Sunday, January 06, 2013

Decision day

Leave it to a day’s worth of plans being spoiled to rekindle that fire of determination. I believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe my plans to take the kids to church then to the library were ruined by my upset stomach for a reason. Because while on one hand I was disappointed we couldn’t go out today, I was, on the other, thinking about how to at least get SOMETHING right out of my day. (And not just an email from one pf my publishers that practically had me dancing with glee – well, as best as I could on account of my stomach.)

First of all, I have decided that I’m not going to stress out over the failed job hunt anymore. I’m not going to let it upset me. There’s no reason to; I am TRYING to get a job and that is the best that I can do. Everything else is out of my control and in God’s hands. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason why I haven’t been able to get a new job. Like maybe there’s something else coming my way. In any event, I figure, whatever will be will be. I’m still gonna press on and do the things I have planned to do in the new year – like volunteer and join a writer’s group and try out some new things. Just get out and do SOMETHING even if it’s not work. At least it’s something. I will keep trying to get a job and I suppose that will happen in its own time.

Second, I have decided I’m going to proceed with my “reading goal” for the year after all. Before the end of the year, I resolved to read 100 books in a year. I thought that was a big deal. Turns out it’s not so much of a big deal; I read about this lady who read 101 books in a year! So I figured that since someone else already did that, why do it, too? But today, I decided I WILL do that. Because I HAVEN’T done that. I haven’t read 100 books in one year! So I’ll go through with it. So far I have read two books this year. I have 51 weeks left to read 98 more books!

I made the third decision after watching a movie with Jennifer today. We were watching The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, and that was a hard movie to watch because it made me sad about how I can’t go back and change some things in the past. Of course, I have had those “if only” moments. But the truth is, I can’t change the past. I can’t. As much as it hurts, as much as my heart aches, things I want to change in the past just won’t change at all. Ever. And I have to accept that. I HAVE been bitter about it from time to time but I decided today that I think it is time to give that bitterness a rest. To heal my heart. It’s time to stop being angry and sad and remorseful. Just keep moving forward even if it is hard to do so. I will love those who have hurt me and forgive those who have been cruel. I know that only God can judge and that He will set things right and as they should be. I also know karma will have its way, as it has. So there’s no point in being angry or sad or bitter. Just be loving, forgiving and accepting.

The fourth decision came after I read that book, One Crazy Summer. The character, Delphine, is only 11 years old and yet she can cook, clean, and act very responsibly with her sisters. That made me think of my own daughter, who is 11. I started doing chores when I was 11, so I figured I'd give my own daughter a break and give her small jobs to do. Like clean her room or dust. But now I think maybe it is time she learned how to do other things – like cook a simple meal or wash a load of clothes. It wouldn’t kill her to learn these things. She needs to know how to take care of herself AND her brother if it was just the two of them. So I decided I will make sure she knows how to do that. Maybe I have been too easy on her for too long. Hah!

And of course, there is a fifth thing I decided on today: Blog more often. The only thing that stays the same is that this will NOT be a “thought blog.” I’m not using it to share my thoughts or as a platform for some column or another. Just blog about any old thing that happened during many day, even the small things. I think it’s time I started keeping up with the blogging a little more often.

I am surprised I decided on so many things today. But maybe it is a good thing I did. Maybe these decisions will help make other things happen, too.  

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