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Earlier this year, I lost a writing gig that was supposed to be a “long-term” thing. But that didn’t end up being long-term after all. I was going to give myself some time to find new clients for that line of work and, meanwhile, looking for something more dependable to bring in extra income. At first, I didn’t really put much effort into that. I tried to find a job here and there, but I didn’t really put too much energy into it. I guess I was still holding out hope that I’d find a new ghostwriting client.
Now fast forward to the present. It has been over 6 months since A: I tried to find a new ghostwriting client. And B: I tried to find a more dependable line of work while searching for that client.
And neither of those things have happened!
So, recently, I made a decision. It was time to say goodbye to ghostwriting. And it was also time to put more focus on finding a new job. That’s the thing that has kept me so preoccupied all week. It was time to put this quest to find a new job front and center. It had to be my COMPLETE and ONLY goal for the time being. I had to REALLY focus on it. After I get a new job, then I can go back to focusing on everything else. But right now, I live, breathe, and eat this one goal: Find. New. Job.
But then, earlier this week, something came up that sorta threw me off that task. And I got upset and all emotional but then I dealt with it on my own. So after that was over and done with, THEN I got back on track in finding a new job.
At first, I tried looking for work outside of the home, but, recently, I decided that I should not limit myself to that. That decision was reinforced for me in the very early hours of the morning when I woke up at 2 a.m. and, unable to go back to sleep because I was so stressed out about my situation, I decided to just pray. Last night, I had been VERY depressed about this situation. I was upset, disappointed with myself, and feeling pretty worthless. And, now, with it disrupting my sleep, I decided to just give this all to God. Just pray and let God handle it.
After that, I got out of bed (since I couldn’t sleep anyway) and got online to poke around on the Internet. That poking around got me noticing that I was checking out a bunch of writing jobs.
I stopped myself when I realized this. Wait a minute, I thought, what am I doing? Was I really looking for a work-from-home job after I had said goodbye to working from home?
But then I figured, yes, I suppose I was. I suppose this is something I should no longer avoid.
A lot of the jobs outside of the home had all these requirements I could not meet:
Phone or radio communication (no good since I’m deaf)
Prior experience in the field
A degree or certification
Heavy lifting (no good since my arm injury is not yet healed)
Sign language proficiency (believe it or not, I’m not proficient in ASL because I only have one good hand. I’m a one-handed signer! But one job needed me to sign with two hands. My limitation with sign also limited how much of it I applied myself to learning. As with everything in life, I had to adapt!)
But I have actually had more luck in finding work when I work from home. There’s no communication problems because it’s all through email or private messages or a messaging system through a website. (And even if I had to make phone calls, I use relay.) Plus, I understand that I’m not exactly an attractive person for everybody to see. I have 3rd degree burn scars on my face. I’m not so naïve as to think the world is full of people who accept everyone despite how they look on the outside, because I know for a fact that there are shallow people who only want eye candy instead of an intelligent or loving or compassionate person. I know how it is in the world. I’m no beauty queen. (Which is pretty much why I never want to be on TV and tend to avoid video chats.) But working from home, I can keep my face hidden. Nobody has to see me. Yes, some websites want a photo. Ugh! It’s an annoying thing to deal with. I try to be careful with those. But working from home means I don’t have to deal with anyone who would recoil in horror when seeing my face. And, also, I can make my own hours!
And anyway, there was actually a couple of writing jobs on that website I was qualified for. With one job, I had the experience they wanted applicants to have, and with the other, I had a nice list of clips to share when applying for a position. Alas, they were not looking for writers in Eugene. Darn it!
But I went back to bed thinking about that. And I recalled how a friend of mine shared with me a work-from-home job opportunity this summer. I turned it down because I didn’t want to keep working from home, but now I was actually interested in applying for it. And also, there are ways I could work this job away from the desk and away from home. I could work it on a local level. So I contacted her about it this morning and we’re going to chat more about it this weekend.
But even if it does not work out, at least now I know that it’s okay to look for work-from-home jobs again. And I’d like to think that maybe God guided me to the answer to my prayer.
