Monday, July 13, 2009
The third opinion
Today we went to see an eye specialist for a consultation for Jesse. He has had two eye doctors recommend he have corrective surgery on his eye. I have been very nervous about this and praying very hard that his left eye, which is a lazy eye, will get better. So far, we have tried using an eye patch to get his eye better but it hasn't gotten better. So I pretty much relied on prayer for his eye to get better. And feeding him lots of carrots! I've been praying like crazy for him, but to no avail.
The eye specialist definitely recommends that Jesse have the corrective surgery. I asked if there is any alternative and I had to think on this. I was asking the THIRD doctor who recommended surgery if there's an alternative! I think that, by now, if there WAS an alternative to surgery, they would have mentioned it. The paper they gave to me that had an FAQ about the surgery said they would recommend an alternative treatment if surgery could be avoided. We did try using the patch longer but it did not work.
Noticing my discomfort and answering my husband's questions about the procedure, the specialist assured us that she does 50 operations like this a year. She has never had a patient die or lose their sight or have any other problems because of the surgery and/or anesthesia.
Still, I am stressed out and disappointed. Jesse is only 20 months old. In fact, he is the same age I was when I was in the car accident and knocked into a coma. It's like...history repeating itself. (His birth date is on a 25th day, just like mine. And my birth month is "5" where his is "10." Yep, he's definitely a mama's boy. Woot!) This is hard for me to deal with because he's just a baby. I am trying to be strong, though, and hang in there. I still have my faith. Even though my prayers were not answered, I still have my faith. I know that things happen for a reason. There are only so many prayers that can be answered. And no matter how much we pray for something, it still will go the way it is meant to go. What must be will be. And apparently, Jesse MUST have this corrective surgery done. There is no way around it.
I have to think about how different it is from Jennifer, though. Jennifer also had a lazy eye at birth, and we also used the patch and, later, corrective lenses to help her. They DID help her. They did get her eye better. It's not 100% perfect, but her eye doctor said that her progress ever since is satisfactory. (Granted, she has a different eye doctor now, but I would think he would base his opinion on how her eyes are working at present and not compare this to how they worked before.)
It's just, it was something that could be fixed with Jennifer, but not so with Jesse.
And another thing: When I was filling out the paperwork for the specialist, they asked for the names of ALL doctors who have treated the patient and I had to marvel over the many names of doctors who have seen Jesse ever since he was born. Believe me, there were quite a few! One doctor seeing him for this, another doctor seeing him for that. It was not this way with Jennifer. Jennifer was VERY healthy and, despite a scare during my pregnancy with her, she has been without so many problems. The sickest she ever got was with a flu. She never had measles, an ear infection, croup, or anything.
And with Jesse...well, that's another story!
I look at this experience and I try to draw from it a better understanding of what may lie ahead. Things are so different with Jesse. What else lies down the road? And do I even want to know?
Nevertheless, I will keep praying for him. I will pray that the surgery will go well and that he will have a smooth recovery. I hate the thought of my little baby being poked with needles and having an invasive procedure being done on him. And I can't be with him when they do that!! But I will keep the faith and try to be strong. I guess I should pray for myself, too. To be strong.
One of my sisters has a child who had eye surgery. I am hoping I will be able to talk with her soon and see how it went for her and her child. What to expect and what it was like. Hopefully, she will have some advice or suggestions for me. And I think talking with her might ease some of the stress, too.