February disappointments

The month of February has come and gone, a fact I am grateful for! It just wasn't a very good month for me. Never mind the LEEP (which totally threw me off course for the following week after because of pain and side effects, which I'm still experiencing), but I also did not reach my "book goal" for the month. My book goal for the year is to read a new book every month and while there WAS a new book out I could've ordered and read last month, I just didn't get around to it.

Some other things did not work out very well for February, either. Such as:

1. My visit to an elementary school class to talk about sign language. We've been having scheduling conflicts for this thing for months! I am beginning to wonder if they still want me to come by.

2. My goal to write in my personal journal every day. Didn't happen! I have pretty much resigned myself to not being a "daily journal writer" but I'd really like to see if I can change that, just for the challenge of TRYING to change that! (Can you tell I like to challenge myself??) Soo, didn't happen. Sometimes I go weeks or months between writing in the personal journal! I don't know why. Even when I have things to write about or thoughts to put down or dreams to write about, that stuff may not get written down!

3. Start saving money. It scares me that we don't have an emergency fund. That is really NOT cool! We really need to set up an emergency fund.

4. My training for the race was totally thrown off schedule, because of the LEEP. My doctor said I have to take it easy for 2 weeks. And there's one more week to go. Argh! IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!! I have itchy feet and wanna get OUT THERE! Watching the movie Chariots of Fire last night did not make it any easier to be on the DL. (Why, oh why, did I watch Chariots of Fire when I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANY RUNNING???!!!!)

5. I didn't finish the haunted cities book. Darn it! Yet another month of NOT finishing this book! I am trying to be patient but it's really getting to me. I'd like to think I'm on the last chapter. (I am also disappointed that I won't be able to include Tombstone, AZ.)

6. Another goal I have for the year is to get EVERYBODY in the family a birthday present every month. This did not happen in February, unfortunately. There was just too much that went wrong there.

7. The February newsletter DID NOT get sent out. Heck, I have yet to put the January issue up on my site. Good grief!

And while some things did not happen in February, I am happy to report that some things DID happen. For instance....

1. I took the first class required for childcare training. Yay! I am in the process of being scheduled for the next class. I have to take Child First Aid & CPR, Recognizing and Reporting Child Abuse, Early Childhood Development and I also have to get a food handler's card. Then I'm in. Like Finn. :)

2. I managed to go over the proof for the Parenting Pauses book in a timely manner, which will be out any day now. Woo-hoo!

3. I got more research done for the health book! Yay!

4. The cover goof that was on the new edition for the poetry book Follow That Dream has been FIXED! I am so glad it is of much better quality now. Many thanks to cover designer Charlotte Holley for getting the new image to me and I am glad it all went through okay.

5. I figured out a new plan to ensure I can get everybody their birthday presents!

6. I FINALLY got caught up on books to review for Night Owl Reviews. Wow, I really fell behind!

So, not as many good things as the things that didn't happen. I hope March will be different! March needs to be a better month than February was!

Today, I am also thankful for something that I myself did not accomplish last month but still thankful for all the same: I am thankful my senior dog survived another month. He turns 21 years old today!

A new direction

For a few months now, I have been babysitting for a friend. Part of this job requires some training in childcare. After I looked over what I had to go through and read about certain requirements, I decided that if I am going to go through with this, I’m going to go all the way. And that’s going to mean a new line of work for me in the future.

I have to take some classes in order to receive certification and become a registered childcare provider. After I take all these classes and complete the training, I will become a Certified Childcare Provider.

Wow. You would think it was just a simple babysitting job! But, ya know, I’m starting to think maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is the new path I must take in life.

For a long time, I have not been happy with the mediocre success my writing life has achieved. Of course I wanted to go higher and achieve more, but after 20 years as a working writer, that has NOT happened. I mean, I have to face facts: I will not reach the goal I want to achieve as a freelance writer, an author or even a poet. (I do still want to go into scriptwriting someday, but the time is not right.) So maybe I will have better success with another job, even if it’s in childcare.

Admittedly, I am nervous about going into this line of work, because I am deaf and have burn scars and I KNOW how kids can be with those kinds of things. But the child I am babysitting has been truly amazing and she has actually taken on my being deaf as an opportunity to learn sign language so we can communicate better. Believe me, she’s an awesome kid. And that gives me hope. Maybe other children will be that accepting, as well.

