Last night, we went to a baby shower the women at my church threw for Jesse. Since baby showers are traditionally held before the birth of a baby, I pretty much looked at it as a sort of "welcome to the world" party for my 4 1/2-month-old son. I honestly hadn't expected something like this for him. I don't have a lot of girlfriends here in Eugene, my family lives so far away, and I guess a good friend of mine who kept telling me how he wanted to be the baby's godfather was too upset over not being notified of the baby's birth and decided against having a party for him, after all. (In our defense, this friend's phone was disconnected, his Internet had been disconnected and we didn't have his cell phone number.) So, I wasn't really expecting anything to celebrate the baby's arrival, so it was really nice how the ladies at the church wanted to do a little something-something.
But there was a little "something-something" extra which put a really bad taste in my mouth.
Everybody knew that I'm deaf. In fact, a lady there who knows sign language helped out on some of the communicating and another lady sat next to me with her laptop opened and typed out what people were saying. This was all going really well and I was enjoying the evening, thinking of how GREAT it was to get out and spend time with a group of friendly, understanding women to talk about any old thing. (The favorite topic: How hard it was to lose weight and find clothes that fit right. And we were all eating chocolate cake! Go figure.) At one point, towards the time I left, a group of them were in the center of the living room, joking and laughing. I know they were joking because one of them told me as much on the laptop. I sat there, in a good mood, smiling and just watching them have their fun. Then one of them noticed me smiling and, indicating me, said something along the lines of "she's sitting there smiling and she doesn't know what we're saying."
Ah, yeah. That's pretty much where my good mood deep-sixed. That was a REALLY uncool thing to say. I may not have understood their jokes but I DEFINITELY understood that! (Mainly because she was facing my direction when she said it.)
I'm sure she wasn't trying to be mean. I'm sure she was just coming off the joking-spree they were all on. But I really think it was rude to say something like that. I didn't respond to it, though. I just looked at other things, inwardly stewing over that. I was tempted to say "I'm smiling because I'm happy," but I didn't.
My husband, who is also deaf, was also angry to hear about this. He says I should've said something. I don't know. Maybe I should have. Or maybe I should have just sat there making faces at everybody instead! *rolls eyes*
I was smiling because I was happy. I was smiling because I was in a good mood. I was smiling because it had been such a pleasant evening and I was grateful for the beautiful gifts and the whole thing itself. I wasn't smiling to bluff my way through their fun! I was not a part of it, so why even try to be?
I am thinking of e-mailing the hostess about this and conveying how that woman's remark hurt my feelings. I don't have the woman's e-mail address, so I can't e-mail her directly. I don't usually see her at the church so I can only think this is one way to say something about it. It's not too late for me to say something! But one thing is clear: I'm certainly not smiling anymore.
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Creating Scenes
3 weeks ago
7 comments:
OMW... that was so rude of the lady... and sounds so humiliating. :o(
I'm glad though, that the ladies did throw the shower for you, and even type up what they were saying on the laptop... it's a shame someone's rudeness ruined the fun.
In other news, I'm back to reading your blog... sorry for not visiting in so long! :)
I was wondering where you dropped off to. :) Welcome back! It's nice to hear from you again. I hope all is well. Yeah, what she said did make me feel pretty bad.
Aww well I am glad that they did that. Some people are really stupid and they don't REALIZE that deaf people have a cool talent of lip reading. Just let it be and realize that's she's retarded and probably had to say something* negative because she's just that kind of person, and you shouldn't have let something that small ruin your time at ALL! Anyway don't be mellow dramatic with the whole "I'm certainly not smiling anymore" come on, thats retarded, I don't know you to stoop down to that level because maybe she intentionally wanted to hurt your feelings and now you're only letting her win.
I REALLY don't think she was intentionally hurting my feelings with that comment. I'd spoken with her the whole evening and knew her to be a warm, wonderful person. I really don't know what compelled her to say something like that. Perhaps she didn't realize a comment such as this would be hurtful to a deaf person or perhaps she thought I would not lipread her.
And just an FYI: I was NOT being "mellow dramatic" (which you spelled incorrectly, btw). I was being angry. Which is how the whole thing made me feel.
It didn't ruin my whole evening. You shouldn't jump to conclusions like that. I DID enjoy my evening and I was grateful they had done this for us. But that little comment just put a dent into things.
Oh well you made it SOUND like it ruined your time. The end thing seemed dramatic to me in my* personal opinion, I mean if you re-read it then it sounds a little overly angry. You make it build up like this huge dark cloud came over your head and then rained all over your parade and then you decided that you're not going to be "smiling anymore" if that was sarcastic I didn't see it. I am glad to know the woman didn't intentionally try and do anything, that's good.
Dawn it makes me so mad that that woman said that, the polite thing for them to do would be to let you in on what they were all laughing about. I have had something like this happen to me. YOu know I dont look mexican, but I speak spanish. I have been in line with my kids at the store and had my youngest asking for candy and I told her no and she asked again and then gave up and then I heard a spanish speaking man say "Stupid white woman, buy the kid some candy so we dont have to listen to her whine." I was SOOOOO MAD, I wanted to turn around and say "I understood what you said, mind your own business LOSER!" but I didnt, and I left there feeling like I should have said somehting but then again, should I have? What other people think of me is none of my business anyway, so its probably better I didnt say anything. But still, its infuriating!!!
I read some of your other comments....why do people (I will not name names here) think that commenting a blog is the place to criticize the blogger??? Sheez.
Wow it's so funny for people to get into other's business while they are commenting to the blogger. Ahem, anyway. Blogs are posted and allow comments so that the blogger may gain thoughts from others, no one should post anything and allow comments if they aren't able to hear negative feedback as well as positive.
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