Goodbye sicknesses, hello (again!) to allergies

For the last part of May and for all of June, I was very sick. First I was sick with Influenza and then I somehow caught RSV (Respiratory syncytial virus)! These sicknesses actually happened back-to-back. It was crazy! I found out I had RSV because I was still sick after the Influenza had passed but we didn’t know what I was sick with. So my husband took me to Urgent Care and that’s how we found out. I was advised to just ride it out.

But after I was supposedly over the “contagious period” of being sick with RSV, I was left with a terrible, violent cough. From what we’d learned in our research, this cough was supposed to go away within a couple of weeks. But unfortunately, that did not happen for me. And the cough only got worse and worse! I was coughing my head off 24/7.

The cough got so bad that I hurt my ribs. Off to Urgent Care I had gone again. I really thought my ribs were broken but they were actually just possibly cracked. Once again, I was advised to allow the cough to run its course. However, they told me certain things to do to avoid further injury to my ribs, like holding a pillow against them when I coughed. They gave me nothing for my pain, simply telling me to take 600 mg of Advil 3 times a day, and nothing for my cough. One of my sisters was mad that they didn’t give me anything for my cough. And my husband and I were both perplexed why I was still coughing so badly for so long.

Then not 10 days after that, I felt something snap in my chest during another coughing fit and knew something was very wrong. My husband took me to the ER. This was my third trip to a doctor in one month because of the darn cough!! I was in so much unbearable pain from what happened because whatever it was that was injured this time hurt like hell and I cried out in agony every time I coughed because the coughing made it worse, and of course the coughing happened often! They gave me pain medicine and took X-rays and we learned that I’d torn a muscle. Once again I asked for something, ANYTHING, for my cough. And for stronger pain medicine because the rib injury had put me in so much pain that sometimes I was crying from it.

Fortunately, they suggested stronger pain medicine dosages, and THANKFULLY, the doctor FINALLY admitted that I should take something for the cough. (Gee, ya think??)

I will never understand why, when a patient is sick, the doctor does not give the patient medicine. I mean, you’re supposed to take medicine if you are sick, right?? That’s how you TREAT a sickness! That is how you find relief from symptoms! And I needed relief. This thing was so horrible that I could hardly sleep because I was coughing so much. (It was so bad that I could not concentrate enough to read or write.)

The doctor did not suggest a particular kind of medicine, just something for the cough. So I took medicine for my cough. And guess what? I GOT BETTER!!! I took Robitussin DM for the cough – along with higher doses of both Advil and Tylenol – every day for a week, 3 times a day, and I started to finally get better. Well, I took the Tylenol 3 times a day (3000 mg of it) and the Advil every 4 hours as well as the Robitussin every 4 hours. I also put ice on my sore ribs once a day for 15 minutes. I also wore a chest brace for that first week. And I did a lot of praying!! (Thank you to everyone who prayed for me during that time.)

But I did get better! I finally stopped coughing! FINALLY!

By July 1st, I was all better. My cough was gone and the pain was not as bad anymore. My rib and torn muscle are still healing and both the doctor as well as a nurse advised me to take it easy and do not exercise until they are all healed. But I am NOT COUGHING ANYMORE!

Well, sure, I have the occasional cough, but not the violent cough from before. It is SO NICE not to be coughing my head off anymore. That Robitussin DM is good stuff! I highly recommend it (and I hope they continue making it!).

While I was sick, I didn’t suffer from seasonal allergies so much. In fact, I hardly had the sneezing or watery eyes from the seasonal allergies at all. But those symptoms have started flaring up again. I am once again experiencing sneezing and watery eyes because of allergies. So I am back to taking Allegra in the mornings and Claritin at night. This is the best allergy fighting method for me and it has worked really well. I just have to remember to take them every day until allergy season is over!

But compared to what I went through with that cough, I cannot complain. Seriously, I’d rather have these allergy symptoms than that chronic, violent cough any old time! At least now I know what to reach for in my medicine cabinet should THAT particular thing happen to flare up again.

Two disappointments

Had to deal with a couple of disappointing things yesterday. It’s no biggie; just another disappointment popping up in life. Life is FULL of them. I was upset about them at first, but thems the breaks. I will just keep doing my own thing.

The first one was when I got information about this experiment I’m doing. I found out that I won’t achieve the desired affect I was hoping for. Bummer. It would have been nice if I do, but can’t have everything. I am not particularly sure if I want to stick with it now. Been turning that over a lot in my head all day. I know I certainly don’t want to go back to my old drinking habits. So maybe I will allow an occasional beer or glass of wine here or there. But that’s it. Just one. In my research, I learned that more than 12 ounces in one go is dangerous to the immune system. So I’ll make sure to limit it.

The second disappointment was from the gig I was hoping for. Turns out I would have to pay money upfront. I’m not interested in that. I need something that will bring in extra income, and not take any of it out. Oh, well. Back to the job hunt!

Both of these things were nice ideas and it did bother me that they won’t work out. But that’s the way it is in life. Things don’t work out the way we want them to. The way we hope they will. I’m cool with it. You know? I can roll with the punches in life. Just gonna keep on keepin’ on!

Great first day of the new year

Before 2016 even got here, I was hopeful that THIS year would be better. Last year wasn’t so good so I was keeping my thoughts positive that this year would be a good one!

Well, I can’t say as yet if the year itself is turning out better than the last. But I can say this: The first day of 2016 has just been AWESOME! There were a couple of bad things that happened today, but there were mostly good things! Things I am MUCH more happier about.

When I woke up this morning, for some reason, I had the Doctor Who poem in my head. But after that went away, I got out of bed and went straight to the computer. I turned it on, grabbed a bottle of water, sat down at the desk, popped open Word and…started writing. I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I just started writing the very first page of a new novel.

Yes, I am finally writing a new novel. Yahoo!! I am so happy to be writing a novel again. But even happier to be writing any fiction at all! Seriously, I struggled with writing fiction last year. The newest book in the GHOST Group series remained unfinished for months. Short stories were never finished. And I had NOTHING in the way of a new novel. I just couldn’t get the words out. I had ideas for a novel, sure, but I just couldn’t WRITE it. The story lingered in my mind, waiting to be born. And today I finally released it onto paper. I am looking forward to writing this!

Another awesome thing that happened today is that my phone got fixed! My phone has been giving me problems for quite some time. I was ready to smash it with a hammer! AGH! But I handed it over to my husband and asked him for help. I explained the situation. After tinkering with it, he fixed it. And now everything is working so much better on my phone. Yay! I didn’t have to delete anything, either. Phew! 

I am also glad there's a new episode of Sherlock tonight. I recorded it and have not seen it yet. My husband is watching Supernatural (DVDs I have already watched). But I'll be watching the new Sherlock real soon!

And, finally, I have been able to keep my New Year’s resolutions so far. I kept the ones that apply for today! One resolution is to exercise every day, no matter what exercise it is. Because I had stomach problems all day, though, I couldn’t do a regular workout. But I did exercise on the resistance band as well as some other stretches so at least that is something. Better than nothing! I hope I feel better tomorrow so I can do more exercising. I also resisted the temptation to drink any beer. I am experimenting with something health-wise (which I hope to write about in my health book) and removing alcohol from my diet is an important part of it. So yay on beating that temptation! I used to drink every day and sometimes many in 1 day but NOT today and NOT this year! I want to see this experiment through to the end and if I’ll get the kind of results that I’m looking for. (Yes, I am always the guinea pig for my books. Ha!) And, anyway, I am NOT going to be alcohol's bitch anymore. Done with all that!!

As to the bad things that happened… Well, I didn’t get my check today. Sigh! I was really counting on it because we need to go to the store but I guess I’ll get the check on Monday. At least we have enough food in the house to last us through the weekend. And, oh, I DID find some money today, after I tweeted about my frustrations over not getting my check. So that’s awesome! Good to have that if we do need it. (NOTE: After I posted on this blog and did some research for the novel, I decided to check my bank account again, just for the heck of it. And my check is THERE! We can buy FOOD! Glory be!)

The other bad thing was that I wanted a cup of cappuccino tonight (at 10 p.m.!) but…there was no cappuccino! NOOOOO!!!! We didn’t have the coffee I was craving! Boo-hoo! If only Starbucks did late-night deliveries. Sigh. (But I survived.)

