Three things from my morning

Today was an unusual day – or, should I say, an unusual morning. Every once in a while, my mornings can be eventful. I get up and there’s something or another going on and I have to take care of that before I can even have my first cup of coffee. That’ll happen sometimes. But this morning, three different things happened, all in one morning! I know they say that things usually happen in threes, but these were not “bad” things. Just things that really had an impact on me.

Well, the first thing that happened this morning had to do with an event I had been invited to on Facebook. I need to back up a bit on that first and provide some background. I used to know someone locally through my daughter’s friend. This was the friend’s mom. She seemed nice so I figured I’d stay in touch with her and communicate with her every so often. Then she moved and we lost touch. Because we were connected through Facebook, I had hoped we would stay in touch at least through Facebook, but that didn’t happen. I did hear from her sometime after she moved – she needed my help with something – but after that, nothing. It’s like she dropped off the planet, or something. I figured, it’s fine. She’s going through stuff. I’ll hear from her when I hear from her. But it got to be like she didn’t really make much effort to try to communicate with me very much. I mean, it was years until I heard from her again, and even then, it was about something to do with stuff I was writing. (It was nice to know she was paying attention to what I was writing!) Then I recently heard from her again, about something mysterious, and then I get an invite to her event.

Which brings us up to date. This person organized a rally that she was hoping to get “at least 200 people” to. The rally was to be held in downtown Eugene. Now, I know that Facebook’s event invites system has it where EVERYBODY on the Friends list gets invited to an event, but when I got the invitation, I was not sure I wanted to go. I did feel bad for my friend and I expressed to her my condolences over her loss. But I was not sure about attending the rally. I had to put some serious thought into it. Be there for a friend who hardly kept in touch with me? Or put my kids first and not attend something where I could be arrested, Tasered or trampled to death if the shit hit the fan?

I decided to go with the latter. I had to think about my children. I just could not put myself into a situation where their mother would be arrested, Tasered or trampled to death if the shit hit the fan. (FYI: Part of the theme of this rally was anti-police.) I made peace with this decision – or so I thought.

This morning, as I was drinking my coffee and reading the news, I saw a news announcement about this rally on my personal Twitter feed. I took one look at that and ALL of a sudden, guilt reared its ugly head. I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt like I was being a lousy friend.

But…I know that I made the right decision as a mother. I know that choosing NOT to participate in the rally was the right thing to do for my kids’ sake. I HAVE to be there for them. And I have to put them first. Even if I feel guilty about it or look like a lousy friend. So I saw that and just reminded myself, I made the right decision.

I had to remind myself again later on when I was logged in at Facebook and going over the Events calendar. I usually just scroll right past them when I check to see if today is anybody’s birthday, but for some reason this morning, I felt a strong feeling to look at the event invites very carefully.

Which brings us to the second thing that happened. Earlier this month, Jen got an invitation to a friend’s birthday party. The mom created an Event for this on Facebook. Because I am paranoid and suspicious by nature, I contacted the mother personally to let her know we would be there. This is why I did not say if I was “going” or to “decline” on the event page. I don’t post my plans for events and so forth on the Internet because you never know who will see it and might show up and end up killing everybody. You know? But maybe my not doing that is what caused me to be left out when I saw that the date of the event had changed. I took one look at that and I was all like, “Gah!” Suddenly I was in emergency mode, because I was pretty sure that date conflicted with something else we have plans for later on in the month. I ran to check my calendar and, sure enough, we had a scheduling conflict. I immediately contacted the friend’s mom and we talked about alternative plans. At first, I thought it was a mix-up on the date, but then I realized later on that I just did NOT get the memo that the date had been changed. I made a mental note to keep an eye out on that for next time. (Still not gonna “decline” or “accept” invitations on Facebook Event pages! Oh, I’m sure some homicidal maniac lurking on the Web, or even Big Brother, would like that.)

I am just glad that I saw that and worked things out to fix the scheduling conflict. 

As to the third thing that happened: When I was on Facebook today, I was busy scrolling through the Timeline, liking and sharing things. Also reading links to articles as well as blog posts. (And getting frustrated over a video about a church sermon that WAS NOT closed captioned so I couldn’t read anything the pastor said. Boo!) I came across something one of my friends shared that just really made me think. It was about this lady’s day in Portland being among the homeless. You can read what she wrote here:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10206173075358670&set=a.1054787822753.10463.1617551447&type=1

I thought that was an amazing thing to read. So powerful. It really moved me. The homeless problem is not just bad in Portland but it’s also bad in Eugene, too. I see A LOT of people on the streets anyime that I drive anywhere. I give when I can. And I have given in the past. But it seems that we need to do more than to just give to the homeless. The author of that article pointed out something else we need to do too: “Talk to them.” She shared how she learned so much about the people struggling on the streets and cared more about their situations just by talking to them and hearing their stories.

