Monday, April 18, 2011

I surrender

This is an update post from my last one. We are still trying to get the money together so we can travel to see my mother. I hope...really hope that can happen.

She is not doing well today. It has just been one thing after another after another. First it was her stomach, then her leg, her kidneys and her heart....

She is not expected to live much longer. The doctor has given her 48-72 hours left to live.

I am struggling to keep myself together. It's getting harder and harder for me to focus on everything else besides this. As a wife and mother, I am acting on autopilot, but on the inside, I am extremely fragile right now. I am trying to fight back the tears. I will NOT shed a tear while there is still hope!

But I am scared to death. I don't want to lose my mother.

But at the same time....I accept God's will. She is literally in God's hands now. If He decides it is time to call her home, I accept this.

Yes, it's unfair because I haven't seen her for so long. And she has yet to meet her 3-year-old grandson.

Yes, it makes me angry she is being taken away from everyone like this.

But I am surrendering it to God. I surrender my mother's fate to God.

At least, if she goes, she will finally be without pain and can have peace.

I want God to heal her. But I accept what He decides. As painful as it is if she goes.

Still praying for her. Every minute of the day.

We had one miracle, that her cancer was taken away. I am praying for a second miracle, that she will live.

But I accept whatever God decides.

If you could do one thing for me, one thing for her, please pray for my mother. Please.

UPDATE: We have the funds for travel. Thank God! We are making arrangements to travel out to be with my mother. I pray we will get there in time to say goodbye....if we have to say goodbye.

No comments: