Family ties across the miles

There are some things that I try to ignore. Some things that I try to overlook or just explain away. Anything to feel offended or hurt or just....forgotten. But I can only do that for so long. That will only work after taking so much.

And after I can't keep doing that anymore, that's when the hurt starts to sink in. That's when I just can't keep my blinders on about it anymore.
I am referring, of course, to the way certain people in my family have been with me for some time. When I first moved to Oregon (I am from California originally), we both shared how much we really missed each other. How hard it was to live so far apart. And the neverending plans for me and my daughter to move back. (This went down when I was going through my divorce.) But we never got to move back. Life changed again. And here I am, still living "so far away" from my sisters, my brothers, my parents, nephews, nieces and in-laws. (Yes, I EVEN miss the in-laws. Ha! My parents-in-law were always very good to me!) I still miss everyone so much and we've all tried to stay connected in some way.

In the beginning, I wrote my mom letters like crazy. My family is not much for letter-writing, though. Mostly, phone-calling. But the phone thing just isn't possible with me. So, we use Internet. At least, some of us. We used AOL to chat and also sent emails back and forth. We used sites like deviantART and, later, MySpace. (My youngest sister talked me into joining up with MySpace. It WASN'T EASY! LOL She had to bug me about it and bug me about it.) I finally joined after friends I knew created accounts and soon used it to network with the family. Soon MySpace became our ONLY WAY to stay connected, especially since I threw in the towel with AOL (and have not looked back) and we weren't really chatting so much anymore.

I guess that is what caused a certain rift to develop as of recently. There are some family members who DO stay in touch with me, but not as many of them as before. And that's the thing that bothers me, you know? That's the thing that hurts.

Of course, I take this rift personally. I get angry about it. I feel like they don't talk to me anymore because I still live "so far away" and they don't see me anymore. I'm not there in person so why bother trying to stay connected with me when I'm there online? I guess for them, it's not the same. But it hurts me very badly, because I love them so much and I miss them, too. I was especially hurt none of my nephews wished me a happy birthday. I guess I'm out of sight and out of mind with them. (And it's not just the birthday thing that really bothers me. It's the fact that I don't hear from them anymore at all!)

I try not to get upset about it. I try to stay focused on just living life and doing what I got to do. But this IS my family and it just really hurts that there's this huge RIFT between us now. Just because I live so far away! It's not fair that I have to live in California for them to even talk to me, but apparently, that's the way it is. Their love is conditional.

I try to take solace in the "family" that I have here, with friends who are like family. But I know that doing so will only strengthen the rift between me and my REAL family.

It sucks.

I guess I should just learn to accept that only SOME PEOPLE in my family are able to stay connected with us across the miles. That they realize family ties CAN exist no matter how far apart people in the family are living. But I just can't keep giving and giving and giving anymore. Not when that giving is met with no giving in return at all.