Let go and let God

I have known of the saying "Let go and let God" but I never really understood it before. I kept thinking, 'Let God what??'

Yesterday, I found my answer.

We didn't go to church yesterday. I was almost done with a project and I wanted to get it all wrapped up so that I could send it out today. I did finish the project (formatting a manuscript), but my joy was bittersweet.

In fact, I felt more guilt-ridden than I did happy.

Why feel so upset just because I missed church? I've missed church before, when Jennifer was too sick to go or the weather was too bad for me to drive in, so why get upset now? It's not like anybody would notice we weren't there! But I knew why. I was upset because I needed God. I was so ravaged by guilt because, on the day before, I had set a bad example for my daughter. I had just blindly looked the other way when she had done something wrong. Something that she shouldn't have. To be honest, I was feeling too sick to really pay attention to what was going on. My silence was telling her that it was okay to do that bad thing. I should've snapped out of my queasiness, should've stopped being so rushed to get home, and put my foot down about it. She KNEW it was a bad thing, but she didn't say anything about it. If I had corrected the situation, I would be telling her that what she was doing was wrong. But I didn't and I felt terrible about it. I'd made a big mistake as a parent and I was just really beating myself up over it. I'd prayed to God for forgiveness that night, but I still felt bad. I still needed something to help me understand that it was in God's hands now. I shouldn't worry about it anymore.

Later that day, I was trying to read a book but I still felt miserable about what I'd done. So I put down the book and just started praying right there on the couch. I didn't go to some private room. I didn't get on my knees or make the sign of the cross. All I did was put my hands together and pray. My heart was feeling so heavy and burdened and I just had to unburden myself. I had to let it all go. I had to give my pain to God and once again ask His forgiveness.

And after I finished my prayer, I felt better. I really did.

Jennifer had seen me praying and asked me why I just started praying like that. I told her I was upset about something and needed to talk to God about it. She said I could talk to her about it, too, but I told her, "No, Jen. I already prayed to God about it. It's okay. I feel better now. I am going to let God handle it now."

That's when realization struck. "Let God handle it now." Wow. That's it! That's what the saying means! Just let it go and let God handle it. "Let go and let God." That's it!

I'm glad I was able to have that realization. There are so many times things will burden me. Things trouble me or get me upset. But from now on, once I pray about it, once I send it up to God, I'm not going to let those things burden me anymore. God will answer my prayers and He will guide me to the answers that I seek. He has done this for me so many times before. There are so many times I've prayed over things and something would happen -- I'd read the Bible, see a movie, see someone say something -- and my answer will be right there. (This has really happened! I have wondered about things, prayed about them. and later opened the Bible right to a passage telling me an answer.) So, as far as this recent burden is concerned, I know I can't put myself down about it anymore. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. Every parent makes a mistake, too. The important thing is that I realized that mistake, I talked with my daughter about it and I prayed for forgiveness. I just let it go. I let it all go. I let go...and let God.