So, yes, I’m going to take all the required classes, become a CCP and become registered with the state to be a licensed childcare provider. In fact, I took the first class today. It went so well, I am ready to take the others, too!

We’ll see where this new journey will lead me. 

Bus confusion

“What is it with me and buses?”  I grumbled to myself today. I don’t know WHY but something keeps going on when it involves a bus – whether it’s a city bus or a school bus. (I’ve ridden the Greyhound bus but don’t recall anything bad happening then. But still!) Maybe this being the first day means I need to work things out, but who knows.

Well, today, Jesse started riding the bus to and from school. Before today, I asked the secretary arranging bus transport about the bus stops and locations, since Jesse has PM kindergarten so it might be different. I was told the bus stop was the same one Jennifer went to when she was riding the bus to that school – but this time the secretary pointed out that pick-up was on the WEST side of the street, not the east side. But I didn’t so much pay attention to that. I was more concerned about Jesse’s ride BACK.

And I guess I had good reason to be!

This morning, as we patiently waited on the corner for his bus, it happened that we were on the wrong side of the street! (East side.) But the bus driver seemed to know Jesse was her ride so she waited as we crossed the street then came up to the bus. Before Jesse got on the school bus, I confirmed this was indeed going to his school and she pointed Jesse out by name. She talked to Jesse a few minutes then explained to me that she always picked up for his school on this side of the street. I thanked her for the information, told Jesse goodbye again, then stepped back as the doors closed and the bus drove off.

I figured that was that. No more bus problems for today. Wow, if only!

When it was time for Jesse to return on his bus, I first had to pick up a child I was babysitting today, because she gets out of school before Jesse’s bus arrives. Now, the problem is that, whenever I pick her up from school, it takes FOREVER to finally get to her at her school pick-up area because of all the cars, people and school buses. I mean, it gets crowded, and it usually takes me 10-15 minutes to FINALLY reach her! So I decided on a plan: I would get there right when school let out, park the car and get out to go find her. Thankfully, I did find her in good time, though we stopped to chat briefly with a friend. By the time I got to my car, I checked the time: I had 2 minutes to get to Jesse’s bus stop for his drop-off!

I got there in three. And right when I pulled up, I noticed a school bus driving away down the road. I panicked! I thought, Oh my God! Did I miss him??  I couldn’t see Jesse ANYWHERE. Would he wait for me or start walking home? And how far would he get in one minute if he DID walk?

I took off in the car, driving all around the neighborhood, slowly scanning the park as we drove past it (the park is down the street from the bus stop as well as down the street from my house). I didn’t see him! I started to panic. I circled the bus stop again. No Jesse. On my drive back, I rolled down windows and the little girl and I started calling for him as I drove. We didn’t see him anywhere!

At one point, I pulled over, got my phone out of my purse and contacted the secretary. We both thought maybe Jesse forgot to get on the bus or maybe he missed it or … something! I let her know I could not find him at the bus stop.

Then I started driving again. My heart was pounding in my chest. I was so scared my little boy was kidnapped or something! (We don’t exactly live in Mayberry!) I was scared to death and I knew I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. I could not imagine a future without my little boy. And it was not safe for him to walk home alone; he’s only 5! I was driving and praying. Please, God, help me find my son. I was just so wracked with worry.

The little girl suggested I check the house again but then I had a feeling to check the bus stop one more time. So I drove back over there and, thank God, THERE was Jesse’s bus pulling up at the corner!! I had not missed his bus! That other bus was not his; THIS bus was his! Oh, thank God. We were SO relieved. I was a bit irked his bus was late (by 10 minutes! They seemed to tick away so slowly as I was frantically searching for him!) but there it was at last. I was so thrilled at the sight of my sweet boy stepping off the school bus. I was smiling and waving at him as he walked over to the car and both I and the little girl sent up prayers of thanks. And when my son got to my door, I just hugged him and kissed him so much. I was SO glad to see him! Of course, he was confused by my actions but he just smiled and hugged me back, too.

That incident really scared me. It’s always scary when you don’t know where your child is. I am just so relieved he was okay and that nothing happened.

Well, later on, I talked with my husband about it. He was bothered that I was a minute late to the bus stop but then he said, “You can’t do everything.” I know I can’t. I know I have to figure something out. I won't compromise the safety of my children – or the children in my care. I need to figure something out for both of them.

