I knew it. I knew it for some time now, but I never said anything about it. I just kept this knowledge to myself and did NOTHING to remedy the situation.
Because I was a little too busy indulging in it.
Today, hubby got upset about something. He started to complain about how all I ever do...is write!
I asked, "Well, what do you WANT me to do? Bag groceries?"
For some reason, I thought this was another episode of the "why haven't you started making millions of dollars with your writing yet?" argument.
But, actually, it was the "all you ever do is write, write, write!" argument.
Yes. I know. I DO write a lot. Whenever I have a free moment, I am working on my books. Or, as in the occasional instance, going through my work for something to send to a contest or anthology. But if not, then it's the books I am busy working on.
And I actually have a very good reason for working on the books. One that I told my husband: "Well, I DO have a deadline." (A deadline that I have NO intention of missing, by the way! I can't mess this up!)
His response? "Why do you even have a deadline?"
"Because I have a contract."
"Well, why do you even have a contract?"
This got me confused. First he was complaining that I spend so much time writing, then he wants to know why I even have a contract to write a book? Huh?
So I started thinking, maybe this is the whole "this writing thing is a waste of time" argument and started getting angry. The whole 10+ years he has known me, he KNEW I am a writer! I have been writing for MANY, MANY years and I have no intention of stopping that, either. I LIKE writing books! Hell, I am lucky to have book contracts!
So I started feeling a little defensive. Ready to give him that whole, "I am writer, hear me roar!" lecture. I just looked straight at him and said, "I am a writer and I'm not going to stop being a writer. And I LIKE writing books." I kinda left out the "so deal with it!" part I wanted to add. (Yep, I was feeling pretty angry.)
Then he said that's not the point he was trying to make. He was just saying that every free minute I have goes to the writing. He said, "You need to get a hobby."
"I don't want a hobby," I said. I guess he doesn't think that my fascination with the paranormal is something that I DO consider to be a hobby.
I was also thinking, I don't even have TIME for a hobby! It's not like I have a HUGE amount of free time, as it is! During the day, I am also caring for the children, cooking the meals, running errands, and cleaning the house. Heck, if he was in my shoes, having a hobby would be the last thing on his mind! (And just to note, he spends a lot of time on the couch, watching TV and movies.)
What little free time I DO have goes to the writing. And I'm okay with that. It's comforting, actually. I don't really have a social life. I have friends, but not the kind who visit me every day or show up at my house unannounced. I am not taking a class, being a member of a club or teaching anybody anything. You know? I really don't have much else going on for me EXCEPT the writing.
And I have been fine with that. I am stressed out as it is about meeting my deadlines and getting my books done. (I'm working on two at a time.) I REALLY don't have much time for anything else. Heck, this is why I'm not even signed up with Twitter. I just don't have the time.
And I keep telling myself, next year will be better. I have made a promise to myself for 2010: Only ONE BOOK at a time. Not two or three. JUST. ONE. I have to make sure I keep that promise, too.
I have thought of taking a class. A cooking class. I have thought of volunteering at an animal shelter or soup kitchen. I have thought of joining a gym and working out. But right now, I'm just so fixated on the writing. And he's acting like that's a bad thing.
Still, I have agreed to at least look into something to get involved in. I thought on it, and I can't bear the idea of being away from my children for too long. (Which is why, if I took a job, it would HAVE to be at home.) I need to be around AT LEAST one of them! So I talked with Jennifer and decided I will look into a "Mommy and me" class. Yoga, swimming, cooking. Something that we can do together. It won't take up too much time in one day. And I'll be able to fit it in. And it will be something new for Jen to be a part of now that T-ball is over with. So I will do that and see where we go from there.
But as for the writing...I'm not giving it up. Something tells me I'll even be writing when I'm dead! (I do believe that, after I die, I'll pull a Hemingway and be busy writing stuff as a ghost.)
3 days ago