Angels among us

As someone who is dealing with grief, there are times that I will just retreat into a corner and feel a little sad. Or I’ll see someone that reminds me of a lost loved one and it makes me cry a little or remember them fondly. The other night, I was thinking about an aunt, and something that she was asking me about when she missed the ending of Rocky II after seeing it for the first time. Then the other day I was thinking about how I stayed up really late one night just talking and hanging out with a friend – who passed away almost 4 years ago. I know this is something that everyone who deals with grief goes through.

The death of my parents has been the hardest, though. And it’s been almost a year since my dad died. So last night I was thinking about him and really missing him. I was sad because I missed him so much. After a rough night of dealing with that, I went to bed, hoping that maybe I wouldn’t be feeling that sadness so much tomorrow. Before I’d gone to bed, though, I chatted with my older sister. We got to talking about our dad and she wondered if he’d made it to Heaven. I told her that I thought he did. In my heart, I believed that he did. We had forgiven him and I’d spent a lot of time at his funeral praying he would be allowed into Heaven and asking God to accept our forgiveness for our dad.

But the pain last night was too much so I decided to go to bed earlier than normal. It would seem I was not going to have a good night’s sleep.

I was awakened during a dream I was having. I literally felt a hand gently shake my shoulder to get me to wake up. After I woke up, I sat up in my bed and the first thing I did was look out my bedroom door. I saw the retreating figure of someone walking through my hallway. This figure had dark-colored hair (dark brown or black) and wore a white shirt. I didn’t see the rest of the clothing. Then I looked at the time. It was 3:11 a.m. I was alone in the room.

At first, I thought the person I’d seen was my daughter (she has dark brown hair and a pixie haircut), even though she hadn’t worn white when she’d gone to bed. I also thought maybe it was someone in the house. I knew it wasn’t my husband. He doesn’t wear a white shirt. So I got out of bed to investigate. My daughter was sleeping. My husband was both on the computer and watching Supernatural. And there was no one else in the house. The house was secure.

It was then that I knew a certain “visitor” had woken me up and had been who I had seen walking away in the hallway.

I checked on my 8-year-old son and found him halfway off his bed. I went into his room, put him all the way back onto his bed, moved him over a little so he wouldn’t roll off the covered him with his blanket. I figured this must’ve been why I’d been awakened. I wasn’t surprised I’d been alerted to something about him. This has happened in the past. There are ghosts in my house and many of them have woken me up several times in the past.

But had it been an angel that had woken me up this time? I keep wondering because of the white clothing. I first saw an angel after I moved into this house. I knew that the being I saw was an angel: He/she did not have wings (not that I could see!) but he/she wore a white gown and shown with a brilliant light all around him/her. The being had shoulder-length blond hair. I couldn’t tell if it was male or female (do angels even have genders??) because this figure was retreating down my hallway with its back turned to me.

Just like the being I had just seen earlier.

I would like to think that it had been my dad checking in on us. Seriously, he fits the description. (My dad had black hair.) And I would like to think my dad is indeed an angel now. I’d like to believe that he went to where my mom is. So I’d like to think that the being I saw was my dad.

This would not have been an unusual thing for us. I have seen my lost loved ones before. And I know that my parents have been here in spirit a time or two. My family has a sensitivity to this type of thing and we all believe that our lost loved ones can visit us in spirit form or in our dreams. My children believe the same thing, too. They have also seen ghosts.

And my son thinks that his grandma was once in a room with him. He can still remember the day that he had been jumping on my bed and he took a huge leap to the floor. Suddenly, he was caught in mid-air then gently lowered to the floor. He told me he thinks that his grandma caught him. I think so, too.

For a long time, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t see any angels. I saw ghosts just like everyone else in my family and I was able to sense when there’s someone in a room, and I have also “heard” ghosts, but I hadn’t seen any angels. But now I have. And with my parents being among the angels, it is comforting to know that I can see them every once in a while, too. It was certainly comforting to know that my dad knew I was missing him last night and maybe decided to pay us a visit. I hope I’ll see him again soon. I know I’ll be seeing him again in my dreams – and my mom, too – and those are the kinds of dreams that I cherish.

Cemetery visit

On Thursday, I told Jennifer about a cemetery I had visited shortly after moving to Eugene. She wanted to see this cemetery, too. Since she was getting out of school earlier than Jesse the next day, I told her I would take her then.

When we got to the cemetery, I parked across the street. Just before we crossed the busy street, however, a guy came out of the building behind us and told us we could not park there. He warned us we would get a parking ticket. I confirmed the exact area he meant then told Jennifer to get back in the car so we could move it. (I am grateful for the warning!) I moved the car across the street and parked in a metered area. After I paid for 15 minutes (because that was all I could afford! Damn meter parking), we walked into the cemetery. I was thinking about the parking thing as we walked. When I’d been there all those years ago, I’d parked in that same spot. I didn’t get a parking ticket. But then, maybe things had changed. Still, I was angry. How could the city of Eugene put a time limit on how long someone could visit the final resting place of their loved ones? To me, that was just uncool. Just another way the city bilks its citizens out of money, grieving be damned!

So we walked through the cemetery. We just started looking at random graves. I’d told Jennifer before that when I had visited there, I had seen quite a few graves of infants. (Some of those graves are very old! Dating back to the 1800s.) I guess she went off looking for them because I soon lost her in our walk. I spent some time clearing some of the stones, removing tree debris where names were obscured.

And the whole time I was there, I felt like we were being watched. Not just by people. But … by those no longer among the living.

I stopped to read tombstones and look at burial sites. I occasionally had to check my phone to see the time so I did not worry about running out of time at the meter. (Grr!) Some of the graves were really interesting and I started to wonder about the history of some graves dating back to so long ago. Jennifer asked me about one in particular, because it was such a large and fancy grave, but I did not know the name. I also found one resting place of what looked like a mother with her three babies buried together.

As I walked through the cemetery studying the graves, I started to wonder if I would be back here in 3 or 4 years time for a book I plan to write. I’d just got an idea for a nonfiction book related to graveyards that morning and I wondered if I’d be including this particular cemetery in that book.

Well, the time came when we had to go and I told Jennifer it was time to get back to the car before I got a ticket. As we walked out of the cemetery, a lady and her dog joined us. One minute the dog was walking just fine then, suddenly, he/she reared back and looked to the left, past us. He/she looked for a minute longer then turned away to join his/her owner back on the walk out of the cemetery.

Both Jennifer and I noticed this happen. When we got to the car, I told her, “I think that dog saw something.”

Here are the pictures I took, starting with the area the dog freaked out at.

Little girl ghost

It's official: A child ghost is living in my house!

This evening, I was cleaning up a food mess on Jesse's highchair. (Why, oh why, did I decide to make spaghetti for dinner tonight??) I had the highchair just outside of the dining area, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the figure of a child going into my bedroom. I thought it was Jennifer because I saw a thin frame and small white legs. "Jennifer, you're supposed to be in bed," I muttered, still cleaning up the mess. Just earlier, the kids had had their shower/bath and the baby was asleep. I knew I'd left that room with Jennifer getting into bed.

After I cleaned up a big gob of old spaghetti off the chair, the whole time with the door to my room in view, I went to the bedroom expecting to find her in there, going through things she wasn't supposed to be going through.

But...she wasn't in there.

I froze, holding my breath. I walked out of the room and slowly walked to the other bedroom.

Sure enough, my daughter was in bed. Sleeping!

So now I think a child ghost is haunting this house. Well, maybe not "haunting" exactly. Just...living here. It would explain the many times that I've found things moved around or books on the floor that were on shelves shortly after I moved here! (In all honestly, I thought somebody broke into my house and nosed through my stuff.)

This is not the first time I saw the child ghost. I have mentioned seeing her before. And, yes, this ghost is a her. When I saw her once, I noticed long hair.

The thing of it is...I'm not surprised I'm seeing a little girl ghost. On the very day that I came to this house for the first time, something told me I HAD to rent it. THIS was the place for me to live.

And as I stood in the kitchen, talking with my future landlord, I got a very strong impression that a man and his daughter had lived here. They might as well have been in the same room as we were! I felt that impression so strongly, but I didn't say anything about it. Until now.

I do know a man lived here before me. Actually, a couple lived here. But maybe it's not them, but residents from way back when, or something. Well, it's something I can look into.

I wish I knew the child's name. I want to find that out. And hopefully, someday, I will see her better. Not just out of the corner of my eye.

Maybe next time.

Messages from Beyond

A funny thing happened not too long ago. I kept calling my daughter's coach "Kim." Now what's so funny about that, you might ask? Her name is not "Kim." It's actually another "K" name, but I'd rather not write it here since this is a public blog and she's kinda/sorta appeared in a T-ball pic or two on here.

Anyway! I thought it was very odd indeed that I kept calling her "Kim." It was completely by accident. And I kept trying to figure out, what's up with that??

But I kinda/sorta had a clue.

Before this started happening, I came across a book at the bookstore which I desperately wanted to buy: Animals and the Afterlife: True Stories of Our Best Friends' Journey Beyond Death by Kim Sheridan Ph.D. I have long been fascinated by animal ghosts and animals in the afterlife ever since my beloved dog Lukas, an Australian Shepherd, died and I started to hear (yes, HEAR!) a knocking at my door. Nobody was at the door, of course. Shortly afterward, I learned that there's a folktale about how our animal friends are known to come visit us in spirit, and make their presence known by knocking at your door. (One person who lost their dog often heard scratching at the back door and no one and nothing was there. The dog was buried in the back yard.) (Psst! You can read more stories like this in my Shadowlands article that's in the June issue!)

Sadly, I was not able to buy the book at the time I saw it, because I didn't have enough money. Then that whole business of accidentally calling my daughter's coach "Kim" happened. I started to think, is it because the author of that book is named Kim??

Well, I think maybe that's why, because after I bought the book (yay!), I stopped calling her "Kim." Yay! (I was starting to feel like I was my mother. She used to go through ALL seven names of us kids before she got to the right one, when she was talking to us. For the longest time, I could've sworn my name was Elizabeth-Jeanette-Troy-Melissa-Neal-Millie-Dawn. Just call me "Dawn" for short! LOL)

So I've been reading this book. It is VERY GOOD! My husband, being the eternal skeptic, would take one look at the stuff in here and declare all of it a lie. (I, personally, seriously DOUBT that, number one, the author would be so foolish as to ruin her good name/business by writing a book of lies and that, number two, all of the people who have given their real names in this book, along with their web site URLs, are telling tall tales.) I believe every word of it. And I am astounded by all of the stories in this book. Wow! It's definitely worth the price. Not only does it convince me that our animal friends do indeed exist on the Other Side (take THAT, you skeptics who say that animals have no souls!) but it is also a comfort to me. Even today, I still miss Lukas, as well as my other animal friends. (I have also had rats and cats as companions.) And sometimes I have dreamed of other pets who have moved on. So reading this book makes me feel comforted knowing that Lukas is still here, in some way, some form.

And I had to wonder, is THIS why I really needed to buy this book? Is this the reason why this book just HAD to be in my hands??

I kept pondering this. Why was it so important for me to read this book? What message was it supposed to give to me? Aside from the reassurance that animals DO exist on the Other Side, and that Lukas is still here.

I thought on this for many days, even as I kept reading the book.

Then I came across something in the book. A woman received a direct message from God. NOT that she saw God Himself. But the message was given to her from Him.

So I thought, maybe this is what I needed to see. This woman's message from the Lord.

But I will tell you, it is not the first time I have read about someone receiving a message from God. I myself had angels in my dreams telling me things, among them a message from God. And I have even heard God say things to me. (One of the things He commented on was His disapproval over greed being the driving force behind a writing career.) I look at these messages people have received, and I can recall reading Bible quotes that match them somehow or another.

Of course, I know we can't believe everything we read. We ALL could use a healthy dose of skepticism if we are going to expose ourselves to what people are saying/writing/publishing. But I do think that some of the things I have read about messages from God do make sense. I mean, especially since some Bible quotes back them up. And I don't see why people would say such lies, or something.

And I think, wow, this is really something important God wants us to know!

So, to sum up, here are messages from God which I have come across both in my dreams and in my readings:

1. God does not hate.

2. God loves ALL women.

3. Love and take care of the Earth.

4. Love and take care of the animals.

5. Love one another.

I guess all of that can be identified with one common saying about God: God is love.

Truths

If you mop the floor, something will be spilled on it that same day.

If you get ALL of the laundry done in one day, more piles up by day's end.

Those two universal truths happened today. No fun.

This evening, I was lying in bed, reading. I wanted to sleep, but the kids were still awake (in their room) so I couldn't go to sleep yet. Over the book I was reading, I coulda sworn I saw Jennifer walk past my door. Or...someone her size. 'Oh, great,' I thought. 'She's out of bed.' (I was trying to get her to go to sleep.) But when I got up, she was not out there. Actually, she was in bed.

Guess I saw "somebody" else....

No more pencils, no more books

Today was Jen's last day at school. Yay! We both put together thank you notes for her teacher. Even though I'm still sick, I went over there and said goodbye to everyone. Gave lots of hugs and wished everybody a great summer. Jen was hugging lots of her friends, too.

One thing I told the teacher was that I was really impressed with how well Jennifer has progressed in her reading and math. She's coming out of first grade with a memorable educational experience! Her teacher tried to avoid the praise by saying that Jennifer is smart, but I wanted her to know that I thought she did a fabulous job teaching Jennifer and the other children. The teachers who try to be good teachers really do make a difference. Jennifer was very lucky to have such a smart, caring and helpful teacher this year!

You can tell how much the children love her. One child hugged her goodbye and didn't want to let go!

So I did the interview last night, for one of my books. And it went well. Yay! The interview lasted for over an hour! Anyway, I was able to stay focused, type without a bazillion typos, and even think up extra questions to ask during the conversation. I was also able to ask for more information that I needed for that part of the book. The interview was with a restaurant owner who has paranormal activity in his business. (Not giving away the details -- you will have to wait for the book to read these stories and see the spooky photo!) I was very happy to finally interview this person. He is a wonderful person and has lived a very rich and fulfilling life. His success story of growing a successful business after coming here from Ireland just really blew me away. So I'm very happy that interview finally happened. Up until then, we'd been playing email tag and having trouble getting the interview underway.

I saw the doctor yesterday. Got an ear infection in addition to this flu. Bleh! The baby has been sick and yesterday he woke up from his nap crying really bad and putting his finger into his ear. I'd spoken with the nurse at the doctor's office the previous day and she said to call back if he was doing that. (Up until then, he had a fever and a suspected sore throat.) So I took him to the doctor and he has an ear infection too. It's just me and him being a couple of sickies! I was up late with him last night because he kept waking up crying. He was just miserable. Both of us have antibiotics, though. I still have to give him Infant Ibuprofen for pain, when needed.

I really shouldn't be driving. Even though I had to yesterday and today. The thing is, I almost drove right into oncoming traffic when driving myself to the doctor. It took a huge amount of effort to stay focused and aware. I'm going to try to avoid driving as much as possible, until I am recovered. This morning, I could barely get out of bed. I was really weak.

Also this morning: When the alarm woke me up, I saw someone standing next to my bed. I reached over to turn off the alarm then when I looked back, no one was there. No one was anywhere. That happens sometimes. I've seen people in my room and they disappear. Or, I will see them, turn away, then when I look back, they are gone.

Jennifer missed her game yesterday. She lost her mitt. I came home from the doctor to find her crying because she wanted to go play baseball, but couldn't find her mitt. I helped her look for it. Practically turned her room upside-down looking for it. It wasn't in there or anywhere else, either. Neither of us were happy about her missing her game. The fourth one she's missed! And she missed today's game, too. So that makes it five games missed. We once again tried to find the mitt but had no luck. I guess we'll have to get her a new one.

I am having good and bad moments. Sometimes I can sit up okay and be aware. Sometimes, not so much. Today I was able to read TWO magazine articles in Poets & Writers Magazine, and didn't have trouble focusing on the words or thinking about the subject. Woot! Hopefully, I can get back to reading grown-up books real soon. Hopefully, this sickness will pass soon enough. I am hoping so; got a virtual meeting to participate in on Friday.

And soon I'll get back to the writing again.

I feel useless not being able to do any housework, not being able to go out, do all the things required to care for the children and write. And I don't like not being able to do my daily Bible study, either. (Can't think straight enough!) Maybe some women would LOVE this kind of "down time," but not me. I am happiest when I am productively contributing to my family, my home and my writing career. I just want things to go back to normal. Soon.

David Minor's Ghost?

In the January 15, 2008 issue of Eugene Weekly, the staff mentioned how they received an email from someone identifying themselves as "David Minor's Ghost." You can read that here: http://www.eugeneweekly.com/2009/01/15/news.html#slant Scroll down to where it says "David Minor's Ghost" in bold letters.

As many Eugeneans know, David Minor is the man who died tragically when riding his bike and being struck by a car. I have a friend who was friends with David and he came to me in tears about this most unfortunate death. Not long after my friend was here, I read the story in the local paper, the Register-Guard. It's not available to read free on the 'Net but you can read this posting about David:http://www.ghostbikes.org/eugene/david-minor

On another note, you can read this post:http://eyeoneugene.blogspot.com/2008/07/women-advocates-for-bike-helmets.html

So moved was I by my friend's grief and the story of what happened to David, I wrote a poem in his memory. That poem is here: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=48150085&blogID=405121086

This, I feel, is an appropriate way to remember someone who is lost. Pretending to be his ghost, however, and asking that his memorial be taken down is, I feel, not appropriate.

In fact, my opinion is that it is downright disrespectful.

While I understand that there are some people who wish to remain anonymous, saying they are the ghost of someone is not the proper way to go about it. First of all, how do they even KNOW that David would not want a memorial site? Unless they are psychic or have proof that he told them, by spirit communication, that he does not, they don't know it.

All the same, perhaps this person is fearful for even speaking out about the memorial site. I mean, maybe people appreciate it and even feel grateful that the city of Eugene will allow them to have something to remember David by. So by listing themselves as "Anonymous," they may not feel safe even then. What if someone finds out who they are? (Just listing yourself as "Anonymous" is enough to stir a little suspicion.) I realize that there are some people who might be tired of seeing the memorial day after day after day. Maybe they don't think it's appropriate.

Myself, I have been moved every time I saw the site of where he died. I am touched that the city of Eugene actually has a heart and actually WANTS to remember this young man by having a memorial set up for him. So touched was I that I even wanted to write about it. About how Eugene remembers those lost tragically.

Nevertheless, I feel that anyone who tries to impersonate the ghost of someone is acting in a way that is disrespectful to that person's memory, if not those who knew that person.