State of Mind

NOTE ON LAST POST: I have the computer an extra day. I don't know how much longer until it gets repaired, though. So far, at least, it is...SOMEWHAT behaving itself....



First, I panicked.

My bills for next month are pretty darn high. A little TOO high. Actually, they're outside of my darn budget!

That is to be expected. I was not able to pay ALL of my bills this month. So next month, I will suffer for that. Next month happens to be my daughter's birthday month, too.

Ouch.

So, I tried to get a job, just so we won't STARVE next month. No luck. Tried DOR since I am deaf and can't receive phone calls, so I think I'd qualify for their help in landing a job. Problem is, I won't know for 2 months.

Ouch!

It is NEXT month I have to worry about. All of October. Because after I pay all the bills, I will have $137 left over to cover: My daughter's birthday gift, food and decorations for her party at home, AND whatever groceries I can get for that month with what's left over. (Good thing I have cake mix in my cupboard so I can bake her birthday cake!) I will lose my WIC benefits next month, but I DO get $10 in food stamps. Yay.

So I figured.. OK. I HAVE to get a roommate. I mean, obiously, I HAVE to... I actually thought of a friend of mine, who is also a single parent struggling to make ends meet. But before I even contacted her, I told my ex.

His reaction? "Calm. Down."

He then sat down to tally up all of my monthly financial obligations: Rent, utilities, grocery, car payment. Even threw in a tiny bit for entertainment (which comes to about $50 a month, on AVERAGE). Then he said, "You have ENOUGH to meet these needs." Yes! Right! I DO have enough with my monthly income. BUUUUT! It is OCTOBER I am worried about! That very month alone that I will be starving to death just so I can feed my child with what little I will have left after paying these BIG bills.

Which made me realize getting a roommate might be a little...drastic. I can afford bills just fine every month, IF they don't get too high. (I'm on a fixed income.) They'll be too high for just next month. After that, it's smooth sailing. And what if I get a roommate who turns out to be some homicidal maniac, or something?? I have had stuff stolen and "borrowed" by roommates before, and I don't want that to happen again. I have ALREADY lost too much of my stuff!! Plus, I have a small child. I can't endanger her like that. Too risky.

So my ex laid out a host of tips on how I can save money here, manage my finances better there. Up until now, I have ALWAYS lived with another adult who shared the financial responsibilities. Now, I don't have that anymore. I have to change my WHOLE WAY of seeing budgets and grocery shopping and saving on utilities and just...cutting corners wherever possible. I'm all by myself. Left to fend for myself, and my child. It's just the two of us, me and her. And she relies on me to keep her fed.

Which is why I've decided on my next solution to hopefully solve this temporary setback: I am going to sell some of my dolls. I chatted with my sister today and I mentioned this to her. She offered to send us some money to help out with the food bill for next month, and I told her, you know, "I'll sell you one of my dolls with that money and we'll call it even." But because it's also her birthday next month, I'm going to throw in an extra doll (not REALLY throw since it's porcelain LOL). She's trying to amass her own doll collection. I have several. I don't want to sell too many, though, because I have always planned on giving my dolls to my daughter when she is older. But, yeah, you know. Times are hard. I have to bring in some money SOME way. Since I can't get a freaking JOB!! :(

So, that's what I'm doing now. Figure to sell them for $15-25 each. I have about 7 of them I'm selling -- and that should be enough.