Surgery scare

On the DC blog, I mentioned how I said this morning, "I could REALLY use some good news right now."

Unfortunately, that good news didn't come today.

But the good thing is that it was not bad news about my dad. I am praying I don't receive that kind of bad news.

But the bad thing is, the bad news is about Jesse.

Today I had to take him to his eye doctor appointment. This was a follow-up appointment from 6 weeks ago. Jesse has been seeing the eye doctor because he's cross-eyed. The doctor said to put an eye patch on his eyes, alternating between left and right, every day for 6 weeks, for as long as possible. And we have been doing that.

But to no avail. At today's appointment, the doctor said Jesse's eyes have not improved. They don't work together. I asked him if there's something else that can be done to correct the problem and after some discussion, he finally said, "Surgery."

At that very word, Jennifer looked like someone knocked the wind out of her.

I had the same feeling. I didn't like the idea of my baby on an operating table, with needles and tubes in his arms and some surgeon working on his eyes. That very thought just terrifies me. I mean, I won't doubt the skill of an eye surgeon. But this is my BABY we are talking about! Anything could go wrong! They could botch the surgery. They could cause Jesse to go blind in one or both eyes. Or Jesse might have a negative reaction to the anesthesia or post-op care.

It's all really frightening for a mother with an 18-month-old.

I tried to remain calm, though. I asked the doctor if there were other alternatives. He said we could try the eye patch longer and see if there's any progress after a month. But other than that, not much else could help Jesse's eyes.

I was crestfallen. I thanked the doctor and told him I would talk to my husband about this first. We would need some time to decide on if this is the approach we want to take.

Yes, I have read so many stories of people with crossed eyes or lazy eyes who had corrective surgery in infancy and turned out just fine. Yes, I know we have to correct this eye problem of his as soon as possible. Time is crucial. They say if you don't correct it by age 3, there's not much else you can do to fix the problem. And if it gets worse, he could have blindness even still!

My poor baby....

As we were leaving the doctor's office, Jennifer looked crushed. "I can't believe he has to have surgery," she sadly said.

"I know, it's scary," I answered. "But don't worry. I'll talk to Daddy, okay? Jesse will be all right."

I tried to believe that on the way home. In honesty, I wanted to curl up into a corner and just wrap my arms around myself. I was sad and scared. But angry, too. On top of the family crisis I am going through, there is THIS! I shook my head and mumbled to whoever was in charge of making this bad stuff happen, "What ELSE are you going to throw at me?"

Whatever it is, I know we'll get through it.