I also talked to the little girl’s mom. She agreed it was a scary experience. I asked her about an idea on a certain “pick-up schedule” for both kids but she hasn’t gotten back to me on that yet. But I know we need to get our heads together and figure something out.

I am only glad that today had a happy ending.

The one good Easter picture

Last month, we took the children for their Easter picture. During the shoot, the photographer had to keep moving around on the floor because Jesse kept getting up and walking around the room, so we both had to work together in trying to get him to sit still. But in the process, the cord for the camera came off and the photographer reconnected the camera to the computer without checking to make sure everything was A-OK. That turned out to be a bad idea, because when we got the pictures, almost all of them were messed up. Seriously, a lot of them were cut off at the wrong angle, making it impossible to even get a decent head shot of one or both of the children.

There is good news, though. Of the many pictures we picked for Easter-themed pictures, only one of them came out just right. Here is the ONE good Easter picture of both of the children:



Yes, I realize the flash reflected off of Jennifer's lens there, and I worried about whether or not I should leave her glasses off for future pictures. (This has not happened with any of her school pictures. Maybe it's a photographer-thing and not a camera or setting thing?) All the same, though, it is still a GOOD picture. I am very happy with it and also very grateful that at least I have one good Easter picture of the children for this year.

Unfortunately, the same can't be said of the pictures we chose for our family. I might have to end up making copies of this one picture to send to everybody.

But there is more good news. Because of the mistake, they gave us a free make-up photo shoot. Some of them were Easter pictures, too. I don't know yet how these will turn out (as we have not yet gotten these pictures) but hopefully they will all turn out good. And if no Easter-themed pictures, then at least I still have the one good one to make a copy of and send it along with the others to our family.

NKOTB concert in November? We'll see

I have plans to attend the New Kids on the Block concert in November in Portland. I have the tickets and I've been saving money. I have been talking with my sister about it and we've been making plans to attend together (I have her a ticket and I'm paying for the transportation).

Thing of it is, I don't know if I'll even end up going! I mean, I want to go, because it'll be fun. But there are certain issues holding me back. That thing with that poser is one of those issues. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm so emotionally conflicted because of what happened, and I really, really don't want that to be a chip on my shoulder when I attend and see them in person. See that certain someone another person on the Internet was pretending to be. (Sigh.)

I'm probably making this out to be something bigger than it really is. I bet I'll go there, have a great time, won't have to deal with that sadness/anger/heartbreak/regret/longing, and then me and my sister will leave. If we meet them, then we meet them and I WILL NOT mention what had happened. That is my plan, you know. So maybe I'm just making that out to be bigger than it really is. I tend to do that sometimes!

The other thing is, I don't know if the childcare arrangement will work out. At the time of the concert, my children will be 7 and 1. I've discussed this with my husband. He knows how important it is for me to go. He KNOWS I'll regret it if I don't go....because I really think seeing that certain someone with my own two eyes will bring me closure. But I don't know if he'll be okay with the kids. He's willing to be here for them so that my sister and I can stay the night in Portland, but he is the world's heaviest sleeper, and has a hard time getting up in the morning when the baby cries. Even with the older child shaking him awake. So I don't really know if I can rely on him to wake up with the kids in the morning!! (Sad, isn't it?) That is just...my only concern. Everything else, I KNOW I can rely on him with the kids. So, I have to figure out that problem, too.

As bad as I want to go, I have to accept that I might not. My children's care is DEFINITELY number one on my list. The most important thing to me in the world. (I really DO put my kids first. I'm pretty much used to putting my kids' needs above my own by now.) If this problem cannot be amended, well....I might not go. I mean, I doubt anyone else will be available to watch the children at the hotel room while we're all in Portland. Unless ANOTHER sister drives up out here, too. That is something to think about, and of course I will pay my sister if she agrees to watch my children if that happens.

The sister going to the concert with me is in the same situation. She has 3 kids, but two of them are still babies. She has expressed her concern to me about how to arrange for childcare so that we can attend the concert. (She is a single mom.) We'll have to talk more about this and see if we can come up with a solution.

I hope we find a solution. I hope things change for the better and we both can still go, because I know that I definitely want to go. It would be a dream come true to finally see any one of them in person, and not just that certain someone.