This and that

The new neighbors moved in the other day. A single dad with two kids. LOL Just call this whole duplex building the Divorcee House. Haha. I was talking with the dad last night when they came over for my daughter's birthday. He's from California, too! Sweet! I told him, "I used to live in the desert in California, how about you?" At first he was "fingerspelling" "L-A" and it looked like he was saying more. I froze, thinking, 'No WAY is he saying La Quinta,' cause if he was, I'd start wondering if I'd happened to have run into him before. (Wouldn't THAT be weird??) But, no, he was saying, "L.A." And I laughed, going "oh, L.A." and I was thinking to myself, 'DUH!' I told him I used to live in the L.A. area, my grandmother once had an apartment building in L.A. which she managed, and blah, blah, blah, more L.A. talk.

As of today, I am doing "first reads" for Zumaya Publications. This is the publishing company my novel is with and this is the company editor I chat with frequently. I offered to help out on reading subs (she got 80 in one day!) so now I'm doing first reads.

This does NOT mean writers can get "a good word" from me with the company. All I've got going on here is reading submissions and hoping/praying I can get my novel revisions to their satisfaction so I can land a contract with them.

I'm pretty much leaning towards non-editing gigs now and getting more involved with publishing companies. And not just so they'll publish EVERY book I write. ;)

I am also TRYING to get my SIGNews story done. I'm still waiting to hear back from two police officers for information. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow morning, I will call. There's only so far I can take the email-interviewing thing. I don't feel good about making phone calls; hearing people get creeped out with relay calls. Plus, it's information they MIGHT not want to share, and using the relay service involves a third party. Operator trained to be discreet and all or not, I just don't trust them that much with too much private information. And I don't share too much info on my SIGNews assignments until the story runs. Not anything that could hurt the story, anyway.

My daughter has been acting out an awful lot lately. Mostly, she just doesn't mind me. I ask her to brush her teeth and she acts like she can't even hear me. She'll also say she DID do something and I'll find out she didn't. At first I thought "ok, this is all part of her turning 5" but this morning, she was crying for her dad so bad, I realized maybe she is not behaving because this is just her way of "dealing" with the divorce. I've been legally divorced for almost 3 months. She sees her dad EVERY DAY. She spends weekends with him, too. But, she is SO ATTACHED to him. Very attached. I'm starting to worry about my plans to move back to California. I know it will be hard for her. When we were staying at my sister's house in Lake Arrowhead for over 2 weeks, there were many times she cried for him. It was heartbreaking, especially given what he had put me through and STILL putting me through even then and sending emails while I was at my sister's. Ugh. Nowadays, though, the two of us are civil. Oh, sure, he'll try to call the shots on things with me from time to time. But it's not at the "danger level," or anything. But, still. I miss my family. I really do. Especially my mom. We haven't seen her since Christmas! And that is really hard. My ex keeps saying he'll help us get plane tickets so we can visit with her from time to time, but I don't have much faith in that happening because EVERY other occasion when we need financial help (like I do this month! IF I don't get a job...), he can't do it. Family is REALLY important to me, though.... and before moving here, I was really close to mine. I know, they have their faults. Doesn't everybody? haha But, you only get ONE family. And I really don't have a reason to stay here in Oregon... My daughter does. Sure. I'd hate to break them apart. That's part of the reason WHY I finally gave in and moved here. But I miss MY family....my mom, my sisters, nephews and neices. There are two new neices born in June who I haven't even SEEN yet.... I can live with being far apart from my ex. But my daughter can't. So, I have to work that dillemma out. I told my sister maybe we would stay here until my daughter is older, but...I don't know. How would later make it any easier than sooner?....

My back is bothering me again today. Not as bad as before, but still painful. And I'm STILL not used to this new keyboard yet! I keep hitting the wrong keys...

I don't want to hide away from the world. That's a worry I'm having now, because I'm sort of doing that now. For example, I used to have my windowes opened during the daytime all the time. Then after some drunk came to my living room window repeatedly asking me to let him in, I freaked and now I leave them closed. (My mom got mad at me for not calling the cops when that happened. She said, "I know you try to be nice, but sometimes you need to speak up." Unfortunately, she is right. That is my fault. I am TOO nice!! Mark even said I should've dialed 911. A friend in L.A. agreed I should've reported it. OK, so THREE people all said the same thing. WHY THE HECK didn't I DO that??) Well, admittedly, I worried for my daughter's safety. She was right there at the window and the guy was trying to see if he could get the screen off. I did NOT want to leave her side....

This reminds me of the dreams I had last night. For five nights in a row, I dreamed about a certain someone. A REAL someone! LOL Not my dream guy...but someone real. The one who looks like him. So, anyways. Yes, I dreamed about him for five nights straight. I thought that was awful strange. But then last night, it was horrible. He wasn't in the dreams at all; instead, I had bad dreams, one right after the other. And they were all the same: Somebody breaking into my house. I know this happened shortly after we moved here. This DID happen, and I thank God Almighty we weren't hurt. Especially on one night, when I was all alone. Thank God I had locked my bedroom door!! But, anyway. Yes, that happened. And I dreamed it was happening again. Somebody breaking in. That's all I saw before I'd wake up, shaking and terrified like it really happened. I'd just lie in my bed, staring out the door, praying someone HAD NOT really broken in. And I was watching and getting up the nerve to grab my hunting knife or aluminum bat to go running out of there with if someone appeared.

What made matters worse is that my dog occasionally barked. Sometimes when I woke up from those dreams, I saw my dog with his head up, looking out the door, barking. I got REALLY scared, then. But I can't let fear get the better of me. I can't DO that. I refuse to let fear control my life again! If somebody DID break in, I WOULD go after them. My baby girl was right there with me and she depends on me for her safety.

Well, at one point, the dreams got to me too much and I couldn't go back to sleep. I just huddled up with my daughter under the covers, shaking and praying we'd get through this night ok. And obviously, we did. I am thankful to God we are ok.

But whoever it is putting dreams together...I want that certain someone back in my dreams! LOL Waking up from a dream like that is MUCH better than waking up shaking and all scared.