day of her surgery. I arranged for her to have sleepovers and playdates with her friends. I also made her favorite meals for dinner (she even made dinner one night!) and we went out a lot to do stuff. (I’ve been dealing with a stomach bug all week and haven’t felt so great but I went out with her as much as I could.) We also watched movies and had a lot of time just talking and spending time with each other. Yesterday, I took her out shopping and to buy frozen yogurt at TCBY and just spoiled her.

Today was the big day of her surgery. It was such a stressful day for me. I tried to stay strong and told her she will be fine. I reminded her she’ll probably be a lot happier after this surgery because she won’t have to deal with that pain anymore.

But during the time she was in surgery, I just stressed out. It was hard not to be at the hospital with her, but I knew the decision to stay home because of my not feeling well was the right one to make. My husband texted me when she went into the operating room and I was just a nervous wreck pacing around the house and praying. I did A LOT of praying! It helped I had Jesse to take care of, to take my mind off of it, but it was hard. After 3 hours of no news, I was ready to text my husband but he texted me first to let me know Jen was out of surgery and she was okay. It was a success. The tumor was gone and she was fine. THANK GOD!!

I was just so relieved. And I was happy, too. I texted everyone in the know to let them know Jen was out of surgery and doing okay, and I posted the news on Facebook, too.

Now, one thing I knew about this arrangement was that I might not be able to spend Mother’s Day with Jennifer in the hospital. The hospital is in Portland and I am in Eugene. That’s 2 1/2 hours away. I was really upset about the prospect of not being with my daughter on Mother’s Day, especially with her being in the hospital. It’s so hard to be apart from my daughter. (We are very close.) My husband’s car is a two-seater, so even if he came to get me to take me to Portland on Sunday, there was no room for Jesse in the car. So, I was basically stuck here. However, my friend offered to let us use her van and we were very close to considering it. I had hoped that stomach bug would get better but it did not.  So, because of this, we decided I would not be at that hospital on Mother’s Day. This was a really hard decision for me to make. I felt better after doing 2 things: I wrote Jen a very special poem just for her and told her she could only read it on Mother’s Day, and also I decided I would call her via relay on Mother’s Day. She would get to see what it was like to get a call from a deaf person on relay for the very first time! When I told her about this, she actually got excited and looked forward to it.

Even so, I was feeling a little bummed. I have been trying to write a Mother’s Day story and it hasn’t been easy because it makes me think of my mom and I still miss her so much. I still grieve over her passing. It’s really hard. Then I got an idea for a title: “The Mother’s Day Miracle.” Is this a new Mother’s Day story? The title is not the one I am using but that title has stuck in my head for a few days now.

And I am beginning to realize why. Today I was told that Jennifer might come home from the hospital tomorrow. She just might be home for Mother’s Day after all! That would certainly be a Mother’s Day miracle.

I am just glad this is all over with.


NOTE: Forgot to add that I do have a car that would fit all of us into it, but my car needs a part and would not be able to make it to Portland.

A hole in the head

For a long time, I am going to be haunted by something that I saw happen today: My 6-year-old son tumbling backwards and hitting his head upon landing. We were getting ready for me to take him to school this morning. Jesse told me he had to use the bathroom and I told him to go ahead. He ended up being in there too long and so his dad decided to check on him. We both walked into the bathroom. Jesse had been in the process of getting his toothbrush and toothpaste down but we startled him so bad he tumbled backwards. He hit his head against the wall so hard that he was bleeding! His dad and I both saw it and his dad sprung into action quicker than me, quickly tending to Jesse and the bleeding wound on the back of his head. Meanwhile, Jesse was crying and freaking out so I did my best to comfort him while my husband cleaned him up and tried to stop the bleeding.

We took Jesse to the ER and explained what happened. (Jesse also got to share his side of the story, too.) When they finally saw him, the nurse took his vitals then cleaned his wound. I couldn’t help but cringe when I saw what the result was: He literally had a hole in his head!! I almost freaked when I saw it. We talked with the nurse about it and then we waited for the doctor to come in. When the doctor examined it, he proceeded to check Jesse in other areas. He checked his ears, eyes, reflexes and made sure Jesse could turn his head from side to side okay. (Right after it happened, Jesse walked REALLY slowly and turned his head slowly.) We checked to see if he had any headaches or dizziness. He said his head hurt where he’d hit it. Next the doctor instructed Jesse to walk around the room to make sure he could walk okay.

Then the doctor talked with us about treatment. He said there were three options: Staples, stitches or glue. The doctor wanted to staple the hole shut but my husband thought we’d give the glue a try first and, if that didn’t work, staples. (I really did not want to think about what might happen if the glue didn’t work!) So after a while, both the nurse and the doctor came into the room and had Jesse lie on his stomach, with his upper body over the pillow. Once he was comfortable and the doctor made sure he was ready, he started applying glue to the wound and the nurse gently squeezed to close it up. After a while, they finished. I guess it was a success because the doctor gave the nurse a fist bump. (Ha!)