This gave me pause. But it also reminded me of something that happened not too long ago.

See, I don’t make it a point to talk to people. I am NOT a social person. I don’t run my mouth when I’m around people. I am usually quiet, sometimes lost in thought, sometimes lost in a fictional world or listening to the music in my head. (Music I remember before I became deaf.) Yes, it is true that my deafness is the reason why I don’t socialize. I have had to deal with SO MUCH frustration over not being able to communicate with hearing people who could not sign or did not want to write things down that I just threw up my arms and gave up trying. I would LOVE to be able to talk with hearing people, but I can’t. That’s just the way it is. (It sucks being deaf!!)

And this is why I don’t really talk to the homeless people I see on the streets. I just can’t communicate with them. It’s not that I don’t want to; it’s just that I can’t!

But this one time, something really interesting happened.

One day, not too long ago, I was driving home from a doctor appointment. I came to a stoplight where a homeless man was holding up a sign saying “ANYTHING HELPS.” As a deaf driver, I make it a point to stay attentive to my surroundings and take notice of EVERYTHING when I am at a stoplight. This way, I can catch sight of people waiting to cross the street, a bicyclist coming to a stop beside me or a siren flashing of a police car or some other. I took notice of the man standing on the corner before I started looking around at everything else. (I have to rely on my eyes since I can’t rely on my ears!) Then I happened to see that the man was talking to me, gesturing and saying it was a hot day. I smiled at having understood what he said and replied that, yes, it was hot today. He started using gestures as he talked and, surprisingly, I was able to understand what he was saying as he talked just BECAUSE of these gestures. I was basically able to have a brief conversation with him thanks to his hand movements. That was a really nice surprise and I was glad for it too. I was glad I was able to understand the silent voice of someone who just wanted to be heard. And guess what? On that day, he was heard by a deaf person.

So after reading that article, and remembering that experience, I realized that, you know, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give talking to them a chance. If I don’t understand them, then I don’t understand them. I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it. They just want someone to talk to or to get a smile from. If I can do that one thing despite being deaf, then I’ll call the rest of my day a good one.

Summer vacation starters

Yesterday was the last day of school. Yay! It was also a day we had a baseball game. Unfortunately, we couldn't get to the game. I could not find Jennifer's baseball stuff! It's so weird; her baseball stuff keeps disappearing. I felt stupid not taking her to the game just because we couldn't find her stuff, but I didn't want her to show up without it, either. Believe me, I turned the house upside down trying to find it. I even kept asking Jen where she had her stuff last but she couldn't remember. (Oh, that helps!) What was even more frustrating is that she would not help me look for it after she got home from school. So I just pretty much gave up the search. I guess it wasn't that important to her! Wasn't happy she missed a game, but...there it was.

Also yesterday, I had a bit of a scare. I had the baby with me while running errands and managed to get to the bus stop in time to pick Jennifer up. We sat there for a while and I kept myself occupied with reading the EW. Jesse kept himself occupied by keeping himself occupied. Haha. Anyway, we just sat there waiting for the bus to get there, and it ended up being about 5 minutes late. I watched the doors of that school bus open and children file out, keeping my eyes peeled for Jennifer. One child after another came off that bus and I kept expecting Jennifer to appear. But, she didn't. And the bus doors closed and the bus drove away! My heart froze. I scanned the children again, thinking maybe I missed her. But, she wasn't there! I asked a little girl who knew Jennifer if she had been on the bus and she told me no. ACK! I raced home, my heart pounding in my chest and feeling very scared. Remnants of the story of the disappearance of the Portland boy, Kyron Horman, ran through my mind, mainly because it wasn't discovered he was missing until the stepmother was at the bus stop to pick him up and he never appeared. So I got home, logged on to the computer and emailed hubby, asking him if he'd picked Jennifer up while he was out meeting with his friend. I was barely able to breathe at this point, my hands practically shaking. Finally, he replied that, yes, he did have Jennifer with him. THANK GOD! I was so scared something had happened to her. I politely thanked him for telling me (NOW!), though I was tempted to scream at him, "Don't DO that!" Sheesh. I'm just glad she was okay. I hugged her extra hard when he later brought her home. Now I DEFINITELY need to get a new phone, just so we can text each other faster and know where everybody is at!