This morning, I happened to mention in a Facebook comment about two jobs I had to work just to put food on the table for what has become known as the “lean times” my daughter and I went through while here in Oregon. They may NOT have been officially “jobs” jobs but, upon reflection, I had to think, wow, I sure put in a lot of hours for those two jobs, more than what would be a normal fulltime job! For example, with the babysitting job, where I was paid only a dollar an hour, it was for 12 hours a day, Monday through Friday. Then after that ended, I took a brief nap (because I started at 5 a.m.) and then I went next door to clean my neighbor’s house for 5 hours. For both times, my young daughter was with me.
And, for a moment, while I was reeling over the 12 hours of babysitting I put in on those days, I recalled there was one other job I had where I worked that many hours, too: Freelance writing. At first, I started working 8 hours a day as a freelancer, Monday through Friday, but later I started working an average of 12 hours a day. I know this meant A LOT of time at the computer and to this day I still regret all the time I missed with my daughter who was a toddler at that time, but I thought if I put in the time, I would earn good money and, hopefully, achieve my goal of getting an article into a glossy. One of those years, I did make good money from freelancing, but I didn’t get into a major magazine. After 10 years at bat for freelance writing, I threw in the towel. I never accomplished my goal, but I started to think I was putting in more than I got out of it. I just didn’t like working for a “possible” check anymore. Eventually, I settled into a regular gig with a guaranteed payout, but that time around, I changed the number of hours I spent at it.
These days, I work another part-time job, and I don’t miss putting in those 8-hour or 12-hour days. (Though, sometimes, with this gig, I do work for 8 hours.) The job is the same as that 12-hour babysitting gig, though this time the pay is a little better. It’s not perfect, but I am SO, SO glad it does not require 12 hours of my time Monday though Friday anymore. No more 17-hour workdays for me! And I’m also glad I don’t start at 5 a.m. again, either.
This babysitting job will come to an end soon. I have been trying to figure out what kind of work I can pursue for the months of July and August. Sometimes I think about trying my hand at freelancing again, just to see if I can finally, FINALLY accomplish that goal of getting published in a major magazine, but I have heard those markets are harder than ever to break into and, if you have not been published anywhere recently or been published in ANOTHER major market, your chances of getting published in a major magazine are even slimmer. That stubborn side of me wants to still give it a try anyway, and I have decided that if I do indeed give it a try, I won’t be putting as many hours into it as before. In fact, the whole aspect of not being guaranteed any check at all from my efforts has made me further decide that I should set my sights on a temporary job that DOES guarantee payment, and just do the freelancing thing on the side to work on that goal.
“Never interfere with your child’s social life.” This was a line I read in an advice column in a magazine this month. And while I agreed with this advice, I still felt there were times a mom (or dad!) may need to step in to handle things. This is especially true if friends decide to start doing business together.
And in this case, since what happened today between my daughter and her friend concerned business they were doing together, I felt I definitely had to step in and have a little chat with the friend’s guardian (in this case, her grandmother, since this is who the friend lives with).
Jennifer and her friend are both artists and because Jen wanted a book cover, she decided to enlist her friend’s help. Because I have done the same with Jennifer for my own books (she is creating a cover for a new children’s book I am going to self-publish and she did the front cover design for Dogs Forever), she has been aware of how this works. So she decided to work that out with her friend, as well.
The problem was, Jennifer promised to pay her friend money she didn’t have, thinking that I was going to pick up the tab. Because this is Jen’s book and the only involvement I had with it was editing, I explained to her that the cover situation had to be worked out between her and her friend and that I was not going to be responsible for paying for it.
And as a side note, yes, Jennifer does earn her own money. However, she recently spent all she had at the Gem Faire we went to last weekend, and she’s currently earning her allowance for the week. Jennifer also earns money for her art, but she has not had any commissions as of late.
Well, back to my story. Once I learned about this, I told Jennifer she should not have made a promise she wasn’t sure she could keep. I was tempted to throw in one of my favorite sayings – “don’t let your mouth write a check your butt can’t cash” – but now was not the time.
