Friday, April 17, 2009

Surgery scare

On the DC blog, I mentioned how I said this morning, "I could REALLY use some good news right now."

Unfortunately, that good news didn't come today.

But the good thing is that it was not bad news about my dad. I am praying I don't receive that kind of bad news.

But the bad thing is, the bad news is about Jesse.

Today I had to take him to his eye doctor appointment. This was a follow-up appointment from 6 weeks ago. Jesse has been seeing the eye doctor because he's cross-eyed. The doctor said to put an eye patch on his eyes, alternating between left and right, every day for 6 weeks, for as long as possible. And we have been doing that.

But to no avail. At today's appointment, the doctor said Jesse's eyes have not improved. They don't work together. I asked him if there's something else that can be done to correct the problem and after some discussion, he finally said, "Surgery."

At that very word, Jennifer looked like someone knocked the wind out of her.

I had the same feeling. I didn't like the idea of my baby on an operating table, with needles and tubes in his arms and some surgeon working on his eyes. That very thought just terrifies me. I mean, I won't doubt the skill of an eye surgeon. But this is my BABY we are talking about! Anything could go wrong! They could botch the surgery. They could cause Jesse to go blind in one or both eyes. Or Jesse might have a negative reaction to the anesthesia or post-op care.

It's all really frightening for a mother with an 18-month-old.

I tried to remain calm, though. I asked the doctor if there were other alternatives. He said we could try the eye patch longer and see if there's any progress after a month. But other than that, not much else could help Jesse's eyes.

I was crestfallen. I thanked the doctor and told him I would talk to my husband about this first. We would need some time to decide on if this is the approach we want to take.

Yes, I have read so many stories of people with crossed eyes or lazy eyes who had corrective surgery in infancy and turned out just fine. Yes, I know we have to correct this eye problem of his as soon as possible. Time is crucial. They say if you don't correct it by age 3, there's not much else you can do to fix the problem. And if it gets worse, he could have blindness even still!

My poor baby....

As we were leaving the doctor's office, Jennifer looked crushed. "I can't believe he has to have surgery," she sadly said.

"I know, it's scary," I answered. "But don't worry. I'll talk to Daddy, okay? Jesse will be all right."

I tried to believe that on the way home. In honesty, I wanted to curl up into a corner and just wrap my arms around myself. I was sad and scared. But angry, too. On top of the family crisis I am going through, there is THIS! I shook my head and mumbled to whoever was in charge of making this bad stuff happen, "What ELSE are you going to throw at me?"

Whatever it is, I know we'll get through it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

((((((hugs!!!))))))
Dawn how scary for you! But...I would encourage you to continue to try the patching for a teeny bit longer...a month is still ok so keep trying. If it doesnt work, be confidant in that surgeon. Make a list of questions, including "how many surgeries of this kind have you done?" And then if you are not happy with what you hear, get a second opinion. Try to relax and imagine a best case scenario. Do not imagine the worst, only the best.
Optimism and joy IS praying for the best....Worrying is praying for what you dont want to happen...but either way you are praying without ceasing so try try try to feel optimistic. Shake off the scared, think instead, how wonderful that there is a cure for this. There is a cure. So many things have no cure, this one is not one of them!

Jeralee said...

OH, I know that feeling all too well, knowing your child has a problem. I hate putting my kids under general anesthesia! It's scary!

Try the patch a bit longer and pray like crazy! I am thinking of you.

I imagine that if they wanted to do surgery, it would be at the Casey Eye Institute on the OHSU campus in Portland???

Dawn Wilson said...

Nancy: You REALLY put that into perspective. I really do have to try to stay confident and positive about this. I am working with them and seeing what alternatives to surgery there are at this point. But thanks for the tip on asking those questions. I think that would alleviate a lot of the stress if I knew that information about the surgeon. Hugs back!

Jeralee: Thank you soooo much! I was actually hoping you might give advice on this, as a parent who has had to deal with this fear. That really means a lot. And thank you for that. I'm definitely keeping on about the patch. He's gotten to where he tears it off now but we are being consistent about it. I checked and they said they'll likely do surgery at their own offices located behind the building. (They're in Eugene.) I'm not familiar with the Casey Eye Institute? I will look into them. If necessary, GO to them. They might have some other ideas on alternatives to surgery for this kind of thing. But if surgery IS ultimately the best thing for him, then I have to try to prepare for that situation, too.