Is there pizza in my future?

Recently, I saw an “On this day” post on Facebook in which I excitedly announced that I FINALLY had a new writing gig. This after months of trying to find a new one. That made me feel sad all over again because that supposed “gig” turned out to be a scam. It was NOT a good thing because I was – and still am – desperate for work. For ANY kind of job, really. I have been trying to get a new job or gig for over 2 years (I think it’s 3 years now?) and I am growing increasingly frustrated with every single rejection. I have applied for jobs and gone to interviews – all for nothing. On Sunday, I applied for two jobs and, on Monday, got an email from HR at one of those jobs to call and arrange for an interview. Because I am deaf, I use Internet relay (through Sprint). So when I called using relay, they said they needed to speak with me directly. I explained that I am deaf and must use relay for phone calls. (Relay involves another person to relay messages back and forth.) They said they’d let the top HR person know and they’d get back to me. They haven’t yet. They probably won't. And last night, I told my husband about this (he is also deaf) and he said they probably won’t be contacting me. I HAD told them I am deaf when I applied for the job – did they miss that note? But he said I would be too much of a liability for them and they’d get sued if something went wrong only because of my being deaf.

So once again, my deafness was a problem for me getting a job. Oh, sure. We’d all like to promote the idea that a deaf person can still be anything they want to be and do anything they want to do despite being deaf, but the reality is that it is Very Hard to get a job in today’s world if you are deaf. I know this so well. One lady told me she would have hired me if I had been able to communicate over the phone.

Discrimination against the deaf is alive and well, people. Especially in the workplace.

And of course, I have always wondered if there were other factors that prevented me from getting a job. Was it because of my limited work experience? (I have spent most of my adult life working from home.) The third degree burn scars on my face and left arm? The limited physical use of my left hand? Or my lack of a college degree? Or because I am only available for part-time work? Or because I’m from California??

Whatever the reasons were, I have not given up in my attempt to get a job. But it has gotten to the point where I feel like I will be filling out job applications for all of eternity! It’s almost a joke now, really. And sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time because I’ll just be told “no” again.

But I am too stubborn to quit. I may have obstacles in my path, but I’m the kind of person to work around obstacles. I don’t run away and cry and go “Boo-hoo! Poor me!” No, I keep going despite the obstacles and find another way to get things done.

But all of this struggling to get a job has made me sometimes wonder if I should just go into business for myself. I have read of other people facing these same exact struggles that I have faced and they found success striking out on their own.

So, maybe I should try doing that, too? Do something on my own? My own business?

I HAVE thought about this a lot for a long time. I have even had several ideas for different things to do. Different careers or different business ideas. Heck, I even thought about becoming an inventor! But all of those ideas eventually got shot down. I would spend time thinking about them, weighing the pros and cons and thinking long-term with these types of jobs and businesses. And nothing really seemed like a right fit.

This morning, though, an idea popped into my head, and the more I thought about it later in the day, the more I began to think maybe it could work.

As I drove my teen to work this morning, an idea for a pizza place popped into my head. That’s right: Pizza! But not just your average pizza. I had ideas for specialty pizzas. Of course, there’d be the standard pizzas: Pepperoni, supreme, and my kids’ favorite, cheese pizza. But I had ideas for different kinds of pizzas made with different kinds of ingredients. And by the time I arrived at my teen’s work, I had an entire menu in my head. As soon as I was parked, I grabbed my phone and started typing it all down. I got ideas for more things to add to that menu on the drive back. (The drive is an hour and fifteen minutes long!)

The thing of it is, though, I’m not much for making pizzas. I have only made one homemade pizza and it didn’t turn out very well. However, I have also made one of these specialty pizzas that I have on my menu, and it was really good.

What I liked about this idea is its uniqueness. If you want to stand out in a competitive market, you HAVE to be unique. You have to offer something new and something that is a personal style.

When I got home, I told my son about this idea and I showed him the menu I had typed up. He thought it was interesting.

At first, though, I thought, Nah, I don’t want to open my own pizza place. I am not good at making pizzas!

Well, maybe I can LEARN?? Maybe I can get training for it?? Maybe if I try making pizzas more often, then I’d get better at it? Especially these kinds of pizzas. Maybe.

Well, it’s something to think about. I really don’t have anything else going on for me work-wise. Maybe starting my own thing is the answer. Maybe that’s what I need to do. It’s something to think about.

At first, I wanted to throw away that menu. It’s probably too crazy of an idea. But now I’m thinking that maybe I should just hold onto it. Just in case. Maybe one day,  this will be the direction that I end up going in.

