The understanding friend

I have two friends who are going through a divorce. These two friends happen to be both the husband and the wife.

Yikes.

At first, I had no idea how this would affect me. Would one friend ask me to take their side against the other? (It's not exactly a mutual divorce.) Would one friend accuse me of some kind of imaginary crime against them? What if one asked me to spy on the other? What if I was constantly being asked by one what the other said about him/her?

Of course, I was worried. But not just about all of that. I also worried how it would affect my friendship with each person. I didn't want to lose either friend. Even as that MIGHT happen, I didn't WANT it to happen.

But I know one thing: I do not want to be involved. I love them both dearly and refuse to take sides. I read this quote yesterday and I think it's appropriate for a situation such as this: "Sometimes the best position to take is no position at all." That would apply here.

Maybe some would see my refusal to take sides as a cop-out to proving what kind of a friend I am to these people. But I don't see it that way. I'm not the kind of friend to betray someone in the face of an emotional, ongoing tug-of-war. I'm the kind of friend who will be there for each one of them.

I'll cheer one friend on, sure, but I'll cheer the other on, too. And whoever is the victor (IS there a victor in this kind of thing?) will still have my friendship. But so will the defeated (I don't want to say "loser." Divorce is NEVER the end!). I will support each person during this hard time they are going through. I'll be a shoulder to lean on for each one of them, as well as an understanding and sympathetic listener. I have already gone through my own divorce and while mine was not so riddled with conflict, I can relate to the stages and the emotions each friend is going through. I know. I have been there.

I think that is the bonus in my friendship with them. The fact that I understand COMPLETELY what they are going through and where it will lead them allows me to be the kind of understanding and sympathetic, supporting friend they need right now to get through this hard time -- and get past it.