I got on my cell and started texting the friend’s grandmother. I explained to her about the misunderstanding and, at the same time, told her how much I loved the work the girl had done so far. (She was sending a picture of her artwork to Jennifer as she worked on it.) I suggested we work out an arrangement since, #1, Jen did not yet have the money and #2, Jen had already promised to pay for the work. I felt it was important to honor that, because I did not want to teach Jennifer that it was okay to promise one thing to a client then turn around and break that promise. (One person I worked for did that recently and you can bet I won't work with her ever again.) The grandmother texted back that she was not mad about this, that she explained to the friend she shouldn’t expect payment and that we could definitely work something out in the event we did still want to pay for it. (We both thought it was cool that Jen’s friend would have her first commission at age 11. I do like that idea, to be honest, but it has to be doable all the same.)
My personal policy when beginning a new line of work is to always do the first one free. That’s what I did with writing, editing and ghostwriting (both for articles and books). That’s just the way I work. My feeling is, if you do well enough with the first client, you could earn more business when you start charging, try your hand at it without anyone feeling stiffed and even gain some testimonials. That is how I felt and I was wondering if Jen could work that out with her friend, as well. But then I decided that it would be better for the friend to be paid for her work. I DO think it’s good work and deserving of some kind of payment. Just maybe not at the original quote, because right now, we cannot afford it and won't be able to for a few weeks.
I am just glad I kept the peace between the two friends as well as with the girl’s grandmother. There’s no anger or anything. The two of them are still friends and they are still working together. There are no hard feelings and it was just a simple misunderstanding about everything. Still, Jennifer did learn some lessons in business today, including that she should not pay for something unless it is done first and everybody’s happy. I also told Jennifer next time she should consult with her parents first – and wait until she actually had a little money in her bank.
They say that when it comes to a job, you should follow your passion. And this was true for me for a long time; I followed my passion. That is, writing. Writing was and still is my passion. It will always be my passion. It took a while before I started earning good money each month for my writing. Then the seasons changed. Sales came in less and less. Then it got to where I hardly had any sales at all anymore.
And, ever since, this has continued. Instead of making money from my writing every month, I made money once in a while.
It just got to a point where I was rejected from left to right, or my emails were not being answered. It was a VERY dry spell that lasted for a VERY long time.
And I wish I could say things changed and started to pick up again, but I can’t. Well, I can’t, as far as sales go. But as far as books go? I was flying off the charts! The acceptances came in. These acceptances did NOT mean money right away, but they meant money “later.” And they were “yesses” instead of “nos.”
I think the reason for this shift is because, at one point, I was wishing I could just write books, and not articles. I wanted to thrive as a writer of books, and not have all of these articles to write instead. In some way, maybe I got my wish.
Unfortunately, this shift meant I no longer had money coming in from the writing. I have occasional royalty checks, but they don’t arrive every month like checks from the freelancing did. I want something that brings in extra income every month. Earning money every month from something, ANYTHING, that I am doing, is important to me.
I considered alternatives. Go to school to get training for a job? There’s no money for that. Get a part-time job? Where or how will I get childcare?? On top of that, I have trust issues with strangers caring for my children.
I considered working from home, but have no idea WHAT I would do. I’m not qualified to edit books; I need training for that. (I have a problem of being too wordy, and I think the training would help nip that.) I considered other writing jobs. There’s copywriting, but I HATE advertising and advertisements with a passion. I don’t have a head for technical writing, and don’t feel comfortable with ghostwriting.
What other work-at-home jobs are there? I considered medical transcriptionist, but I heard the pay is not as good as some may think. I thought maybe I could bake and sell cookies, but I don’t have my own cookie recipe. I revisited a T-shirt company idea, but I remembered that involves chemicals and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having that anywhere around the children.
When I was divorced, I cleaned a friend’s house to bring in extra money. I considered hanging up a sign and doing that again, but I realized there was a safety hazard with this job. Number one, I am female. Number two, I am deaf. That sets me up for someone harming me. Of course, I could have a rule about not having anyone in the house while I cleaned, but I didn’t really see that helping matters.