The test day and test drive

This summer is going to be a little bit different for us this year. My oldest has hir first job! It is a summer job, but it is still hir FIRST REAL JOB! Yay!

We are all really excited and happy for Trevor. And I am proud of Trev, too. This is an awesome thing to happen and I hope this will be a good experience for hir.

But one thing we learned about this first job is that it is actually not all that close to us. It’s actually in another city. It’s in Blue River – and that’s about an hourish away.

And because Trev needs to be there at a certain time Monday through Friday, we have been spending weeks deciding on a new schedule as well as planning out the route. I had some trouble figuring out the new schedule. I knew certain things had to happen at certain times, but couldn’t figure out the times for the other things.

Yesterday was the “test day” for the new schedule. And, since some things were not accounted for in my NOTES for this new schedule, I filled in the blanks as I went about the day. I went through the day as though I was on this new schedule – got up at 4:30, got Trev up at 5, was “away” from computer and unable to text on my phone at the times I’d be driving and not home, and leaving at certain times that I’d need to for certain things. Jesse got up earlier than I expected – and when I would not have been at home – so I reminded him that next week, we’ll be on a new schedule and sometimes when he wakes up in the morning, I might not be here. I explained to him if that happens, it means I’ll be either taking Trevor to work or on my way home. It was a good opportunity for us to go over this sort of scenario, so he knows what to expect. I made a mental note to leave a note on the table for him just in case he forgets. There is a 2-hour window of time set aside for “Jesse’s sports” (since he’ll be busy with gymnastics and swimming this summer at those times), but that day he was feeling too sick for it. No problem! I spent this time with him camped out on the couch, watching TV with him. I went through the rest of the day figuring out when other things will happen and, voila! I had my schedule all figured out.

Now we had the test drive to do. It was slated for this weekend. I was going to go by myself but my husband didn’t like that idea. So we all ended up going on the test drive! Good thing all of us went, too. Because we ended up being gone for 5 hours! The problem was, we got lost and, on top of that, could not get a signal, so we couldn’t use Google Maps. (And, no, we hadn’t printed out the mapped route before leaving. I guess we should have!) So at one point, my husband turned around and started driving back the other way to try and find a cell tower. But it was a very long drive. So, instead, he stopped at a store and asked for directions. He got the directions and we were on our way! On the way there, I saw that a city was named “Nimrod.” That made me laugh. Wow, that would be an interesting conversation!

“Where are ya from?”

“Nimrod.”

“What did you call me?”

Well, we did FINALLY get to Trevor’s work. It was closed but we got a good look at the place. I was glad it had a huge sign out front. It would be hard to miss!

We never did get a signal for our phones. And when we DID finally get somewhere where we could get a signal – when we were closer back to Eugene – my phone had died. So had the tablet (which has Twitter on there).  I made a mental note about this.

So I timed the drive back and it’s actually an hour and 15 minutes long. On our way back, we stopped for dinner at IHOP (it was almost 10 at this point!). At dinner, I talked with Trev about the length of the route and we decided to calculate an hour and a half drive instead. That would mean we would have to go to bed earlier because we’d have to get up earlier! I was also concerned about there being no signal there. Actually, we both were a little nervous. Trev assured me that they could call someone in the event of an emergency and ze let me know who were on hir emergency contacts list. That set me at ease but I’d want them to call my voicemail, too, and leave a message.

The drive to Trev’s job is a long one but, really, it’s easy to get there and back. Yes, I have to take two highways, but it’s an easy route. Not a lot of turns or anything like that. I am glad for that!

I’ll be driving Trev there to the job in the mornings, but Jesse comes along when I pick Trev up in the afternoon. Since he complained about being hungry on the trip, I made a mental note to pack snacks as well as bottled water. I’d also bring along his blanket and some books to make him more comfortable and entertained.

Another issue, though, is gas. I am hoping we can figure that out.

I am glad we were able to test out the new schedule and the drive to Trev’s place of employment. I may do one more test drive just to make sure I have the route down pat.

I do enjoy driving long distances, but wow! This one is pretty long. The route is also VERY scenic: We saw trees, mountains, forests, rivers and lakes. It was just BEAUTIFUL! I am glad to be driving this route because I love seeing all of that stuff!

And I’m looking forward to greeting the sun from the road, too. I’ll just have to be sure to have some extra coffee with me.

Two disappointments

Had to deal with a couple of disappointing things yesterday. It’s no biggie; just another disappointment popping up in life. Life is FULL of them. I was upset about them at first, but thems the breaks. I will just keep doing my own thing.

The first one was when I got information about this experiment I’m doing. I found out that I won’t achieve the desired affect I was hoping for. Bummer. It would have been nice if I do, but can’t have everything. I am not particularly sure if I want to stick with it now. Been turning that over a lot in my head all day. I know I certainly don’t want to go back to my old drinking habits. So maybe I will allow an occasional beer or glass of wine here or there. But that’s it. Just one. In my research, I learned that more than 12 ounces in one go is dangerous to the immune system. So I’ll make sure to limit it.

The second disappointment was from the gig I was hoping for. Turns out I would have to pay money upfront. I’m not interested in that. I need something that will bring in extra income, and not take any of it out. Oh, well. Back to the job hunt!

Both of these things were nice ideas and it did bother me that they won’t work out. But that’s the way it is in life. Things don’t work out the way we want them to. The way we hope they will. I’m cool with it. You know? I can roll with the punches in life. Just gonna keep on keepin’ on!

Front and center

Earlier this year, I lost a writing gig that was supposed to be a “long-term” thing. But that didn’t end up being long-term after all. I was going to give myself some time to find new clients for that line of work and, meanwhile, looking for something more dependable to bring in extra income. At first, I didn’t really put much effort into that. I tried to find a job here and there, but I didn’t really put too much energy into it. I guess I was still holding out hope that I’d find a new ghostwriting client.

Now fast forward to the present. It has been over 6 months since A: I tried to find a new ghostwriting client. And B: I tried to find a more dependable line of work while searching for that client.

And neither of those things have happened!

So, recently, I made a decision. It was time to say goodbye to ghostwriting. And it was also time to put more focus on finding a new job. That’s the thing that has kept me so preoccupied all week. It was time to put this quest to find a new job front and center. It had to be my COMPLETE and ONLY goal for the time being. I had to REALLY focus on it. After I get a new job, then I can go back to focusing on everything else. But right now, I live, breathe, and eat this one goal: Find. New. Job. 

But then, earlier this week, something came up that sorta threw me off that task. And I got upset and all emotional but then I dealt with it on my own. So after that was over and done with, THEN I got back on track in finding a new job.

At first, I tried looking for work outside of the home, but, recently, I decided that I should not limit myself to that. That decision was reinforced for me in the very early hours of the morning when I woke up at 2 a.m. and, unable to go back to sleep because I was so stressed out about my situation, I decided to just pray. Last night, I had been VERY depressed about this situation. I was upset, disappointed with myself, and feeling pretty worthless. And, now, with it disrupting my sleep, I decided to just give this all to God. Just pray and let God handle it.

After that, I got out of bed (since I couldn’t sleep anyway) and got online to poke around on the Internet. That poking around got me noticing that I was checking out a bunch of writing jobs.

I stopped myself when I realized this. Wait a minute, I thought, what am I doing? Was I really looking for a work-from-home job after I had said goodbye to working from home?

But then I figured, yes, I suppose I was. I suppose this is something I should no longer avoid.

A lot of the jobs outside of the home had all these requirements I could not meet:

Phone or radio communication (no good since I’m deaf)
Prior experience in the field
A degree or certification 
Heavy lifting (no good since my arm injury is not yet healed)
Sign language proficiency (believe it or not, I’m not proficient in ASL because I only have one good hand. I’m a one-handed signer! But one job needed me to sign with two hands. My limitation with sign also limited how much of it I applied myself to learning. As with everything in life, I had to adapt!)

But I have actually had more luck in finding work when I work from home. There’s no communication problems because it’s all through email or private messages or a messaging system through a website. (And even if I had to make phone calls, I use relay.) Plus, I understand that I’m not exactly an attractive person for everybody to see. I have 3rd degree burn scars on my face. I’m not so naïve as to think the world is full of people who accept everyone despite how they look on the outside, because I know for a fact that there are shallow people who only want eye candy instead of an intelligent or loving or compassionate person. I know how it is in the world. I’m no beauty queen. (Which is pretty much why I never want to be on TV and tend to avoid video chats.) But working from home, I can keep my face hidden. Nobody has to see me. Yes, some websites want a photo. Ugh! It’s an annoying thing to deal with. I try to be careful with those. But working from home means I don’t have to deal with anyone who would recoil in horror when seeing my face. And, also, I can make my own hours!

