Swallowing my pride

For some time, I have not been wearing a hearing aid. The main reason why is because it's hard to find a hearing aid that doesn't hurt my ear. (I can only wear one.) The last hearing aid I wore caused some kind of skin irritation to develop in my inner ear. It hurt like something awful. So I stopped wearing the aid and just lived "completely deaf." This is something I started to take pride in. I was doing JUST FINE as a completely deaf person, completely deaf parent. Despite the fact that my hearing friends had to write stuff down and despite the fact that my daughter and I had to work around her impatience in trying to communicate with me. For the most part, I was getting along. I was doing it!

But now...there's not too much left for me to take pride in. Now I realize that it's the better thing for me to do in getting a hearing aid. I just think it's the better way to go. Mostly for my daughter's benefit.

So I'm going to swallow my pride and get a hearing aid. There are some people in the deaf community who frown on deafies wearing a hearing aid. But not me. I'm going to wear one.

Hopefully, I'll be able to find one that doesn't hurt my ear.

I'm not upset about this decisaion. Actually, I'm curious about what changes it would bring. When I WAS wearing a hearing aid, life was different than the way it is now. I could enjoy "listening" to songs I heard before I lost my hearing -- but, that was when I had MORE hearing. I lost more hearing after first becoming deaf, then I couldn't enjoy music anymore. But maybe I'll find a hearing aid strong enough to help me fit that in. And maybe I'll be able to talk on the phone again. Maybe I'll FINALLY be able to get an idea of what some peoples' voices sound like. Attend a class without an interpreter. Maybe understand the minister the next time I attend church services??

Those thoughts are making me feel better about my decision. I would LOVE to have all that in my life! It would be WONDERFUL!

The icing on the cake: "hearing" my kids' voices. Now that would truly make my life perfect.

So it's not so terrible that I'm going to get a hearing aid. Some deafies may see it this way, but I don't see it that way. Actually, I'm feeling quite hopeful.

Deep in my heart, I DO want to hear again. I wish so badly that I could hear again. I could only pray for such a miracle.... A hearing aid won't help me to hear again, but at least it will get me as close to that as I can get.