Still, I haven’t left this idea. And it really got me thinking. Cleaning IS another passion of mine. Seriously, I DO like to clean. The problem is, hubby thinks I am not very good at it. In the beginning of our marriage, I spent HOURS cleaning our homes every day. Then he'd act like I didn't do any cleaning at all, or that I did a poor job. So I threw in the towel (if you'll pardon the pun) and decided, you know what? Forget it. I'll clean on my own time. But still, I DO like to clean. Even if I’m not a pro at it. I like to clean. I like a room, a house, being clean.
It saddens me that I am not very good at cleaning. I have often thought that, out of spite, I’d hire a maid to clean for us if hubby felt I was not good enough at cleaning. (Like I could even AFFORD it!!) But, I thought more on this.
Writing is my passion. I did it even when I was not good at it. I kept at it and got better. The same could apply to the cleaning. If I keep at it, I’ll get better. Heck, maybe I’ll get a job cleaning and get better at it from there.
I don’t think it would be fair to abandon doing something I love just because I’m not good at it. If it’s something I’m passionate about, then it’s worth keeping in the picture. It’s worth taking the time to invest in perfecting. Later on down the road, it will be another thing I am good at, and maybe by then it can be something to bring in that extra income.
As the start of the new school year approaches, we've been preparing for some big changes at home. For one thing, we're working on getting back to the "school year schedule." For another, I have started potty training Jesse, because I'm making arrangements for him to attend preschool in the fall.
As for me? My changes are getting back into an exercise routine and getting out of the house for a job!
Admittedly, I have the same old reservations about saying goodbye to being a stay-at-home mom. What if my kids need me and I can't be there for them? What should I do if the kids are sick and can't go to school? (I don't think hubby will be working the night shift forever.) How am I going to handle being apart from them? (It's hard enough being apart from Jennifer during her whole school day!) As to the last concern, I think if I make the transition slowly, then that would work best. This is part of the reason why I like Kim's schedule so much. It's only for a few hours for 4 days a week. Not 5 or 6 hours! EEK!
But aside from those usual concerns, I have some others, too. What if something happens at the workplace that puts me in jeopardy? What if someone tries to assault or kill me? (I am trying to get into a self-defense class, so I think that would help alleviate that fear.) What if I get hurt? What if I get into a car accident on my way to work, which would NOT have happened if I had NOT been on my way to a job??
I'm sure there are a lot of moms out there who have had to cope with these very same fears. I know I COULD just continue to be a SAHM and happily stay in my comfort zone. After all, hubby keeps telling me he's cool with it either way -- job or no job.
But I am doing this for me, first thing, and for my children, second thing.
I know it would help me a lot to just get out of the house for a while. It would also help improve my social skills, if not my communication skills (thereby opening me to new communication challenges I will face as a deaf person and challenging me to find a way to resolve those hurdles). I wouldn't be so isolated, and it would open me up to new experiences. Most of all, it would be a great opportunity to get new ideas for things to write about (like this transition, for example?).
My children would benefit because they would see me, a woman, going against the traditional expectations set in place for women. I keep telling my daughter that the whole idea of "a woman's place is in the home" is just so oppressive, archaic and out of fashion these days. Well, I think it's time to step up and practice what I preach! No, I don't believe a woman's place is in the home, and I also believe that housework/cooking/childcare should be split between parents on a 50-50 level. Not 25-75 or 10-90. So this is partly why I want to join the workforce. I grew up watching my mother bear children, cook, clean and take care of us kids (sometimes while in a wheelchair) while my dad just worked and didn't do much else (besides enforce discipline). I grew up thinking this is what women do. Now, at 36, I no longer subscribe to that belief. No way! A woman can work just as a man can. And a man can do housework just as a woman can. (Hubby actually cooks and cleans better than I do!) So seeing this message in action will only reinforce my teaching both of my kids that they should not expect one gender to be better than the other and that some traditional roles and ideas no longer hold as much weight in society as they used to.
So, with this goal in mind, I set to work researching the best job options for me. During the time I was signed up for Workers Rehab, my counselor went over several job options with me. I even had a doctor do a physical to see what kind of job environment would be best suitable for me. However, that was then, this is now. I am not in the same physical shape I used to be in (though I am trying to fix this problem, as well, if I can ever figure out how to get my hip and foot to cooperate!).
I started my research anew.
At first, I thought maybe I could work with herbs, since I grew up with a father entrenched in herbal remedies and who often shared with me insights on certain herbs to use for certain ailments, but after some thought, I decided not to pursue that avenue. Biggest worry? That I might accidentally kill somebody! (There are some real toxic herbs out there.) I don't think I could handle something like that. So I crossed that off my list.
Then I thought, childcare? Maybe I could work at a daycare center. After all, I could be close to Jesse. But the truth is, I have a short fuse. (Yes! I'll admit it!) I just don't have the patience to have that kind of job. (I am trying to resolve that problem, as well, but it's slow going and very hard to break away from. I know I must eventually deal with all the anger I carry around inside. I am angry about a lot of things. I know I must resolve those issues and not let the anger weigh me down anymore.)
I then thought of working as a freelance editor. This is still a possibility, but I need to go to school for that. And I have no way to pay for school at this time. And, anyway, that thing is iffy and better suited for my own home-based business thing. Not as a career. I need a career. (Technically, I consider being an author my "career," but that's apples and oranges.) So, I'm saving that for later. After I can go to school for that, THAT can be something I can do from home. (A Plan B, I guess. LOL) And, actually, I have worked as an editor before -- for magazines and even a few books -- but I would feel MUCH better about making that a home-based business only after I have educational training to back me up on it. At least so far, I have experience! Yay!
Next, I thought landscaping could be in my future. After all, I DO make a fuss over a yard looking nice. And I DO have ideas for making up a yard. Also, it's so embarrassing that I'm married to someone who thinks all you need to do is mow a lawn or trim some hedges to take care of a yard. (No offense to hubby, but there's so much more you can do with a yard besides mowing it! That's the creative in me, ayup.) But then I thought...naahhh. Don't wanna be working outside day after day after day after day. Plus, I want a job where I could wear something nice. Not work clothes; office clothes.
Hmm. Office. I know I'd probably go batty having to work in a cubicle or at a desk all the time. But maybe I will find a way to make it survivable?
So I thought and thought. Eventually, I recalled reading a blog post on Karen Putz's blog, on a profile she did of a deaf medical coder. So I thought, medical coding? Could I DO that?? I checked this job out on the Web, reading up on what's required, what the job calls for, the kind of person it would be best for. The job DOES involve calling up people, but after thinking of how one deaf lady worked around that, I think I, too, can work around that. After all, the people at the business would KNOW I am deaf, right? It's not like they'd put a gun to my head and force me to use the telephone! I mean, surely, they would make exceptions? The big part of this job is using a computer and working with forms. I could do that! I also liked how this job does not require you to work on weekends, which I'd definitely want to spend with my kids.
I contacted someone via email who teaches classes on medical coding and hope there will be a response. If not, I'll keep trying to find somebody who can get me started on that path. As mentioned, the funds available to pay for this is scarce, so I'm hoping I can get a job that will help me to pay for that, so that I can then start my training for that desired job.
And all this time, I'm thinking, wow. Job. Up until now, I've only done side jobs and the regular teen jobs. Babysitting, housecleaning, office cleaning, petsitting and I was even someone's personal driver (though minus the big black hat. Haha). This will be my FIRST REAL JOB! I will actually be joining the workforce for the first time. Wow. But as excited as I am about that, I'm also nervous. I mean, I AM 36 years old. How many 36-year-olds do you see flipping burgers? (I have actually seen some 30-somethings working in fast food places, but usually as a manager.) It's embarrassing. More embarrassing that I won't know what I am doing or that I have to learn stuff 20-somethings have already mastered.
But...this is just the way it is. Thems the breaks. This is what happens when a stay-at-home mom joins the workforce for the first time. As nervous as I am, I should also be grateful. Because, bottom line, this is not an experience everybody has. This is MY experience, sure, but it's also one that is not so widely common. Also, at least this way, my getting through this experience will teach me how to help my own daughter should she go through this very same transition later in life. And, on top of that, it's just one more thing I'll get to write about.
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