Despite the bad things today, I am very happy about the good things. And another good thing might happen too: I just MIGHT have a new gig. That’d be so cool! I hope I get this. It’ll really help and I won’t feel so useless being unemployed for so long.

Today has really been a great day. I have also enjoyed spending today with my kids and enjoying this new year. We have had a lot of fun together today and I look forward to doing things with them in the coming months.

Here’s to a happy and adventurous 2016!

Three months after the heart scare

A few months ago – on the day before my 41^st birthday – I had what I later called a “heart scare.” You can read about what happened here. Suffice to say it was a huge wake-up call for me. While I WAS planning on making dietary and living changes on the day of my birthday, this incident hammered home just how important it was to make those changes.

Up until that point, I’d been dealing with occasional chest pain that was so severe, I’d be on the floor clasping at my chest. It usually happened once a month. One time, it was so bad, the skin of my right hand turned blue. (My daughter had called 911 at that time.) This was something I figured I just had to live with, but after the worst of it – on May 24^th of this year – I decided I’d had enough. I had to DO something! I had to make some changes.

So, I made changes.

First, I changed my diet. I added more fruits and vegetables to my diet and I started drinking A LOT of water. I cut down on my soda consumption as well as how much alcohol I consumed (which is usually beer – I can’t stand the taste of other alcoholic beverages).

I also started taking aspirin every day. Eventually, I started taking a multivitamin every day, as well.

I tried to start walking, but a burning sensation in my chest scared me so bad that I stopped. I learned that was just my lungs not used to this exertion and returned to walking, though at a shorter distance. With the kids home from school, my time to exercise was compromised, but I did squeeze in walking where possible. With the kids going back to school soon, I’ll be exercising more often.  

These changes have been good for me, because aside from the burning lungs, I have not had ANY other chest pain at all. I am grateful for the opportunity to try new foods and eat healthier, and I am also happy that I am more active now. I also think all that extra water I’ve been drinking has been good for me too. And I am grateful I haven’t had chest pain. I’ve made 3 months without it! Yay!

These changes have not been easy. I did allow the weekend to be my cheat days, when I could eat whatever I wanted, but it’s like I am frustrated with this diet. I am tired of it. I know it has been good for me but lately I’ve been thinking of ditching it. We will see, but so far, I have been doing better.

The parental order that is keeping us fat

A lot of people have probably gone through this situation: As a child, they would not be able to finish their meal. “I’m full,” they would have said. Despite the food still left on their plate: The half-eaten chicken, the mashed potatoes they made sculptures with instead of devouring, and the green beans they were loath to touch but they had to eat a few bites of it anyway because their mother told them they need to eat their vegetables. Well, eating your vegetables is NOT bad advice from a parent. In fact, it’s GOOD for kids to eat their vegetables! I tell my kids to eat their vegetables all the time. (It’s an ongoing battle.)

I don’t have a problem with that sort of parental instruction. But what I do have a problem with is the reply that most kids get and have gotten whenever they try to leave the table when there is still food on their plate: “Clean your plate.” This is usually followed with, “There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat” or “Most kids don’t get to eat that food.” I had this happen a lot, especially since I grew up in a family of seven kids and one working parent. We really struggled, especially with food. And my mom always told us we had to eat ALL of our food. We were not allowed to leave the table unless we cleaned our plates. My grandmother, who lived through the Great Depression, always heaped food on us too, and she always encouraged us to eat every bite. (Heck, she fed anybody who came through her door. God bless her.)

The reason why I have a problem with this kind of instruction is because it’s one way a lot of people end up packing on extra pounds. A lot of the meals that people eat are not portion-controlled and restaurants are KNOWN for heaping too much food onto plates when they serve an order.

This is certainly one way I have put on extra weight. I was skinny in my early twenties but, yes, I have put on weight since then. I recently made changes to my diet and it has made me take a good hard look at the foods we’re all eating, how much we eat and eating habits that keep us from losing weight (like eating in front of the TV, eating when we are bored, etc.).

But there are many times when I will have my mother looming over my shoulder in some form and reminding me of something or another (like “say thank you even if you hate the gift” or something like that). And one thing she said to me as a child that sticks with me? “Clean your plate.” But the problem is, sometimes I can’t clean my plate! And I don’t think we should have to, either.