After that was over, Jesse proudly announced that it hadn’t hurt. We congratulated him and told him what a brave little boy he was. We talked with the doctor then the nurse about follow-up care and when we’d need to call or bring him back in.

Because of this, I kept Jesse home from soccer practice today. He’d already missed school (we were at the ER for hours!) and I also told him no bike riding, no running, jumping, climbing around or other things that might make him fall down again.

Now this evening, he is doing a lot better and the pain has stopped. We are allowing him to go back to school but I sent his school a note about what happened and the precautions we have to take until his wound is all healed. I have been keeping a watchful eye on him today. This is actually the first time I have been back on the computer since this morning! I was so nervous, scared and panicked over what happened. Thank God he is okay. I hope he will stay okay. I hope he’ll sleep tonight without problems and wake up feeling somewhat back to normal tomorrow.

Oh, and also today, Jennifer had tripped while running and skidded across the parking lot! Ow! She scraped her elbow and shoulder and she also hurt her stomach.

This was just not a good day for either of my kids!

A lifeline

For most of the day yesterday, I’d been dealing with chest pain. I didn’t say anything about it, thinking it would go away. It was probably just gas build-up in my chest. So I didn’t worry over it so much.

Later, however, the pain became pretty intense. It got to be so bad, I had to lie down. But as I lied there, flat on the bed (I thought if I lied flat, it would help), the pain only worsened. It grew and grew in intensity. It was pretty bad. I was on hat bed, writhing and in tears, as it felt like something was squeezing my heart and growing bigger by the second.

I tried sitting straight up, up against the pillows against the headboard, but that didn’t help. I tried squatting over the side, lying on my right side, standing up against the wall. Nothing. The pain only got worse.

Then something else happened, something I’d been dreading: I could hardly breathe.

At first, my breathing came out in short gasps of air. I tried to keep that air in my lungs but, soon, I could hardly breathe at all.

“Breathe!” I instructed myself. “Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!”

I struggled for air that was quickly disappearing from my lungs. I started to panic and worry over what to do. I’d tried breathing exercises earlier but that didn’t help. And I was running out of air fast.

At one point, I didn’t even have enough air in my lungs to talk anymore.

I lied across the bed, gasping for air. As I did so, I started to remember a time I had gone through a similar episode. I was alone one evening and, all of a sudden, I wasn’t able to breathe anymore. It’s like my lungs had closed up. I’d struggled for air, even going outside to try to get some fresh air. That is where I passed out on the ground. After I woke up from that, I could breathe okay. But what had happened before then is that I had been up in the stars of the night sky. The stars had been so close that I could almost reach out and touch them. That experience had been very frightening. I shuddered as I remembered it, hoping it would not happen again. What if I didn’t wake up this time?

I started to wish someone in my family was there to help me. Millie, Allison, Elizabeth, Jeanette, Melissa, my mom – even my cousin, Carol. A familiar face. Family. I wished so hard that someone in my family was there to help.

But I was alone in this struggle to breathe. Then I realized, no, I’m not alone. I’m not. I could turn to God. And that’s what I did.

With nothing else to help me breathe again, I started to silently pray for help. I just prayed and prayed for air to return to my lungs.

Soon, the pain in my chest lessened and I could breathe again. Thank God! I sat up, breathing normally now, so thankful for this air in my lungs again. I said a prayer of thanks then got up and left the room. I went to the kitchen and drank some water. I went to check on the kids, who were in the bathroom with hubby, having their bath. I told hubby what happened and he told me to sit down. After I did that, the remaining pain in my chest disappeared.

As I sat there, I started to think of what I should have done to get some help. I know I should have run out to get help from my husband, but I didn’t have the strength. A call to 911 might have been in order – but there is no phone in that room. And, anyway, I’m not exactly 100% sure how a deaf person should call 911. I mean, we were taught in high school to dial 911, wait a few moments, then say we are deaf and what the emergency is. I am not sure if that method would be very effective.

Then I thought, what about my cell phone? What if I could text for help? Would I be able to text for help if I was having another episode of being unable to breathe?? It was still better than nothing.

I thought for a few minutes. I had to think about the very few people I know in Eugene who I text. Finally, I decided on one of the moms of Jennifer’s friends. Jen has had a sleepover at her house before and she and I often send text messages here and there. She’s an awesome lady, about my age, and very friendly. So I got my phone and texted her, asking her if she would be willing to call 911 for me if I ever needed that kind of help. When she replied, she said that she would do it and, actually, she even asked one of her girlfriends the same thing. (Is this some kind of network among friends I am unaware of? Hm.) She also said that if we needed somewhere safe to go, we were welcome at her place.

