It's apparent you are NOT a parent

While reading Dear Abby the other day, I came across a letter from a nanny in New York who was complaining how the parents of the child she cares for hardly ever spend time with their child. She admitted that, as someone who is NOT a parent herself, she has no place to discuss this matter with her employees. Still, she was concerned.

And after I saw that letter, I was just glad there was someone who is NOT a parent recognizing that they have no place to give advice to parents on how exactly they parent their children. While her complaint is indeed a valid one, she still would not serve as a credible source of advice on what is right and what is wrong with how someone goes about this parenting business.

Somehow or another, certain non-parents out there think that advice they heard on Dr. Phil or something they read on the Internet is enough to explain away some problem a parent they know is having or how it will correct some kind of mistake that a parent is making.

And these parents getting that advice will think 'You have NO CLUE what it's like to be a mother/father/parent.' (Take your pick.) Therefore, these advice-givers really don't have much clout, even when they think they are right. (Heads up: Not every single piece of parenting advice out there is a one-size-fits-all pill you can give to parents.)

I have been on the receiving end of this kind of thing many times. People who saw something on a talk show or web site take something to do with the way I parent my children and say, "You are WRONG!" It's either to correct some mistake or to offer advice that hasn't exactly been asked for. I can only roll my eyes and think, 'Whatever. Get back to me when YOU have kids.'

I'm reminded of a scene in the TV show Roseanne. Roseanne and her sister Jackie are arguing about something to do with Roseanne's older daughter, Becky. Jackie is trying to get her opinion across but Roseanne isn't buying it. Finally, out of frustration, Jackie asks, "When are you going to start listening to me?" And Roseanne replies, "When your water breaks." For those of you who might not get that, she was pretty much telling her single, childless sister, "Don't tell me how to parent MY kid until after you even know what it's like to parent YOUR kid."

Admittedly, I'm guilty of this crime. Before I became a mom, I thought I knew better when I told any of my sisters this or that about how they were parenting their children. Oh, I thought I was SO smart! I thought I knew it all. I thought my experience as a babysitter gave me enough experience as a "parent." (Ha! What a laugh.) Well, it didn't. And, yes, I am indeed reaping what I sow. These days, I know better. I know better because now I am a parent and getting what I gave. And I also know that those advice-givers who are NOT parents themselves are only walking in the same shoes that I once walked in.

I just wish that other people out there, people who ARE NOT parents but think it's perfectly fine to give parenting advice, would realize that nothing else in the world besides having your own child will be a sufficient replacement for knowing what it's like to be a parent. Because it isn't. And, you don't.