Ever since I made these diet changes, I have noticed my appetite grow smaller. I just can’t eat the same size or amount of foods that I used to. (Something I am happy about!!) Like today, for example. I started out as eating a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. Three quarters into that sandwich, hubby wanted to split his ginormous-sized Greek salad with me. I happily accepted, because I love to eat salad and also because I never had Greek salad before so I wanted to try it. What was left of my sandwich was soon forgotten as I dug into that salad, but I soon noticed that I was full. (One of my new eating habits is to pay attention to when I am full and stop eating.) Ordinarily, I would force myself to finish eating the sandwich (the salad did not go to waste because hubby ate the rest of it), but I no longer force myself to keep eating a meal if I am full. And I really didn’t think the world would end if I didn’t clean my plate. (It didn’t.) I did feel a tinge of guilt as I threw away what was left of the sandwich and if my mother were alive to see it, she might’ve been upset. But I think she would have understood why I just can’t continue to clean my plate at every meal.

No, I’m not doing that anymore. And I don’t make my kids do that, either. (I WANT them to stop eating when they are full! Or no longer hungry.) I really don’t think it is a healthy eating habit to force ourselves to eat when we are full. Sure, I see the reason why so many parents tell their kids to clean their plates at mealtime, but is it really a good idea to force our kids to keep eating when they are filled to bursting? I think that the better thing to teach them is to listen to their bodies and to stop eating when they feel full. Otherwise, it’s an invitation for extra pounds weighed up at the scale.

If we can’t clean our plate, it can mean a variety of things. It might mean we don’t like the food. It might mean that something came up and we can’t finish eating. Or, you know, it might also mean that we are full. There’s always that possibility. With me, as long as my kids took a few bites of the IMPORTANT food that is on their plate (the main course), I’m okay with them excusing themselves because they are full. And I think some other parents should try to be okay with that too.

Cardiologist appointment

Last month, I had what I have since referred to as a “heart scare.” To get all the details about what had happened, see here. Part of my follow-up instructions was to see a cardiologist at a heart care center. This place is located at a local hospital, locally referred to as RiverBend. I had scheduled the appointment late last month and that appointment was today.

Before my appointment, however, I kept trying to figure out just what the heck had happened. I’d been having this severe chest pain usually once a month for some time now. It gets so bad that I honestly think I’m having a heart attack. I recently changed my diet and started taking aspirin every day, but I’ve still been troubled over just what the cause of this might be. I actually started to look it up on the Internet yesterday and pretty much stopped when the results brought up heart disease. I didn’t want to jump the gun on this. Personal experience has taught me that it’s best to talk to a doctor about things like this rather than trying to “self-diagnose myself” through the Internet.

I still wanted to know what possibilities there were. I talked about it with some people on Facebook yesterday and their comments gave me a lot to think about.

So I went to the appointment today and I handed in the paperwork I’d previously filled out about my medical history, personal habits and so forth. They took my vitals, asked me more questions about my medical experiences and asked me to go more in-depth about these chest pain episodes. What caught my attention was the doctor asking me why I felt the problem was my heart. I wondered why he asked that and broached the subject that maybe the cause was other things. I told the doctor my dad had heart problems and I thought maybe there was a connection there, but that I was also open to the possibility it might be something else or some other reason. The doctor listened to my heart and said everything sounded fine. Aside from my blood pressure being high at the time of this visit, everything else checked out okay. The doctor suggested I take a stress test so they can better test my heart health and so I have to go back when they schedule that test.

I am frustrated that they didn’t have an answer to my chest pain but when I left that appointment, I decided I would try to get a new primary care physician and look into some other options about what could be causing this. It might be the heart. It might be something else. Whatever it is, I hope it can be treated so that I don’t have to deal with those scary and painful episodes anymore.

Waking up with a wake-up call

“I really don’t want to wake up in a hospital room on my birthday.” That was something I said yesterday, while at the hospital to be treated for chest pains. Well, this morning, I didn’t wake up in a hospital room, but I did wake up with something else: A wake-up call to take better care of myself. That point was hammered home even more as I stared at the hospital ID bracelet I still had around my wrist.

Yesterday started out to be a day I wanted to get a bunch of things done. I even had a to-do list to conquer. With the next day being my birthday, a day I wanted to relax, I wanted to get done as much stuff as I could. Now, it might’ve been that particular stressor that got to me, or maybe because I hadn’t exactly been eating very well the week before, or maybe it was just stress, but when I was about to do one particular item on that list, I was suddenly struck with massive chest pain. The pain was really bad and I started to feel nauseated too. I went into the bathroom thinking I was going to vomit but then I started feeling sluggish. It was hard to stand up. The pain intensified, the room started spinning and I began to sweat. I really thought I was having a heart attack.

My husband helped me to bed. After I raised my arms over my head, the pain started to decrease. Eventually, I was feeling better, but I couldn’t stop wondering what had happened. After talking with Jen and checking my symptoms on the Internet, it seemed like I had had a mini heart attack. I texted my youngest sister about it and she strongly encouraged me to go to the hospital. I really didn’t want to. I was so weak and still a little dizzy. I just wanted to stay in bed. But my sister was alarmed and urged me to go. So I texted a friend of mine who is a nurse and asked her if I really needed to. She said I should call 911 and definitely go in to the ER. Not only did she give this advice but she, her husband and daughter raced over to check on me. (Need I say again how so very awesome my friends are?) Her husband called 911 while she helped me to sit down and checked in with me. The next thing I knew, paramedics were at my house and I was being hooked up to a portable heart machine. They also gave me baby aspirin. I checked out okay with the paramedics but they encouraged me to go to the hospital. At this time, my husband was back home and he said he would drive me to the hospital. Our friends followed us and helped us to get checked in. We were there for several hours and I had all these tests and X-rays done, as well as blood tests. Guess what? Everything was NORMAL. There was no evidence I had had a heart attack. But after hearing of how this has happened many times before, once being so worse that I did vomit, and my family’s history of heart problems, the doctor encouraged me to see a cardiologist. In fact, he referred me to a heart clinic and I have to call them tomorrow.

So. After all of that, I have realized that my poor diet, sedentary lifestyle and life stressors have really taken their toll on me. This all happened the day before my 41st birthday, a day I was actually planning to make some major life changes to improve my health. The irony of it all is not lost on me. Now, more than ever, I see how all of those bad things need to change. I need to eat better. I need to lose weight and some inches on my waist. I need to REALLY make time and effort for exercise every day. (I never really stuck with an exercise routine and always checked out when it got to be too painful for me.) And I just need to stop sitting at the desk so much or on the couch so much. My life REALLY needs to be more active. I always let stuff hold me back: My desire for isolation, my preference for being in the home instead of outside and my unease about being around people who ALWAYS want to talk or communicate when I’m not too much for socializing. But I’m sure I can get past those hurdles in order to have a more active life. I’ll figure something out.

I want these changes to happen. I have had enough with the old me. I’m tired of the old me. It’s time for a new me. It’s just time. So I am eager to move forward and welcome the new me. I am doing this for me but I’m doing this for my kids, too. I want to be able to watch them grow up, graduate from high school, etc. I want to be around for that. And I’m pretty sure they will want me to be around for that, too. So I need to forget about labels. Forget about fears. Forget about anxieties. It is time for me to step out of my comfort zone. Time to challenge myself to live the kind of life I kept telling myself could not happen. Well, maybe it can.

Health update

Ever since I blogged on here about having HPV, I have been paying closer attention to my health and how I am taking care of myself. Or, rather, actually NOT. That whole experience was just an eye-opener for me. It made me realize that now, at age 40, I REALLY do need to start taking better care of myself.

Unfortunately, I fell behind on my workout regime. I just got too busy with a bunch of other things and never made time to exercise. That combined with a poor diet meant I gained a few pounds, right after I had lost a few! So I am going to work on getting back on track with working out. In fact, I have spent time this week looking into where and when I can do so. This new program will start next week.

That doesn’t take care of the diet thing, though. I have been seriously thinking of changing my diet. I have researched several and I am considering one in particular.

I hope these changes will get me to eat healthier and live healthier. Weight loss is my goal, but ultimately, I just want to be healthy.