And anyway, there was actually a couple of writing jobs on that website I was qualified for. With one job, I had the experience they wanted applicants to have, and with the other, I had a nice list of clips to share when applying for a position. Alas, they were not looking for writers in Eugene. Darn it!

But I went back to bed thinking about that. And I recalled how a friend of mine shared with me a work-from-home job opportunity this summer. I turned it down because I didn’t want to keep working from home, but now I was actually interested in applying for it. And also, there are ways I could work this job away from the desk and away from home. I could work it on a local level. So I contacted her about it this morning and we’re going to chat more about it this weekend.

But even if it does not work out, at least now I know that it’s okay to look for work-from-home jobs again. And I’d like to think that maybe God guided me to the answer to my prayer.

The other Dawns

I have heard of employers doing a Google search on people applying for jobs. Recently, I had to fill out a form for the new job I got, and I started to wonder what kinds of things might turn up if they did a Google search on my name – my married name.

I was asked what other names I have gone by and I mentioned my maiden name, having used the name “Dawn Colclasure” for all of my writing work. I did not change the last name I write under after I married, as some female writers do, because I have always wanted to use the maiden name at all times, even if I was married. Some people in my family may wonder WHY I would choose to continue using that name since some of my siblings have some bad things on their record and people might think I’m like them, and there are some people who wish the ENTIRE Colclasure clan would suffer a slow and painful death. But, really, I want to keep using my maiden name for all of my writing endeavors. Some people on my husband’s side of the family have grudgingly accepted this.

I have done Google searches on the maiden name in the past. Only one thing came up: Author. But for my married name, it seemed there were A LOT of women out there with this name (since the last name, Wilson, is a common name) who were pursuing a variety of different careers. I decided to Google THAT name today and see what I came up with. I only went through a few pages in my Google search. These are the results I got:

Real estate agent
LOL I always say I'd never fit that job profile.

Photographer
I have actually thought of taking up professional photography!

Psychologist
Hm, I AM interested in psychology, but not enough to make it a career.

Minister
Although I say I am of one religion, I have a strong interest in studying all religions, so I wouldn't feel right preaching just ONE religion!
 
Lawyer
LOL No way! Same reason why I'd never qualify as a real estate agent!

Producer
Hm, that's actually something that COULD be me. I've always been interested in getting into the film industry.

Museum Director
Oh, yeah! I love history and culture! That could TOTALLY be me! As long as I don't have to wear make-up or nice clothes.

Professor of Psychology
Hm, I have always wanted to be a teacher, and I AM interested in psychology. Another likely one!

Doctor
I would definitely NOT fit this job profile for the same reason why I decided to pass on pursuing a career in herbal medicine: I am not one of those people comfortable with having someone's LIFE in my hands. I don't think I could live with myself if somebody died because of me.

Psychotherapist
Nahhh.

Author
Hey, that's me! Oh, wait, under my maiden name....

Two passions

They say that when it comes to a job, you should follow your passion. And this was true for me for a long time; I followed my passion. That is, writing. Writing was and still is my passion. It will always be my passion. It took a while before I started earning good money each month for my writing. Then the seasons changed. Sales came in less and less. Then it got to where I hardly had any sales at all anymore.

And, ever since, this has continued. Instead of making money from my writing every month, I made money once in a while.

It just got to a point where I was rejected from left to right, or my emails were not being answered. It was a VERY dry spell that lasted for a VERY long time.

And I wish I could say things changed and started to pick up again, but I can’t. Well, I can’t, as far as sales go. But as far as books go? I was flying off the charts! The acceptances came in. These acceptances did NOT mean money right away, but they meant money “later.” And they were “yesses” instead of “nos.”

I think the reason for this shift is because, at one point, I was wishing I could just write books, and not articles. I wanted to thrive as a writer of books, and not have all of these articles to write instead. In some way, maybe I got my wish.

Unfortunately, this shift meant I no longer had money coming in from the writing. I have occasional royalty checks, but they don’t arrive every month like checks from the freelancing did. I want something that brings in extra income every month. Earning money every month from something, ANYTHING, that I am doing, is important to me.

I considered alternatives. Go to school to get training for a job? There’s no money for that. Get a part-time job? Where or how will I get childcare?? On top of that, I have trust issues with strangers caring for my children.

I considered working from home, but have no idea WHAT I would do. I’m not qualified to edit books; I need training for that. (I have a problem of being too wordy, and I think the training would help nip that.) I considered other writing jobs. There’s copywriting, but I HATE advertising and advertisements with a passion. I don’t have a head for technical writing, and don’t feel comfortable with ghostwriting.

What other work-at-home jobs are there? I considered medical transcriptionist, but I heard the pay is not as good as some may think. I thought maybe I could bake and sell cookies, but I don’t have my own cookie recipe. I revisited a T-shirt company idea, but I remembered that involves chemicals and I wouldn’t feel comfortable having that anywhere around the children.

When I was divorced, I cleaned a friend’s house to bring in extra money. I considered hanging up a sign and doing that again, but I realized there was a safety hazard with this job. Number one, I am female. Number two, I am deaf. That sets me up for someone harming me. Of course, I could have a rule about not having anyone in the house while I cleaned, but I didn’t really see that helping matters.

Still, I haven’t left this idea. And it really got me thinking. Cleaning IS another passion of mine. Seriously, I DO like to clean. The problem is, hubby thinks I am not very good at it. In the beginning of our marriage, I spent HOURS cleaning our homes every day. Then he'd act like I didn't do any cleaning at all, or that I did a poor job. So I threw in the towel (if you'll pardon the pun) and decided, you know what? Forget it. I'll clean on my own time. But still, I DO like to clean. Even if I’m not a pro at it. I like to clean. I like a room, a house, being clean.

It saddens me that I am not very good at cleaning. I have often thought that, out of spite, I’d hire a maid to clean for us if hubby felt I was not good enough at cleaning. (Like I could even AFFORD it!!) But, I thought more on this.

Writing is my passion. I did it even when I was not good at it. I kept at it and got better. The same could apply to the cleaning. If I keep at it, I’ll get better. Heck, maybe I’ll get a job cleaning and get better at it from there.

I don’t think it would be fair to abandon doing something I love just because I’m not good at it. If it’s something I’m passionate about, then it’s worth keeping in the picture. It’s worth taking the time to invest in perfecting. Later on down the road, it will be another thing I am good at, and maybe by then it can be something to bring in that extra income.

Changes, and fears, are in the wind

As the start of the new school year approaches, we've been preparing for some big changes at home. For one thing, we're working on getting back to the "school year schedule." For another, I have started potty training Jesse, because I'm making arrangements for him to attend preschool in the fall.

As for me? My changes are getting back into an exercise routine and getting out of the house for a job!

Admittedly, I have the same old reservations about saying goodbye to being a stay-at-home mom. What if my kids need me and I can't be there for them? What should I do if the kids are sick and can't go to school? (I don't think hubby will be working the night shift forever.) How am I going to handle being apart from them? (It's hard enough being apart from Jennifer during her whole school day!) As to the last concern, I think if I make the transition slowly, then that would work best. This is part of the reason why I like Kim's schedule so much. It's only for a few hours for 4 days a week. Not 5 or 6 hours! EEK!

But aside from those usual concerns, I have some others, too. What if something happens at the workplace that puts me in jeopardy? What if someone tries to assault or kill me? (I am trying to get into a self-defense class, so I think that would help alleviate that fear.) What if I get hurt? What if I get into a car accident on my way to work, which would NOT have happened if I had NOT been on my way to a job??

I'm sure there are a lot of moms out there who have had to cope with these very same fears. I know I COULD just continue to be a SAHM and happily stay in my comfort zone. After all, hubby keeps telling me he's cool with it either way -- job or no job.

But I am doing this for me, first thing, and for my children, second thing.

I know it would help me a lot to just get out of the house for a while. It would also help improve my social skills, if not my communication skills (thereby opening me to new communication challenges I will face as a deaf person and challenging me to find a way to resolve those hurdles). I wouldn't be so isolated, and it would open me up to new experiences. Most of all, it would be a great opportunity to get new ideas for things to write about (like this transition, for example?).

My children would benefit because they would see me, a woman, going against the traditional expectations set in place for women. I keep telling my daughter that the whole idea of "a woman's place is in the home" is just so oppressive, archaic and out of fashion these days. Well, I think it's time to step up and practice what I preach! No, I don't believe a woman's place is in the home, and I also believe that housework/cooking/childcare should be split between parents on a 50-50 level. Not 25-75 or 10-90. So this is partly why I want to join the workforce. I grew up watching my mother bear children, cook, clean and take care of us kids (sometimes while in a wheelchair) while my dad just worked and didn't do much else (besides enforce discipline). I grew up thinking this is what women do. Now, at 36, I no longer subscribe to that belief. No way! A woman can work just as a man can. And a man can do housework just as a woman can. (Hubby actually cooks and cleans better than I do!) So seeing this message in action will only reinforce my teaching both of my kids that they should not expect one gender to be better than the other and that some traditional roles and ideas no longer hold as much weight in society as they used to.

