I am ME!

I recently posted a response to someone's comment about a poll on dA which I ran. The poll was asking what people would do if their spouse/significant other got all possessive of them. This is what I said:

"The thing a lot of people tend to forget is that the basis of a relationship is about acceptance. When you get into a relationship with someone, you are essentially ACCEPTING them for who they are."

Even though I was talking about romantic relationships/marriage, I kept thinking about how this would apply to friendships, as well. Too often, we end up in a friendship with someone who is VERY unlike us. But in some way, we manage to make the friendship work, because we accept each other as we are. Well, not ALL the time. I know there are the manipulative type of "friendships" out there. And the kind of friendships where everything is so conditional. (Not much of a friendship, if you ask me!)

I know all about the ups and downs of friendships, and the types of friendships that are out there. But what I have to wonder about is why, in an ADULT friendship, ADULT relationship, one person expects the other to change who they are, because they don't like something or another about them. It's like they're trying to change this person into what THEY want them to be like.

And I just really think that that kind of thing is uncool.

I am lucky to have friends who accept me 100% without bugging me about something that I do or without ditching me for little things that I do. (I think the latter aren't much of a "friend" if they do that.) I can understand that we can choose our friends. Believe me, I'm all for it! I'm definitely for that kinda thing, because I know some friendships can be bad for us. They can be unhealthy and we have to just step away from those kinds of things. But the "things" I was doing weren't BAD things. It's not like I was going around spouting hate at others or trying to talk crap about anyone. You know? I wasn't doing anything BAD. I mean, one person I recently got into an argument with had a grievance over the fact that I wear shoes in my house!

You know? I'm talking about LITTLE things.

But, be that as it may, I guess these little things really can bother people so much that it causes them to ditch me or just get all riled up with me about it. How sad that there are people who let LITTLE things, things that aren't even WORTH getting upset over, affect them so much. But, I guess there are people like that. This is not something that would wave a red flag in my friendship with them, though. I pick my battles in life and I'm the same way with my friendships. Should they choose to ditch me or start up an argument about it is their choice, and this I respect. And if they DO ditch me, I will at least now know what kind of "friend" they really are.

That said, it made me think about acceptance among others. I am NOT going to change who I am just because a "friend" of mine has a grievance with it. If I want to wear shoes while I'm in my own home, I'm going to do it. If I like to participate in a FUN activity with family members online, I'm going to do it! They don't HAVE to let these things ruin their lives, or anything. They can just....move on. If we are friends, we have our OWN little things going on. You know? The fact that they have a problem with it is NOT going to make me stop and get all worrisome about it. I'm not going to be like, "Oh, gee, maybe I shouldn't do this because it will make him/her upset." That's the kind of thinking I had to deal with EVERY DAY for a loooong time in my first marriage. When I was going through the emotional abuse. Dealing with a control freak who tried to change me into somebody else. Nowadays, I don't do that anymore. I don't walk on eggshells anymore or censor what I am going to say anymore.

If it was something unhealthy, I wouldn't have a problem with it. If they were bugging me about something unhealthy or dangerous I was doing, then I would allow for that kinda thing. I would KNOW these things are unhealthy or dangerous and while I may be defensive or even ignorant of what they have to say, deep down I'd feel appreciation for my friend for saying something about it. You know? Because I would understand their motives, which are POSITIVE motives. But when it comes to something that changes who I am or something fun I like to do...well, that's when I question their motives. That's when I will question the friendship, too. And wonder if those motives are more NEGATIVE than they are personal.

I am me and I'm going to STAY me no matter what these "friends" of mine have to say. If they don't like it, that is THEIR problem but not mine. I broke free of the whole "maybe I shouldn't because of someone else" fears I used to live with. I don't have those fears anymore, and I will NOT have them again in my friendships -- with ANYONE.