Last night I had the strangest dream. Well, it wasn't as strange as it was...inspiring. In my dream, someone rattled off 5 different "jobs" I had going for me in my future. There was one thing I didn't particularly favor. I heard my voice say "no, not (blank). 'Cook.'" And the person amended what he said, adding, "Cook."
These five things are things I've always done in the past and things I want to do in real life. They are, essentially, my "vocational" goals. But how can they be "vocational goals" IF there are five things, and not one? I mean I was doing these things on a continuous basis, and not just every so often or when I felt like it. I mean, don't people choose ONE vocational goal and do that ONE THING for the rest of their lives? Like..I don't know. Act. Practice law. Protect and serve. Play basketball. Sell insurance.
This is an issue I have been grappling with lately. A real dilemma. I have been working with vocational rehab and we're at the point where we come up with an employment plan. My problem is, I can't just pick ONE THING. I can't! There's soo many different things I want to do. I want to be a professional chef, sure. But I also want to compete in races. Invent things. Act in a movie (yes, just ONE movie, thank you very much). And, of course, write books.
I will ALWAYS write books. That love right there is the ONE THING I know will never go away. I have an undying love for writing. A strong passion for words and stories. Writing is my heart and soul. It is the one thing I have been doing since I was a kid. I'm not surprised "author" was one of the things on that list. I was born a writer and I will die a writer! This is why I have gradually decided to pursue a degree in English. Before, my college goals were to major in journalism and minor in English. Now I am turning that around, because journalism is not a career I wish to pursue anymore. I've done it, and I loved every minute of it. It was fun. It was challenging. It was exciting! But it is no longer the path for me.
Yes, I am going to finish college. That is VERY IMPORTANT to me. I am going to finish college and get my degree!! I don't know HOW I'm going to do it, but all that matters is that I DO IT! It's part of my life goals and I am going to make every effort to achieve THAT particular goal. Not just for me, but for my kids, as well.
There was someone in that dream, someone who I hope to meet someday (and someone of a certain celebrity status). Meeting him is also one of my life goals, and I think about that a lot, as to WHY he was even in that dream to start with. Maybe the dream was all about my life goals and focusing on those goals. My vocational goals are just ONE part of my life goals. (They don't include him. LOL But maybe there's a reason for THAT, too.) Lately, I have been just struggling with this "rut" I've been in in life. I was once talking with my friend's mom and she asked me, "What are you doing with your life?" I couldn't answer her. I mean...what AM I doing? Right now, at this point in time, I'm...a writer. A homemaker. A mother. Unemployed, uneducated and unmotivated. Goalless. Dreamless. Useless.
At least, THAT is what I have been thinking. You know? I'm JUST a writer. Nobody special. What AM I contributing to the world?? Just WORDS!
And I want to do MORE than that. It's not that I don't value being a writer. I just want to be MORE than "just a writer." Yes, I want to be a runner. Yes, I want to be a cook. Yes, I want to be an inventor! But I don't know about the "actress" thing. Acting is NOT something I have really had much interest in. I mean, I DID try to get into acting when I was a teenager, and I WAS almost cast for a movie. But...it's not a BIG THING I have my heart set on.
Actually...I favor "teaching" over "acting" the most. I have always wanted to teach, and I even played teacher many times when I was growing up.
I don't know. It COULD happen. I know my degree will open doors for me, and it just may be what I end up teaching. My goals are not set in stone. I changed one of those things in my dream. I can change them in real life.
The important thing is that, at least, I know what those things are. And that I am okay with the fact that it's not just ONE.
3 days ago