Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The argument

I knew it. I knew it for some time now, but I never said anything about it. I just kept this knowledge to myself and did NOTHING to remedy the situation.

Because I was a little too busy indulging in it.

Today, hubby got upset about something. He started to complain about how all I ever do...is write!

I asked, "Well, what do you WANT me to do? Bag groceries?"

For some reason, I thought this was another episode of the "why haven't you started making millions of dollars with your writing yet?" argument.

But, actually, it was the "all you ever do is write, write, write!" argument.

Yes. I know. I DO write a lot. Whenever I have a free moment, I am working on my books. Or, as in the occasional instance, going through my work for something to send to a contest or anthology. But if not, then it's the books I am busy working on.

And I actually have a very good reason for working on the books. One that I told my husband: "Well, I DO have a deadline." (A deadline that I have NO intention of missing, by the way! I can't mess this up!)

His response? "Why do you even have a deadline?"

"Because I have a contract."

"Well, why do you even have a contract?"

This got me confused. First he was complaining that I spend so much time writing, then he wants to know why I even have a contract to write a book? Huh?

So I started thinking, maybe this is the whole "this writing thing is a waste of time" argument and started getting angry. The whole 10+ years he has known me, he KNEW I am a writer! I have been writing for MANY, MANY years and I have no intention of stopping that, either. I LIKE writing books! Hell, I am lucky to have book contracts!

So I started feeling a little defensive. Ready to give him that whole, "I am writer, hear me roar!" lecture. I just looked straight at him and said, "I am a writer and I'm not going to stop being a writer. And I LIKE writing books." I kinda left out the "so deal with it!" part I wanted to add. (Yep, I was feeling pretty angry.)

Then he said that's not the point he was trying to make. He was just saying that every free minute I have goes to the writing. He said, "You need to get a hobby."

"I don't want a hobby," I said. I guess he doesn't think that my fascination with the paranormal is something that I DO consider to be a hobby.

I was also thinking, I don't even have TIME for a hobby! It's not like I have a HUGE amount of free time, as it is! During the day, I am also caring for the children, cooking the meals, running errands, and cleaning the house. Heck, if he was in my shoes, having a hobby would be the last thing on his mind! (And just to note, he spends a lot of time on the couch, watching TV and movies.)

What little free time I DO have goes to the writing. And I'm okay with that. It's comforting, actually. I don't really have a social life. I have friends, but not the kind who visit me every day or show up at my house unannounced. I am not taking a class, being a member of a club or teaching anybody anything. You know? I really don't have much else going on for me EXCEPT the writing.

And I have been fine with that. I am stressed out as it is about meeting my deadlines and getting my books done. (I'm working on two at a time.) I REALLY don't have much time for anything else. Heck, this is why I'm not even signed up with Twitter. I just don't have the time.

And I keep telling myself, next year will be better. I have made a promise to myself for 2010: Only ONE BOOK at a time. Not two or three. JUST. ONE. I have to make sure I keep that promise, too.

I have thought of taking a class. A cooking class. I have thought of volunteering at an animal shelter or soup kitchen. I have thought of joining a gym and working out. But right now, I'm just so fixated on the writing. And he's acting like that's a bad thing.

Still, I have agreed to at least look into something to get involved in. I thought on it, and I can't bear the idea of being away from my children for too long. (Which is why, if I took a job, it would HAVE to be at home.) I need to be around AT LEAST one of them! So I talked with Jennifer and decided I will look into a "Mommy and me" class. Yoga, swimming, cooking. Something that we can do together. It won't take up too much time in one day. And I'll be able to fit it in. And it will be something new for Jen to be a part of now that T-ball is over with. So I will do that and see where we go from there.

But as for the writing...I'm not giving it up. Something tells me I'll even be writing when I'm dead! (I do believe that, after I die, I'll pull a Hemingway and be busy writing stuff as a ghost.)


Anonymous said...

another husband saying the wrong thing! Well they all do it at times you know. A hobby? I'm sure.

My hubby complains that I dont like skiing or snowboarding and that I have no interest in getting a jet ski. So freaking what! Why must I like these things? He ought to be happy that I am happy with just my own brain to entertain myself! Ha ha

Dawn Colclasure said...

Thanks, Nancy. I know what you mean. I think it's important for people married to each other to have their own interests in addition to the interests they share. But I agree with you completely: It's not like we're up to no good and they should be THANKFUL for that! You know? I'm not sitting on the couch watching TV all day or cheating on him with other guys. Why can't he be happy that I'm doing something that makes me happy? It's not like the children are being neglected and I'm serving a can of beans for all the meals. Sheesh. As it is, we are once again having the whole "wearing shoes in the house" debate. Why can't he accept me completely?

Anyway, maybe the yoga class will still be good for both me and Jennifer. I heard yoga is supposed to be REALLY good for your back. And that's what I need relief with. If anything, it will strengthen the mommy-daughter bond. :)

Anonymous said...

yoga is awesome and to be able to do it with your daughter, more awesomeness! (Thats not really a word but everyone says it, ha ha)
What is the shoes in the house debate?

Dawn Colclasure said...

"Awesomeness" is definitely a cool word to say! Yay! :)

I told you about this thing months ago. I guess this is an issue that WON'T go away! Apparently, hubby doesn't want anybody wearing their shoes in the house. I PREFER to wear my shoes. I'm the kind of person who likes to be READY for action! To be READY to jump up and head out the door! I tried not wearing shoes in the house for a couple of days. I hated it. I hated having to STOP.......to put on my shoes or slippers. Hated how after I put my shoes on when I was by the door, I had to walk on the carpet again to get something or other I FORGOT to get on my way to the door and had to take shoes off AGAIN. And I don't like my feet getting dirty unless I WANT them to get dirty. Don't like my socks getting wet, either. I just prefer to wear shoes, outdoors AND indoors. You know? I feel HUMAN wearing shoes! So that's what we have been bickering over lately. If I'm wearing my shoes, he's all moody. When I'm not, he's all NICE and everything. It's irritating. It's not like I wear them 24 hours a day....

OK, getting off my soapbox now. LOL :)

Anonymous said...

LOL, ok now I remember. Well its not like you stomp in mud in your work boots and then go in and out of the house. Well you must not wear flip flops or slip on shoes of any kind? Most of my shoes are slip ons of some kind and I prefer barefoot to shoed feet. And I have to say we never have a prob because everyone in the family prefers shoelessness. But I could see how this could be an issue if one person in the family did object. I think if you have a dog and it goes in the backyard, again a reason to take off shoes at the backdoor (I have had the instance of someone tracking dog poo in the house and then having to clean all the carpets, ugh, not fun)
I wonder, what is behind your hubby's objection? Do you guys have really light colored carpet or something like that? Wow this is not something to argue about, seems like some compromise could be made. I'd just tell him, "there are serious things in the world man! Shoes in the house is not one of them!" Good luck with this!

Dawn Colclasure said...

Agreed. We DO have a light-colored carpet but, as you say, it's not like I'm stomping around in the mud outside then tracking it all in. I wear athletic tennies because I have sensitive feet. I can't wear flip-flops. I have to wear shoes that REALLY support my feet very good, so I have been wearing athletic shoes because they offer the best support. Right now, my shoes are Nike running shoes. He's not really willing to compromise. If I could find good slip-on shoes that offer good support, then I'd wear 'em. But I'd probably end up wearing them EVERYWHERE because, like I said, I hate STOPPING on my way out the door or something to put on outdoor shoes.

Anonymous said...

well in that case you need to wear your shoes or you could ruin your feet. However you could find slip on athletic type shoes, they do exist for moms on the run!!! I have owned many pairs. However this doesnt solve the issue of you at home, with no shoes on and your feet not feeling good without shoes. I guess a more complicated arrangement could be that you wear a certain pair only indoors and a certain pair out on the town. But that might be too complicated for someone with a baby to watch, seriously, I just feel like this is such a non issue that he is reaching for something to be argumentative about. Maybe HE needs YOGA!!!!!! (What is HIS hobby?)