I recently got some good news in other areas, though. I recently had my first mammogram. My maternal aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer some time ago (she is currently cancer-free, thank God), so I felt it was time for me to go through with a mammogram. I got good results back. No problems at all. Yay!

I also have had a couple of tests where my doctor was checking my progress since the LEEP procedure. She has been telling me that, so far, everything looks good and I am healing well. She also had some good news for me: No more HPV! I am totally HPV-free now. Woo-hoo! I was so thrilled by this news. The LEEP was a nightmare but it meant getting rid of pre-cancerous cells and ultimately getting rid of HPV. So it was worth it! I did talk with a nurse recently and she said she herself had it 4 times. Each time, she had to have the LEEP to get rid of it. She doesn’t miss it! I so hope I don’t have to go through that again but I have heard of that happening to other women.

So now that those worries are not an issue anymore. I can go back to focusing on reinstating a workout regime into my daily schedule as well as eating a healthier diet. Those two things – working out and eating a healthy diet – are important to me and I am going to make them a more stronger focus in my life. Things have been hard for a while there but they are improving and I am definitely planning to make some changes and have these two things become a more permanent mainstay.

An update on the bursitis/sciatica thing

Five days ago, I was at the Urgent Care because of severe pain in my hip and leg. I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes. It hurt like hell to walk – so much so that I was barely stepping across the room as though my feet were chained together by Thursday because it hurt too much to take a normal step. And sitting down then getting up was also painful. By Thursday, I was unable to lift my left leg.

The doctor told me I had bursitis in my hip. It had gotten so bad that I had swelling over my hip. It looked like the top of a basketball was growing over my hip! It was pretty alarming. I also had sciatica as a result of the bursitis. This explained the pain in my leg. The doctor said that once that part of my hip had become inflamed, it affected the sciatic nerve.

The doctor’s instructions were to use an ice pack on my lower back and hip for 20 minutes 4 times a day, as well as an increased dose of Ibuprofen 4 times a day. So I started that on Thursday evening. By Friday, I could bend over to tie my shoes and lift my left leg again. By Saturday, I was well enough to go somewhere (to the store), but because I still had pain, I could not stay out and on my feet for too long. By Sunday, I woke up without any hip pain and, even better, could easily get out of bed without the hip pain. Also on Sunday, the swelling on my hip was starting to go down. And by yesterday, I was pain-free.

That Ibuprofen and ice pack are good stuff. If not for the doctor, I would not have thought to use the ice pack on my lower back, where the sciatic nerve begins. I have found it also helped to ice the area of my leg directly over the nerve, where it hurt the most. I also made sure I walked around the house as much as possible. There were times I even stood at the counter to eat my meals because I did not want to sit down so much.

In order to keep up with both taking Ibuprofen and using the ice pack, I did both things at the same time. Soon it was a system for me. Of course, I got very bored sitting for so long and so often throughout the day for the ice pack sessions, but I knew I just had to hang in there and keep at it to get better. I hated it that I could not be very active, could not exercise yet or go running around, but I knew if I did that, I’d be right back at Urgent Care in the same condition as before. I also hated wearing a skirt. Because of the swelling on my hip, I could not wear my jeans and it was too hot to wear my sweat pants. Yeah, it really sucked. But I just reminded myself that this, too, shall pass. I took advantage of being laid up with the ice pack by watching TV (something I barely get to do!) or reading or checking out Pinterest on my phone.

And as of today, five days later, I am feeling so much better. Thankfully, the doctor’s care instructions helped me a lot. I can now lift my left leg just fine – though the nerve in my leg is still a little sensitive. But I am back to walking normally. My hip is still also sensitive but, thank God, I am no longer in so much pain.

I do believe I am on the mend. I was thinking of stopping the treatment today but was advised to keep taking the Ibuprofen and using the ice pack for the rest of the week. Just to be on the safe side.

After all this, I definitely have more appreciation for the sciatic nerve! I did some research and learned there are actually exercises a person can do that help the sciatic nerve. I will definitely be looking more into that and maybe start using them when I can start exercising again.

Goodbye, tumor!

Most of my friends and family know that my daughter, Jennifer, has had a tumor in her arm for some time. Thankfully, the tumor is not cancerous. When her doctor discovered it was a tumor, he theorized that perhaps it had developed from Jennifer keeping her arm in a certain position for extended periods of time. Jennifer admitted that she did have her arm a certain way a lot because she’s an artist. Who knows if this is why the tumor developed. I was only glad it was not cancerous! (Especially since I was dealing with my own cancer scare at the time.)

The doctor suggested removal of the tumor and he also referred Jennifer to a hospital in Portland. Unfortunately, all the scheduling, paperwork and communication in getting the surgery set up was taking an awful long time. We just bid our time, trying to get it scheduled whenever it got scheduled.

Then Jennifer started complaining about pain in that arm. I was shocked when she told me it hurt every time she pushed with that arm. It even hurt when she tried to brush her hair.

After this happened, we knew she had to get rid of that tumor FAST! My husband started contacting the hospital more often to see if they could schedule her surgery ASAP. They finally did schedule it and we made preparations for the big day.

Now, this would be Jennifer’s very first surgery, at age 12. (Jesse had surgery on his eyes when he was 2.) So she was a little nervous and a little scared about it. I could not entirely relate; after my car accident at age 20 months, I was in and out of hospitals and had so many surgeries by the time I was her age that I had no idea what she could’ve been feeling. But I tried to comfort her the best way I could and I assured her she would be okay. I also told her everybody was praying for her and thinking of her. And her best friends definitely became a strong support system for her.

I also made sure Jen got to have as much fun as possible up until the day of her surgery. I arranged for her to have sleepovers and playdates with her friends. I also made her favorite meals for dinner (she even made dinner one night!) and we went out a lot to do stuff. (I’ve been dealing with a stomach bug all week and haven’t felt so great but I went out with her as much as I could.) We also watched movies and had a lot of time just talking and spending time with each other. Yesterday, I took her out shopping and to buy frozen yogurt at TCBY and just spoiled her.

Today was the big day of her surgery. It was such a stressful day for me. I tried to stay strong and told her she will be fine. I reminded her she’ll probably be a lot happier after this surgery because she won’t have to deal with that pain anymore.

But during the time she was in surgery, I just stressed out. It was hard not to be at the hospital with her, but I knew the decision to stay home because of my not feeling well was the right one to make. My husband texted me when she went into the operating room and I was just a nervous wreck pacing around the house and praying. I did A LOT of praying! It helped I had Jesse to take care of, to take my mind off of it, but it was hard. After 3 hours of no news, I was ready to text my husband but he texted me first to let me know Jen was out of surgery and she was okay. It was a success. The tumor was gone and she was fine. THANK GOD!!

I was just so relieved. And I was happy, too. I texted everyone in the know to let them know Jen was out of surgery and doing okay, and I posted the news on Facebook, too.

Now, one thing I knew about this arrangement was that I might not be able to spend Mother’s Day with Jennifer in the hospital. The hospital is in Portland and I am in Eugene. That’s 2 1/2 hours away. I was really upset about the prospect of not being with my daughter on Mother’s Day, especially with her being in the hospital. It’s so hard to be apart from my daughter. (We are very close.) My husband’s car is a two-seater, so even if he came to get me to take me to Portland on Sunday, there was no room for Jesse in the car. So, I was basically stuck here. However, my friend offered to let us use her van and we were very close to considering it. I had hoped that stomach bug would get better but it did not.  So, because of this, we decided I would not be at that hospital on Mother’s Day. This was a really hard decision for me to make. I felt better after doing 2 things: I wrote Jen a very special poem just for her and told her she could only read it on Mother’s Day, and also I decided I would call her via relay on Mother’s Day. She would get to see what it was like to get a call from a deaf person on relay for the very first time! When I told her about this, she actually got excited and looked forward to it.

Even so, I was feeling a little bummed. I have been trying to write a Mother’s Day story and it hasn’t been easy because it makes me think of my mom and I still miss her so much. I still grieve over her passing. It’s really hard. Then I got an idea for a title: “The Mother’s Day Miracle.” Is this a new Mother’s Day story? The title is not the one I am using but that title has stuck in my head for a few days now.

And I am beginning to realize why. Today I was told that Jennifer might come home from the hospital tomorrow. She just might be home for Mother’s Day after all! That would certainly be a Mother’s Day miracle.

I am just glad this is all over with.


NOTE: Forgot to add that I do have a car that would fit all of us into it, but my car needs a part and would not be able to make it to Portland.

Going through a LEEP

Towards the end of last year, my annual Pap revealed that I had cervical dysplasia. This is an accumulation of abnormal cells on the cervix which can, if not treated, lead to cervical cancer. This was a result of my having the HPV (the doctor said I’d probably had HPV for a long time). Treatment for this condition is a called a Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure (LEEP). During this procedure, the doctor removes the abnormal cells from the cervix. There is no guarantee this will prevent a recurrence – in fact, a recurrence of the HPV could happen, and there are alternative treatments available for when that time comes.

After I did my own research on the LEEP, I freaked out because it looked so invasive and even a little painful. I took this situation to Facebook, where my family and friends came together to offer support, encouragement and ideas. Some of them even shared their own stories of similar procedures. This really helped a lot. I went and got a second opinion, as one suggested, and received the same medical advice. I looked into alternative treatments and did A LOT of soul searching on this whole thing. (It’s scary when you have to go through something that LOOKS like it will hurt and you can’t really know what to expect.) I even talked with someone who has gone through this, too. I talked with my husband, as well.

And all the while, I had a reminder hanging over me: If I did not treat this thing, I’ll have cancer. So it was either go through with this thing and face the laser or go through chemotherapy!

I was a little disappointed that going through with the LEEP meant that I could not have more children all too soon (I had hoped to have at least one more), but I let that go in the end. I am just grateful for the two children I DO have. (My doctor said it takes 2 years for the cervix to heal completely from a LEEP. Future pregnancies are not advised because the cervix would not be able to close all the way and the baby would likely end up being born pre-term.) 

So I decided to go through with it. Just get it over with.

During the week of the procedure, however, I was starting to stress out. I was really nervous, stressed and just really uncomfortable about it. I tried to distract myself with wrapping up some last-minute business but was not able to get some things done in time. So I spent the rest of the week just enjoying things and connecting with people. Watching movies, playing with the kids and reading. But as the day drew closer, I got REALLY stressed all over again. And again, I hit Facebook. Again, friends and family offered their support and encouragement. One of them even brought a bit of humor to the table.
(Thank you so much, guys! You are awesome! Love you all!) On the day of the procedure, I was actually in a good mood. I totally had a “let’s DO this!” attitude about what lay ahead. (I really believe the Facebook purge is what did it. I had to get that stuff OUT of my system. Thank God I have such understanding and supportive family and friends!! Their comments really helped a lot.) I guess it helped that something funny happened that morning and I kept chuckling about it later on. It just lightened the mood!

At my appointment, the interpreter, nurse and doctor were in a preppy mood, too. The doctor even made a joke about the machine she would be using.

Now, I had thought all this time that the procedure would hurt. But you know what? It didn’t. The procedure itself DID NOT HURT. It was when the doc used the speculum on me and gave me the shot for the local anesthetic that hurt. (Well, in the first instance, she readjusted it and it was just uncomfortable.) But it did not hurt at all. It actually felt a little strange. The anesthetic made me a little dazed and shaky, but other than that, it was not entirely terrible.

After it was over with, though, THAT was the ordeal. I was a little shaky until the anesthetic wore off (and I’m glad my husband was able to drive me home). I was also a little clumsy if I tried to walk around or do things. It was better for me to just stay in bed and rest. There was some pain, but Tylenol helped take care of that pain. The next day I was a little disoriented and slow (I had this whole ‘My God, what HAPPENED to me??’ kinda feeling), but the pain was not as severe.

And today, two days after the procedure, I feel normal again. Well, mostly normal. I still need to take it easy for a couple of weeks and go slow until the area they worked on is completely healed (2 weeks), but other than that, I am coherent and have more energy again. I still have this whole “I survived a LEEP! Yay!” kinda feeling, and the Very Big Thing is that I feel soooo much better that I don’t have to worry about cervical cancer anymore. Well, for now, anyway. That is such a huge weight off of my shoulders. If there is a recurrence, we’ll deal with it in that time. But for now, I’m celebrating missing the Cancer Bullet.