He said, she said

I haven't blogged much lately because I've been working on my books. Trying to get those deadlines met. I am nervous about being able to meet them, because if I don't, then it will show that I don't have what it takes to be a successful author. But I'm trying to stay positive and have faith that I will meet them.

So, anyway. Stuff gets cut back when I'm working on deadline. That includes blogging.

And today, I was planning to get some more work done on the current ghost book. There are people I have been TRYING to find the time to call, but I haven't been able to because I have also been so busy with the kids and the house. (I do the bulk of the housework during the week.) So I thought I would FINALLY be able to make those overdue phone calls today, since hubby was home to watch the kids.

Didn't happen. Actually, I couldn't get ANY work done on that book.

This morning, while I made the kids breakfast, the power went out in the kitchen. I woke up hubby and informed him of this. He got up to flip the breaker switches and turn that power back on. So I continued making breakfast. Again the power went out. Hubby asked what I was doing. I said I was microwaving food, using the toaster and the coffeemaker all at the same time. And they are ALL on one outlet.

That's when he snapped at me about it and said I shouldn't do that. That's why the power kept going out. Then he was talking about how that was why he didn't want the coffeemaker plugged into the same outlet as the microwave and toaster.

I pointed out to him that he never said that. He insisted that he did. He became angry and acted really irritated with me as we kept going back and forth over how he didn't say something he thought he said. He kept repeating he said it, I kept repeating that he hadn't said it. All he said at the time was, "That's too much." I indicated he didn't even point at the outlet at the time he was setting the coffeemaker up over there.

Well, if he HAD said that, and if I had understood him, I would've said, " Oh. Okay. Yeah, go ahead and put it somewhere else."

But I tell you for a fact that he never set it straight with me that plugging the coffeemaker in at the same outlet as the microwave and toaster was going to overflood the circuits. And if it was so important, why didn't he just move it and somehow explain it to me why it shouldn't be there?? I just didn't know that was a bad idea!

His reasoning as to why I didn't get him saying all that is because I misunderstand him a lot, which is true, and that I have bad eyesight. That is true, as well, but, geez, I'm not blind! And I was wearing my glasses at the time, anyway.

Well, the argument was pretty bad. I kept trying to be calm but he kept getting angrier and angrier. It got to the point where he would ignore me when I tried to say something. And later, when I had totally moved past the argument, he was still bitchy and angry at me and kept bringing it up. I asked him why he was being so bitchy and he said he was still mad because of the argument. I told him that you can't be angry about something ALL day. You need to get over it at some point, you know? But he started saying I was always like that, too; angry about something all day. I corrected this. Yes, I have been angry at him about certain things, but not ALL day. I get over it! I cool off and just move past it. But he was taking a long time to cool off.

And he didn't want me around, either. After I told him I would go to the bookstore, because it was obvious that my even being there made him angrier, he couldn't get me out of the house fast enough. At one point, I wanted to eat a late lunch before I left, and while I was waiting for it to get done baking, he looked at me and asked, "Why are you still here?" (I started to wonder the same thing.)

When I did finally get out of the house, I was really upset. I was literally fighting back tears that he was so angry at me, he didn't want me there. I wanted to be with my children. I wanted to spend the day with them. But instead, I had to leave.

At the bookstore, I attacked a box of books that were on sale for $1. Then I went inside and did research for my Revisions book. That took a loooong time! And I was surrounded by 14 different books on one topic! But I was satisfied I got my work done and notes needed for 3 chapters. Yay! (Not so satisfied when I was leaving; I realized I forgot to look up one other piece of information. Gah! Oh, well. There's always Google. And my sources.)

After I left the bookstore, it was 7:30ish. Driving along Coburg Road, I had to wonder: Is it safe to even go home? I was DYING to see my babies. I missed them so much. But I didn't want to go home and get yelled at. (I can feel voice vibrations when someone yells at me. And, yes, hubby does yell at me sometimes!) So instead I went to Albertsons and I got Jen a comic book. I saw a friend there and I joked, "I got kicked out of the house!" Well, not literally, but, you know...

My friend commented that it was hot today. I was all, "Pfffft. It's not THAT hot!" Which is true. It was NICE today! Despite the circumstances, I was still grateful to be outside and soaking up some sun. Those sun rays coming down on me felt GREAT! It was really nice today. If it weren't for my burn scars, I'd be a big sunbather! Well, as I was leaving, my friend asked, "Are you going home?"

I smiled and said, "I'm gonna try! I don't know if he'll let me in."

My friend laughed and I guess I had to laugh about it, too. Ah, marriage! I laughed even more as I went to my car, thinking about the irony of buying the comic book when I was trying to get back home. It was like, "Plllleeeeassse let me in. I have a present for our daughter. Let me in to give it to her, pllllleeeeaasssseee?"

Well, when I did get home, after 8, everything was peaceful. My kids were playing and hubby was on the couch watching TV. When I saw my kids, I hugged them really tight, kissed them and told them that I missed them. Jesse came running up to me, smiling, and I thought that was just so cute. The house was clean, too. Thankfully. I asked him, "Are we okay?"

He said, "I'm okay."

I quietly made dinner and everything seemed fine while we ate. He gave the baby a bath and I've got dish duty tonight.

But I still wonder if there is still some kind of resentment or tension in the air.

It's now after 11:30 p.m., and we have not yet hugged or kissed. That hasn't happened all day. I don't understand why he got so angry about something that happened a long time ago. Why he just won't let it go. But maybe if I give him more time to get over it, things will be back to normal again. We'll see.