So, with this goal in mind, I set to work researching the best job options for me. During the time I was signed up for Workers Rehab, my counselor went over several job options with me. I even had a doctor do a physical to see what kind of job environment would be best suitable for me. However, that was then, this is now. I am not in the same physical shape I used to be in (though I am trying to fix this problem, as well, if I can ever figure out how to get my hip and foot to cooperate!).

I started my research anew.

At first, I thought maybe I could work with herbs, since I grew up with a father entrenched in herbal remedies and who often shared with me insights on certain herbs to use for certain ailments, but after some thought, I decided not to pursue that avenue. Biggest worry? That I might accidentally kill somebody! (There are some real toxic herbs out there.) I don't think I could handle something like that. So I crossed that off my list.

Then I thought, childcare? Maybe I could work at a daycare center. After all, I could be close to Jesse. But the truth is, I have a short fuse. (Yes! I'll admit it!) I just don't have the patience to have that kind of job. (I am trying to resolve that problem, as well, but it's slow going and very hard to break away from. I know I must eventually deal with all the anger I carry around inside. I am angry about a lot of things. I know I must resolve those issues and not let the anger weigh me down anymore.)

I then thought of working as a freelance editor. This is still a possibility, but I need to go to school for that. And I have no way to pay for school at this time. And, anyway, that thing is iffy and better suited for my own home-based business thing. Not as a career. I need a career. (Technically, I consider being an author my "career," but that's apples and oranges.) So, I'm saving that for later. After I can go to school for that, THAT can be something I can do from home. (A Plan B, I guess. LOL) And, actually, I have worked as an editor before -- for magazines and even a few books -- but I would feel MUCH better about making that a home-based business only after I have educational training to back me up on it. At least so far, I have experience! Yay!

Next, I thought landscaping could be in my future. After all, I DO make a fuss over a yard looking nice. And I DO have ideas for making up a yard. Also, it's so embarrassing that I'm married to someone who thinks all you need to do is mow a lawn or trim some hedges to take care of a yard. (No offense to hubby, but there's so much more you can do with a yard besides mowing it! That's the creative in me, ayup.) But then I thought...naahhh. Don't wanna be working outside day after day after day after day. Plus, I want a job where I could wear something nice. Not work clothes; office clothes.

Hmm. Office. I know I'd probably go batty having to work in a cubicle or at a desk all the time. But maybe I will find a way to make it survivable?

So I thought and thought. Eventually, I recalled reading a blog post on Karen Putz's blog, on a profile she did of a deaf medical coder. So I thought, medical coding? Could I DO that?? I checked this job out on the Web, reading up on what's required, what the job calls for, the kind of person it would be best for. The job DOES involve calling up people, but after thinking of how one deaf lady worked around that, I think I, too, can work around that. After all, the people at the business would KNOW I am deaf, right? It's not like they'd put a gun to my head and force me to use the telephone! I mean, surely, they would make exceptions? The big part of this job is using a computer and working with forms. I could do that! I also liked how this job does not require you to work on weekends, which I'd definitely want to spend with my kids.

I contacted someone via email who teaches classes on medical coding and hope there will be a response. If not, I'll keep trying to find somebody who can get me started on that path. As mentioned, the funds available to pay for this is scarce, so I'm hoping I can get a job that will help me to pay for that, so that I can then start my training for that desired job.

And all this time, I'm thinking, wow. Job. Up until now, I've only done side jobs and the regular teen jobs. Babysitting, housecleaning, office cleaning, petsitting and I was even someone's personal driver (though minus the big black hat. Haha). This will be my FIRST REAL JOB! I will actually be joining the workforce for the first time. Wow. But as excited as I am about that, I'm also nervous. I mean, I AM 36 years old. How many 36-year-olds do you see flipping burgers? (I have actually seen some 30-somethings working in fast food places, but usually as a manager.) It's embarrassing. More embarrassing that I won't know what I am doing or that I have to learn stuff 20-somethings have already mastered.

But...this is just the way it is. Thems the breaks. This is what happens when a stay-at-home mom joins the workforce for the first time. As nervous as I am, I should also be grateful. Because, bottom line, this is not an experience everybody has. This is MY experience, sure, but it's also one that is not so widely common. Also, at least this way, my getting through this experience will teach me how to help my own daughter should she go through this very same transition later in life. And, on top of that, it's just one more thing I'll get to write about.