The boy who waited

My son, Jesse, had a dentist appointment this morning so he went in to school late today. This morning, I was doing something that I normally do on a weekday: Setting up what articles I would be reading for today. (The articles come from the website, ScienceDaily, as well as anything of interest from TIME or the the L.A. Times. Sometimes I will find articles to read on Facebook or Twitter, as well. I love to read articles about new developments in science and medicine, as well as any news or topics of interest of things going on in the world. I usually share what I read on my personal Twitteraccount and Facebook. I call this time that I take to read articles “research” because a lot of the times I come across info I can use in my books.) I did not have the time to read them just yet but I would read them later when I did have the time. As I was going through the list of article titles, Jesse appeared at my side, asking if I would pour him a bowl of cereal. Yes, I know; at 9, he is perfectly capable of doing that himself. I guess he just wanted me to do that for him, or something. I told him to please wait a few minutes so that I could finish going through this list first then I’d pour his cereal for him. He waited a little bit but I guess he was too hungry to wait longer so he did it himself.

I was not happy. I should have been, because he was doing something he was perfectly capable of doing himself, but I was irritated that he lost his patience with me. And I let him know that it bothered me that he changed his mind about waiting for me. The kids often lose their patience with me and so that has been an ongoing thing I  have tried to fix with them. It IS important for people to have patience with others!

Later, as I was cooking breakfast, I began stewing over how this has happened with other people, too. They either get tired of waiting for me, lose their patience with me, or they give up on me and decide I’m no longer worth it and go on to do other things. I might as well start telling people that if they are NOT willing to wait until I can do what they need me to do, then don’t waste my time even asking. Just look for someone who can give you what you want RIGHT NOW.  

But I also thought about how I let Jesse know that it bothered me that he wouldn’t wait for me. Would my words have any impact? Would he think about what I said?

I soon found out because he asked me to go somewhere to see something. I told him I couldn’t right now because I was busy cooking, but that I would look at it when I was done. He walked off to another room. As I finished cooking, I wondered if he would wait. But then again, I didn’t really expect much to come out of that. If you don’t expect anything from people, then you won’t be disappointed when they don’t do anything! That is my philosophy! Expect nothing and avoid disappointment when nothing happens!

But, it didn’t turn out that way this time. When I was able to step away from the stove, I asked Jesse what he wanted to show me. Guess what? He still showed me what he had wanted to show me earlier. He. Had. Waited! Awesome!

I thanked Jesse for his patience and I also said it was nice of him to wait until I was available to give him my full attention. And, you know, it really was. Hopefully, he’ll start to be more patient! (And recognize that he can just go ahead and do the things he can do if someone is too busy to do them for him.)

Bad boys

I know that it’s okay to ask for help from time to time, but I really don’t like doing it. I try to do things on my own. There has just been WAY too many times in my life when people I thought I could trust or rely on ended up letting me down. So I try to do things on my own.

And I know that parenting should not be one of them, but I DO try to do this parenting thing on my own. With stuff I don’t know, I research or surf the Web or read books or check out articles, etc. And people just throw advice at me without asking. And that’s all well and good, as long as I’m not the one asking!

But today, I had to change that. I HAD to ask for help. I was . . . out of ideas, at my wit’s end and fed up, because of something really bad that happened with my son last night at the grocery store. Where everybody had to watch!!!

The first time he had a meltdown at a grocery store, I prayed that would be the only time.

But last night … oh my God. It was terrible. I just wanted to grab him and get OUT of there. But he was having a MAJOR meltdown. On top of that, he got angry at me and was pushing me!

He’d never done that before and I was shocked. Where did my sweet little boy go? He turned into something else right before my eyes!

I was embarrassed, frustrated and humiliated. I was also scared that someone would call the police and report it, as well as angry at myself for NOT knowing what to do or how to fix the situation.

It was awful.

When we got home, he got the Riot Act from his father after I told his dad what happened. Then, in the morning, he got it from me (and I told him he is NOT allowed to push his parents). Then, later in the day, he got it from his big sister, because she had heard about what happened when I told his father.

And that was not the end of that. I was so distraught and upset about it last night, I ended up having a bad dream. I dreamed that an older Jesse got mixed up with the wrong gang and was causing trouble and I could not do anything about it. Might as well have slapped FAILURE on my forehead!

After I woke up from that dream, I was too upset to go back to sleep. I did try to go back to sleep, because it was early, but I couldn’t.

So I got online and sent my older sister an SOS. My older sister has three boys (two of them are over 18) and so I figured she might have “been there, done that” with this kinda thing.

Jesse is my only boy! I have no experience parenting boys! Sure, I’ve babysat boys, but that’s not the same thing. And I’ve read books on raising boys, but that’s not what I need to learn how to raise a boy! I need someone who has been there.

And I gotta say, these experiences have given me a new sense of respect for parents out there who have raised boys. They deserve a medal! Seriously, give yourselves a pat on the back!

This stuff is hard. But I’m not going to give up on my son. I love my son so much and the more he pushes me away, I will love him even more! I want him to grow up to be a good person. I don’t want him to end up in juvenile hall by the time he’s 10!

So, yes, I did email my sister. I was nervous, of course. I thought she’d laugh at me for being SO clueless or rub it in on how hard it is to parent a boy.

But that didn’t happen. My sister was very understanding and very concerned. She was also helpful. She shared some good pointers on how to handle certain behavior problems I’ve been having with my son. And I am grateful to her for that. I’m grateful to her for not being sarcastic or anything. (Thanks, Jeanette!)

So I’m going to follow through on her advice. If I have to cut back on how much work I am doing with my books, so be it. I have to work on things with my son and set things right. I just hope that there will be some improvement and a lot less of the public meltdowns.