NKOTB concert in November? We'll see

I have plans to attend the New Kids on the Block concert in November in Portland. I have the tickets and I've been saving money. I have been talking with my sister about it and we've been making plans to attend together (I have her a ticket and I'm paying for the transportation).

Thing of it is, I don't know if I'll even end up going! I mean, I want to go, because it'll be fun. But there are certain issues holding me back. That thing with that poser is one of those issues. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm so emotionally conflicted because of what happened, and I really, really don't want that to be a chip on my shoulder when I attend and see them in person. See that certain someone another person on the Internet was pretending to be. (Sigh.)

I'm probably making this out to be something bigger than it really is. I bet I'll go there, have a great time, won't have to deal with that sadness/anger/heartbreak/regret/longing, and then me and my sister will leave. If we meet them, then we meet them and I WILL NOT mention what had happened. That is my plan, you know. So maybe I'm just making that out to be bigger than it really is. I tend to do that sometimes!

The other thing is, I don't know if the childcare arrangement will work out. At the time of the concert, my children will be 7 and 1. I've discussed this with my husband. He knows how important it is for me to go. He KNOWS I'll regret it if I don't go....because I really think seeing that certain someone with my own two eyes will bring me closure. But I don't know if he'll be okay with the kids. He's willing to be here for them so that my sister and I can stay the night in Portland, but he is the world's heaviest sleeper, and has a hard time getting up in the morning when the baby cries. Even with the older child shaking him awake. So I don't really know if I can rely on him to wake up with the kids in the morning!! (Sad, isn't it?) That is just...my only concern. Everything else, I KNOW I can rely on him with the kids. So, I have to figure out that problem, too.

As bad as I want to go, I have to accept that I might not. My children's care is DEFINITELY number one on my list. The most important thing to me in the world. (I really DO put my kids first. I'm pretty much used to putting my kids' needs above my own by now.) If this problem cannot be amended, well....I might not go. I mean, I doubt anyone else will be available to watch the children at the hotel room while we're all in Portland. Unless ANOTHER sister drives up out here, too. That is something to think about, and of course I will pay my sister if she agrees to watch my children if that happens.

The sister going to the concert with me is in the same situation. She has 3 kids, but two of them are still babies. She has expressed her concern to me about how to arrange for childcare so that we can attend the concert. (She is a single mom.) We'll have to talk more about this and see if we can come up with a solution.

I hope we find a solution. I hope things change for the better and we both can still go, because I know that I definitely want to go. It would be a dream come true to finally see any one of them in person, and not just that certain someone.