My "woe is me!" post

Last night, I took on a challenge: Try to cook a steak. In my past attempts of trying to cook a steak, both by pan and by oven, it either came out too dry or too tough. Or both. For some reason, I am trying to overcome my culinary challenges, and trying to cook a juicy, chewy steak came upon me. And when I saw chuck steaks on sale, I decided to go for it!

I researched several food and recipe sites and message boards, hoping to pick up tips on how to cook a steak without it being too dry or too tough. I was chatting with my publisher and she offered some pointers on how to cook a chuck steak. So I set about following her directions, but with a little improvising. I browned them before I put them in the oven, cooking them on low heat just as I read to do. I added some water to the cream of mushroom soup mixture she suggested I pour over the steaks. And because we were out of garlic powder and onion soup mix, I used Mrs. Dash, thyme, garlic salt, regular salt, and pepper. I threw all that in the oven with a cover over the pan. It looked weird while it cooked but it ended up being very tasty. The steaks came out not dry at all and not tough, either. Hooray!

Next, I tried to make a homemade stew, using the leftover steak. I chopped the steak into tiny, bite-size pieces. I found a recipe for a crockpot beef stew on the 'Net, and thought it would be suitable. As long as I took out the onions, because I know Jennifer would freak over the onions.

As good as the stew smelled as it cooked for 5 hours, it was not as tasty as I had hoped. The soup itself was too thin and with no flavor. The vegetables and meat were just right, of course. Still, I thought it could've been better. Oh, well. Maybe I'll find a better beef stew recipe somewhere. At least I tried! It was still edible.

Anyway, Jennifer has her first game tomorrow. At least, I think she does! The schedule says "Sunday" but the coach said it's actually on Saturday. She was supposed to e-mail me the info yesterday, but so far, I'm not hearing from her! It's making me angry. I guess it's easy to forget about people who can't call you on the dang phone.

We won't be visiting my mom this summer. I'm really upset about this, given how sick she is and how close we all came to losing her recently. We just don't have the money. Hubby had been telling me he was saving for the trip, but now he's telling me he's broke. Excuse me! Well, I guess I can't depend on him for things like that. It's up to me to make the trip happen. Though I don't know how in the world I'll do it since I have no education and no job and most of my monthly account has been used for food, kids' stuff and rent.

I'll never forgive myself, or him, if my mom leaves us before I can see her again.... You don't know how painful it is to be separated from my mother for so long. My mom and I are so close. Nobody understands that.

We survived that car accident together. I have always felt that, in some way, this strengthened the bond, the connection, that I have with my mother.

Well, I am trying to stay positive. I've been praying an awful lot lately. I am also depressed about putting on some weight, and how I have turned to food as a coping mechanism, and I am trying to stop that, too. I am also upset because the romance in my marriage is DEAD and my hubby treats me more like his mother than his wife. Which I hate. I hate being the "mother" and not the "wife" to him.

I am trying to hang in there. I am throwing myself into my writing work -- and I do have A WHOLE FREAKING LOT of writing work to do!!!--but I know that will only last for so long.

I am also reading a lot, too. Just, anything I can get my hands on, really.

I am also sad because I miss my friends. I wish I could see them and give them big hugs. The "no friends to hang out with" thing is aggravating.

Still, I press on.

And I just needed to get ALL of that out. Thank you, I feel better now.