Friday, June 05, 2009

My "woe is me!" post

Last night, I took on a challenge: Try to cook a steak. In my past attempts of trying to cook a steak, both by pan and by oven, it either came out too dry or too tough. Or both. For some reason, I am trying to overcome my culinary challenges, and trying to cook a juicy, chewy steak came upon me. And when I saw chuck steaks on sale, I decided to go for it!

I researched several food and recipe sites and message boards, hoping to pick up tips on how to cook a steak without it being too dry or too tough. I was chatting with my publisher and she offered some pointers on how to cook a chuck steak. So I set about following her directions, but with a little improvising. I browned them before I put them in the oven, cooking them on low heat just as I read to do. I added some water to the cream of mushroom soup mixture she suggested I pour over the steaks. And because we were out of garlic powder and onion soup mix, I used Mrs. Dash, thyme, garlic salt, regular salt, and pepper. I threw all that in the oven with a cover over the pan. It looked weird while it cooked but it ended up being very tasty. The steaks came out not dry at all and not tough, either. Hooray!

Next, I tried to make a homemade stew, using the leftover steak. I chopped the steak into tiny, bite-size pieces. I found a recipe for a crockpot beef stew on the 'Net, and thought it would be suitable. As long as I took out the onions, because I know Jennifer would freak over the onions.

As good as the stew smelled as it cooked for 5 hours, it was not as tasty as I had hoped. The soup itself was too thin and with no flavor. The vegetables and meat were just right, of course. Still, I thought it could've been better. Oh, well. Maybe I'll find a better beef stew recipe somewhere. At least I tried! It was still edible.

Anyway, Jennifer has her first game tomorrow. At least, I think she does! The schedule says "Sunday" but the coach said it's actually on Saturday. She was supposed to e-mail me the info yesterday, but so far, I'm not hearing from her! It's making me angry. I guess it's easy to forget about people who can't call you on the dang phone.

We won't be visiting my mom this summer. I'm really upset about this, given how sick she is and how close we all came to losing her recently. We just don't have the money. Hubby had been telling me he was saving for the trip, but now he's telling me he's broke. Excuse me! Well, I guess I can't depend on him for things like that. It's up to me to make the trip happen. Though I don't know how in the world I'll do it since I have no education and no job and most of my monthly account has been used for food, kids' stuff and rent.

I'll never forgive myself, or him, if my mom leaves us before I can see her again.... You don't know how painful it is to be separated from my mother for so long. My mom and I are so close. Nobody understands that.

We survived that car accident together. I have always felt that, in some way, this strengthened the bond, the connection, that I have with my mother.

Well, I am trying to stay positive. I've been praying an awful lot lately. I am also depressed about putting on some weight, and how I have turned to food as a coping mechanism, and I am trying to stop that, too. I am also upset because the romance in my marriage is DEAD and my hubby treats me more like his mother than his wife. Which I hate. I hate being the "mother" and not the "wife" to him.

I am trying to hang in there. I am throwing myself into my writing work -- and I do have A WHOLE FREAKING LOT of writing work to do!!!--but I know that will only last for so long.

I am also reading a lot, too. Just, anything I can get my hands on, really.

I am also sad because I miss my friends. I wish I could see them and give them big hugs. The "no friends to hang out with" thing is aggravating.

Still, I press on.

And I just needed to get ALL of that out. Thank you, I feel better now.


April said...

Dawn, yay for the steaks! That's awesome!

I think you should make it a serious goal to save and visit your mom. Just decide to save a certain % of what you make each month and save it for the trip. You CAN do it! :) Just do your best. Maybe you can get a deal on airfare somewhere :)

I can also relate to being the "mother." Ick! I hate it! And I'm just not doing it anymore, b/c I don't even have kids yet and soon I'm not going to want them if this keeps up.

Jana B said...

My thoughts, for what they are worth... finish your education! With all of Obama's goals for helping make college affordable, and colleges competing to get students, now is a GREAT time to do college. ESPECIALLY with the availability of online courses! (Just don't do the Phoenix University thing... most other colleges won't accept their credits, from what I hear.)

Otherwise... I dont' have wise words, I'd just like to give you a HUGE hug. *huge hug* I hate it that you can't go visit your mom...

Dawn Colclasure said...

April: Thank you. That's a good idea. :) I'm a little buried with book projects right now, though...and not able to do much freelancing. In fact, I won't be "free" to freelance until the end of the year! That's how many books I have going on right now. But I'll try doing that with my income. Yeah, it's no fun at all being the "mother" in a relationship. I have started to put my foot down about how I will NOT be that role in little ways here and there. But if that doesn't work, then I'll have to put my foot down about it in a BIG way! I refuse to play that role to my husband in a marriage. I can understand why he acts this way, but it just won't make our marriage right. I hope that that will stop happening in your own relationship. Please let me know how it works out.

Jana: Thank you. :) **hugs back** I've been doing research on online universities. Unfortunately, a lot of them are scams. :( I would LOVE to finish college. It's always been a goal of mine. I checked with my local college and they don't provide childcare for toddlers under 2. So I can either wait until my son is 2 or see what else can be arranged. I'd love to do the online course thing. Maybe the colleges here will offer that. I know a college degree is important. I hope things are coming along well with you in getting yours. :)