When the ball drops

When you commit yourself to someone, there is supposed to be complete trust. There is supposed to be complete acceptance, complete support and complete honesty. No secrets. No skeletions in the closet. No fears.

That is, at least, what I learned from my first marriage. I only learned these lessons AFTER I divorced, because before I married, I was SO independent and SO bent on taking care of MYSELF and looking out for MYSELF that I never really REALLY committed myself to my spouse 100%. Or even 200%. Now, that's not the way it is. This time around, I am totally in that frame of mind. There is no more "you and me" but "us." It's "we" now. Everything, EVERYTHING is "we" and "ours."

But sometimes you have to wonder...just how far someone in that equation will surrender themselves to the other. Just how much trust is there? Just how much selfless support and understanding will there be...when one of the two screws up? Will the other suddenly call it quits or cut back on just how much they will give?

That is something I keep thinking about. I mean, human beings are NOT perfect. We're not. And I think...well, and this is just MY opinion, you know, but I think that even if a spouse screws up, small or large, the other spouse shouldn't turn away. I mean, part of the vows is "for better or worse." Marriage isn't all about happiness and perfection. It's about sharing life together, flaws and all.

I know I am not perfect. Sometimes, I screw up. I make mistakes. I get careless. I tend to be forgetful. And I would only hope the man I am married to is still by my side despite all of this. I mean, a wife shouldn't even have to ask for that kind of support, right? It should be there, no matter what. I mean, if I screw up big time, I'm hoping my husband will still be in my corner rather than backing off and throwing up walls. Because that's not what marriage is about.

Marriage is about being there for someone, even if all hell breaks loose and even if they make mistakes. If those mistakes are learned from and the offending party takes steps to ensure it won't happen again, if they apologize, then they deserve another chance, don't they? It's not fair to make threats or throw up walls the first time someone screws up. I mean, words can be taken back, but once those words are said, the hurt and confusion and fear don't just go away.

Who will be left standing in a marriage when the ball drops? Who is really supporting whom through better or worse? I used to think the husband would still support and help his wife even after she screws up. Same thing for the wife if her husband screws up. Now I'm not so sure.