I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked her profusely. Didn’t I say she was awesome?? She rocks! What a huge relief that this is in place, for emergencies.

Now I only hope that that particular kind of emergency doesn’t happen again. This was actually the second time I have had chest pain so bad, but it was not so bad before that I ended up struggling for air. Then again, I had been taken to the ER when I had bad chest pain that lasted for a long time. (They ran all these tests and couldn’t find anything wrong, so they just gave me something for the pain.) This time, even though that latest episode ended, I’ll get it checked out by my doctor. I still have some tightness in my chest this morning, so it might be a good idea to get that checked out.

At least I have someone to reach out to for help if there are any emergencies. Thank goodness for that!

Here is wisdom

I went to the dentist today. I need to have THREE teeth pulled. Ugh. Two of them are wisdom teeth (I still have 3 wisdom teeth left) and the other one is some rogue tooth that has merged into one of the wisdom teeth that's going to be extracted. The dentist informed me that this is probably why I have been having so much pain in that area lately.

A tooth MERGED INTO one of my teeth? Seriously?? Yikes. The more I thought on that, the more it made my skin crawl. Yuck.

Well, I'll be glad to get rid of them. The dental surgery has been scheduled towards the end of the month. They did suggest the week before Valentine's Day, but with my big promotional plans for my book scheduled for Valentine's Day weekend, I told them I'd rather have it done long before then. I was tempted to start talking about my forthcoming book but decided to save all that chatter for the next time I'll be in there. Heh.

I had to take Jennifer with me since my appointment was shortly after her early release from school. She kinda freaked about having teeth pulled, even wisdom teeth. I tried to explain to her that everybody has to have their wisdom teeth pulled but that she doesn't have to worry about it until much, much later. She still got antsy about this prospect of having the teeth pulled. I kept answering her question of "does it hurt?" with no, it doesn't hurt at all. I was more weirded out by how the dentist had to practically climb up on the chair to pull the teeth out! He REALLY had to put some muscle into it! (Dentistry is not for the weakling. LOL) I explained that most of the discomfort comes after the surgery, when the Novocaine had me all woozy and out of it. But, no, it doesn't hurt to have the teeth pulled.

The medical assistant also talked with her about the procedure and answered her questions. The thing about Jennifer is that she can be a real chatterbox. Once she gets curious about something, she runs off a thousand questions. (She's like me with that! LOL Is it any surprise, then, that I have done newspaper reporting??) I was grateful the M.A. was so patient with her and didn't seem to mind answering her questions.

After the appointment, we went to Sweet Life for a treat. Then we hit the 7-11 and went home. At home, she once again started asking about wisdom teeth, and I kept once again assuring her that it doesn't hurt when the teeth are pulled. But I have a feeling that, when it's her turn, she'll have new questions about the whole process. Call it a hunch.

Stuff going on

Jesse is doing A LOT better now. His eyes are still healing from the surgery and the anesthetic is still making its way out of his system, but he's not stumbling when he tries to walk anymore and not walking into walls. He's been really fussy, though. Probably from irritation in his eyes. I give him Ibuprofen only when it's very bad and he's very uncomfortable. The post-op appointment went okay and he goes back next month for another check-up on his eyes. It will be some time before we see actual progress. I'm just glad the surgery went okay! Thank God for that!

I'm really nervous about applying the topical medicine under his eyes, though. Tonight, I did it for the first time and I don't even know if I did it right! Grr! I've watched hubby apply the medicine and he told me how to do it. I get really nervous trying to do it, though. I don't want to get any of it INSIDE of his eyes!

I have been sooooo busy all week. Writing, running errands, taking care of the kids and cleaning. CLEANING! The other day, when I picked Jen up from school, my hair looked like I just stepped out of a tornado because I went right from speed-vacuuming to going out to pick her up. I saw Jen's old teacher with my hair like that and I guess maybe I gave her something to wonder about. Haha. "Erm, what exactly were you up to??"

One of the cleaning jobs I had was Jennifer's room. It got REALLY bad because she's not very good at putting things away (she's a piler) and because she just doesn't take good care of her things or tidy up when she is done playing, or something. So I took it upon myself to clean the room. I was tired of not being able to walk in there and Jesse kept getting into EVERYTHING. It took me TWO DAYS to clean that room. What a job! I wish I could get her to keep her room tidy so it doesn't get so bad. Anyway, it's a lot better now and everything is put away and organized.

Jen started school this week. Yay! She really likes her class. Thankfully, there aren't any troublesome students in her classroom this year. Thank goodness for that! There is a boy who sits next to her and on the first day, he was messing around with her stuff. I gave him a dirty look and he just went about doing other things. I guess he is not giving her trouble and that's good. Last year, there was a kid in her class who caused trouble a lot. (The same kid who pushed a little boy in the hall) and I have been very concerned about her dealing with bullies. Believe me, I had to deal with them when I went to school! (They were in the public AND private school. Ugh.) Looking the way I do, I was an easy target for bullies. Even when I fought back on one occasion. But with Jennifer, I have always worried about it. I've even had nightmares about it! So I keep an eye out for things like that and I hope she doesn't have that problem this year.

Speaking of nightmares...I had a real bad one last night. It was horrible. Weather disasters were striking the entire state of Oregon. There were hurricanes, floods, mudslides, earthquakes, tornadoes. EVERYTHING! And in all of the state of Oregon! The whole state! It was awful. I saw so many people die in that dream. Being covered by mudslides, sucked into hurricanes. Homes being destroyed. People tried to evacuate but often the weather disasters hit before they could. So many people....all gone. It was just terrible to see all that. I woke up from that dream, went out to the living room and sat on the couch. Hubby was on the computer and he turned around to ask me what was wrong. When I told him my dream, he said, "Hurricane?" I nodded. Then he said, "Wrong side of the country." Yeah, tell me about it! Then I looked at the TV, hoping to get my mind off that dream. And, wouldn't you know it, there was a program on about rogue waves! ARGH!! I covered my eyes, shook my head and mumbled, "WHY did I have a dream like that then come out to see something like THAT on TV?"

Jennifer's BFF had a birthday party this week. At least, we THINK she did. Jen never got an invitation. I'm a little confused and angry about this. I sent the friend's mother an email and asked about it but, so far, no reply. I'm starting to get upset about this, because if the friend DID have a birthday party and decided not to invite Jennifer, then I think that's really uncool. It would make Jennifer REALLY upset and then there'd be problems with the friendship. I don't get it. So I hope it was a misunderstanding. I am going to call tomorrow and find out. If I don't end up hearing from them by email first.

Today hubby and I watched the movie Stardust. I heard so many good things about it. Even though I'm iffy with Neil Gaiman (some of his stuff is good, some of it...meh), I really liked this movie. It's a great fantasy story. The part where Victoria starts to like Tristan after he changes his looks, though, REALLY irritated me. I got all huffy and said, "She likes him NOW only because he looks good!" Hubby rolled his eyes and said, "It's just a movie!" That may be, but that kinda thing DOES happen in the real world. People are SO dependent on looks and beauty. I'm sick of it and I hate it. But I guess being a person with burn scars, of course I'm going to hate it. I often blame my lack of friends on the fact that I am burned. People think I'm too ugly to want to be seen with me in public. Or they are too uncomfortable around someone who is NOT beautiful or who looks unattractive because I am burned. Or maybe they think that because I look like a monster, I really am a monster. I know it's stupid to think that, but I do. Oregonians only love beautiful people!

And the same goes for love....Love is SO dependent on outward beauty. Or so many people in this world say it should be. You HAVE to be beautiful to be loved. If you are ugly, then you are shunned and ignored. One beautiful person will not love an ugly person. They BOTH have to look beautiful. Because outward appearances MATTER. It's just not right.

Which is why I would rather be with someone who would love me for my heart and not for my looks. I can't take these burn scars away. I can't make them disappear, even when wearing make-up. Love me for who I am and for the kind of heart that I have. Not for how I look.

That is my opinion, anyway....

I got A LOT done with the writing this week. Unfortunately, I was not able to do my article for SIGNews, because my source at Gallaudet refused to do an interview and so did anybody else associated with that topic. ARGH! I was really upset and NOT happy about losing the money I would have received for that article. Sigh. Fortunately, my editor was very understanding. I was soooo tempted to complain about it on the writing blog. But....I am a grown up. I can handle this in a mature, professional manner. (Those poopie-heads!)

As for the Ghost book, I am FINALLY allllllll caught up on the emails for it. YAAAAYYY!!!! Now to get caught up on the phone calls I have to make for it. I have two that I keep FORGETTING! But the email thing is good and it was a huge weight off my shoulders to get caught up on them. Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap up gathering all the stories I need VERRRRRY soon.

There are other emails I need to get caught up on, too. Hm. I'm working on it! So please don't think I am ignoring you....

I got an idea for a cartoon today. Imagine it: Writer goes into a printing shop and asks, "How much do you charge to print?"

Saleslady says, "How many pages do you need to print?"

Writer answers, "Oh, about 580 pages."

Saleslady faints.

That right there is how long the Totally Scared book is. Ayuh.