Since it's now officially summer vacation, I have been pondering just how to plan it all out. We're DEFINITELY going to have some mornings of sleeping in -- though, in order for me to have time to work on my books, I'll still be getting up early. Except for today. I slept in today. Maybe it was until 6:30, but, hey! That still counts as "sleeping in" for me! It's later than 5 or 5:30, anyway. The kids slept in this morning, too. But we won't be sleeping in ALL summer! No, sir! Just the first week. I'm planning to have Jennifer back on her "summer schedule" just so she won't veg out in front of the computer or TV all summer. I know it's important for children to have structure.

I was reading the papers sent home from Jen's school and comments her teacher made. Her teacher had, in fact, expressed her hope that Jennifer will continue to read books this summer. Well, that's not going to be hard; she DOES love to read! But, I thought, it would be nice if her teacher would be able to see just what kind of progress Jennifer makes with her reading during summer vacation. Eventually, I came up with an idea: Create a reading chart! This way, we could keep track of all the books she reads over the summer and we can show it to her teacher when school starts again. Also, I think maybe a reward system would be a nifty feature for that reading chart. Say, after she reads 20 books, she gets a reward. We have decided that her first reward will be a visit to the Splash! water park. Other rewards could be an ice cream outing, a new book, a new toy, a picnic, etc.

I think this "reading challenge" will be good for her because I have growing concerns about her addiction to computer games and TV. Yes, yes, I know I am partly to blame for that. It is just so hard for me to curb that addiction. I certainly DO NOT want her to end up like her father, spending hours on the computer every day. So I know I need to step in and DO SOMETHING about that. The reading challenge is just one thing I can do. Another is to set a time limit on how much computer time and TV time she can have. I'll need to put my thinking cap on about that one and see what I can do. Really, if it was educational stuff, I wouldn't be bothered by it so much. But it's...computer games (like the one with plant zombies) and kid-friendly sitcoms (though she'll try to watch OTHER, teen-related shows if she could get away with it!). It's something I'll have to work on.

My plans for the summer are not all worked out just yet, but at least we can start it off with some ideas.

OHSU

Yesterday we had to drive out to Portland. My son was to see a craniofacial specialist at OHSU because the back left part of his head is kind of flat. It's a long drive out to Portland. The trip takes a good 2 hours. I got up at 5:30 to get the kids bathed and fed (and of course to do the same with me!) and to get everything together. Jen brought along a bag of toys, books and a drawing pad to keep her preoccupied and I packed her lunch box up with a bunch of snacks.

Our appointment was at the Doernbecher Children's Hospital, located on the campus of the Oregon Health Sciences University. The OHSU campus is HUGE!! I mean, gigantic. It's spread out over one side of a mountainous area of Portland. The first time I'd been out there, I made the mistake of looking down and almost screamed. We were REALLY high up on that mountain! But the campus is just gargantuan and so are the buildings. Big, BIG buildings. Jennifer couldn't believe how big they were and kept holding her head back to look up at all of them. I felt like I was in the land of giants!

The specialist who examined Jesse was very nice. Although Jesse cried a lot and didn't really like being examined, she was very patient and very soothing with him. She said what he has is called "positional plagiocephaly." It can happen sometimes in the womb that the baby will rest his head in an area too narrow for full head development. She assured me that it wasn't my fault. (Yes, I DID blame myself for this!)

Anyway, she showed us three things that we can do to help his head shape itself out to normal (though she did say that there was a chance it won't appear so "normal" in the long run). She said that we can do an exercise in which we move his head to the right side, where his chin touches his shoulder, and hold that for 10 seconds then repeat. We do this every time we change his diaper. The second thing is to make sure he sleeps on his right side (not the left where the flattening is at) and keep blankets rolled up against him to prevent him rolling onto his stomach. Have him sleep against the side of his crib to ensure he'll stay on the good side. Finally, we have to give him LOTS of "tummy time" with a blanket rolled up under his arms/chest to strengthen his arm and neck muscles. (His neck tends to get a little stiff and he has trouble turning his head to the right sometimes). We have to do that for 10 weeks. If there is no improvement, then they have a helmet for him to wear to help his head shape out better. (They REALLY want to try to avoid him having to wear the helmet. Babies HATE it. After reading they have to wear it for 23 hours EVERY DAY, I wasn't surprised!)

I am just relieved that it isn't something permanent. That it is something that can be fixed. I am also relieved that we got this before he turned 6 months old. After 6-7 months, what can be done to correct this problem is limited.

Here is more information about it: http://www.cleftline.org/publications/plagiocephaly

We drove through the city on our way out of Portland and it was amazing. They have a tram AND cable cars! One word can describe Portland: "Wow." I saw Portland State University and it is just BEAUTIFUL. I thought Eugene was a college town but Portland is like a "college town on steroids." It's BIG on the universities. There is even a Bible College that is HUGE and it has a screen out front televising information about it.

Here are ALL the pictures I took while in Portland: