Fixing people

When I was doing research for my novel, I read that many women in abusive relationships think that they can "fix" their abusive partner. Like something is wrong with him/her, so they take it upon themselves to try to "change" that person or "fix" that person. Then everybody will live happily ever after. The end.

"Fixing" someone is just one VERY common (and unfortunate) misconception many people have. You hear so many women complaining about how men have that whole "fix it" attitude with their problems, when they just want to talk about their problems. But that whole "fix it" attitude can often be taken to the extreme. Sometimes people get all "martyr-like" and make it their mission to change others. If they're unhappy with their friends, family members, partners, spouses, kids, etc., they try to change them. Fix them. Make them into a whole nother person.

But that kind of thing just can't happen. Believe me, I know! During my first marriage to hubby, I thought the same thing. "Maybe I can change him." It's true he was in the wrong to put me through that emotional abuse, but I was in the wrong to think that I could make him better. I was in the wrong to think that it was MY job to "fix" him. It wasn't. Because I have learned that people need to fix themselves. It's good that there's a friend or spouse there as a means of support and encouragement, but that friend or spouse cannot change a person.

That person has to change themselves.

How sad that, so many times, so many people still think that it is up to them to change someone. It's not. You can't really "change" someone. You can't "fix" them, either. Depending on the situation, you can either just be their friend, or, if it's a situation in which your life is endangered, your sanity is endangered, your kids are endangered, etc., you can do something that is just as effective as trying to change that person: walk away.