Saturday, August 02, 2008


If you have tried to communicate with me lately and I have not been all that nice or anything, it's because I've been really moody lately. I am trying to distance myself from family and friends because of it. It's just really bad, you know? And I don't like the person I am when the bad mood strikes. So I'd rather keep my distance. I don't want to hurt anyone.

One other thing I've been dealing with is pain. Because of a certain medical thing I am going through, I have been having bad, physical pain on a daily basis. My doctor hasn't figured out what it is yet. I am going in for more testing on August 13th. She has an idea of what it COULD be, but not saying anything for sure until we take this other exam I have to have done. Meanwhile, it's causing a lot of pain, which I have been taking Tylenol for. (There is NO WAY I will take anything stronger than that. That stuff makes me sick.)

Anyway, dealing with that has only contributed to my bad moods. It's been going on for some time. Thankfully, it hasn't gotten worse, but the fact that it is ongoing is really irritating.

Part of me wishes I could reach out to my friends. Part of me needs to talk about this (WITHOUT being called a "drama queen"). But I don't feel in a position that I can do so. The bad mood strikes anytime and just so easily. Anything can set me off. I'm afraid I'll hurt my friends' feelings. So, I don't talk about it. Maybe it's better that way. (I know I've got tough friends but I also know if the bad mood strikes and I say something really mean, it could have some serious problems with my friends later on.)

I'll just deal with it. Hopefully, we will know more soon and the pain will pass. I hope the moodiness will pass, too.

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