There have been some bad things I've had to deal with for a while. Marriage-wise, family-wise, writing-wise. I've been trying to put up with them, but it's hard.
I made a decision some time back not to get TOO personal on this blog. After all, it's a PUBLIC blog. Everyone and anyone can see it. And it's hard for me to trust people because too many people have already hurt me. I am not going to make room in my life for anyone else to cause more hurt. So I decided to be discreet with this blog.
And I almost broke that rule. I almost took the one remaining resolution I have yet to figure out and make it something like "bare it ALL on the Palms to Pines blog." I almost did it. I was awake early this morning, mentally writing something that would do it.
But I didn't. I found some other way to get over my anger and frustrations. I found something to help me get over all of it and just forget about it. If only for a little while.
I don't want to use this blog as a place to bitch and moan. I don't want to use this blog as a platform for "pity me parties." I don't want to use this blog for drama or angst. All that stuff is not for public eyes. A lot of that stuff is private and it should stay private.
This doesn't mean I'll censor my blog to only have "happy stories" or things like that. I blog about the stuff I feel comfortable blogging about. I blog about the "eventful" stuff, the insightful stuff. The stuff that highlights my world as a deaf person and a deaf parent. And I'm not giving myself permission to whine or complain about OTHER stuff.
Because that's not up for public scrutiny.
I know there are people who like to pass judgments on me without getting the facts right. I know there are people who like to talk shit about me and come up with all these stories or assumptions that aren't true. People get me wrong ALL the time. It's sad, really. Happens with my own family members. And I have been tempted to show the REAL me to the world through this blog. Since it IS my personal blog. But I just don't want to make it too personal. As I said, I have been hurt too much. I have been manipulated, abused and deceived too much. And I'm not prepared to tear down any walls. I'm just not ready to trust the WHOLE world with the real me.
Not yet, anyway.
For the time being, I will continue to censor my blog posts. I will also censor any comments from people who make personal attacks or who start bickering with others. You may say it's a free country and you can post whatever kind of comment you want. I say it's MY blog and I'll do what I want with it. It's my blog and I'll censor if I want to. (HA!)
If anything, I have to do this to avoid people taking stuff I write on here, twisting it around and trying to get at me with it. Sorry, not opening the door for that to happen again. Not on my blog.
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5 comments:
Well thats understandable. I dont bare all my problems on blogs either. Occasionally on myspace there is a lady there who liked to say stuff that was a little bit hurtful. So, I deleted her. LOL
If they cant be nice, they cant be my friend and thats the end of it. I also have no qualms about blocking people if they are mean. Dawn, its your life and your blogs, you should censor what you want and write what you want and if people dont like it, they dont have to read it!
I tend to be more positive in my journals because I really believe that being positive makes more positive things happen. Every time I vent about something I end up causing it to stay around longer than it needed to. But you know I'm not having a perfect life, and I have had major catastrophic events and I have struggles and sometimes I write about them. And sometimes I feel better, but rest assured its not all rainbows and butterflies over here, no matter how much I will it to be. But in my imagination, it is ALWAYS rainbows and butterflies and that keeps me going.
Have you considered opening another blog under a seperate account, and only telling people about it who you are sure will:
1. Not use it to attack you
2. Not give out your blog addy to others without your permission
I've kind of done that, and am SO glad of it!!! My cousin is constantly wanting to access my blog but she will use ANYTHING she knows about my life to attack me... so she is not allowed to know where my blog is.
Thank you, Nancy and Jana. :)
And you know, Nancy, I have found the opposite to happen. When I vent about things or whine about them in writing, they get resolved. Especially stuff in this blog! Many things have changed after I posted about them. For example, I discussed the marriage problems with my husband. I pretty much let him know I'm tired of sleeping by myself and I've shown my anger over him sleeping on the couch. So we talked about it and it is getting resolved. Still, I know what you mean. Can't give the bad stuff too much energy! That will only make them stronger. I'm glad you are deleting and blocking negative people. They do NOTHING for others, no matter how they perceive what they are doing.
Jana, I have actually thought about that. But you and Nancy are the only ones who comment on THIS blog, as it is! LOL So I don't know if it would do any good. It's something I could consider, though. I'm glad you have a private blog (haven) to just rant and be personal on without fear of negative people trying to hurt you with it. You go, girl! :)
LOL actually that "private" blog is my regular blog... I just don't tell people at my job or in my family about it.
Oh, I didn't know that yours was a private blog! LOL I was wondering about that. Thanks for the clarification. :)
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