An unanswered question

Before I get into this blog post’s subject, let me first say that I truly feel it is important to live in the moment. Focus on right now, this very day. And not the past. I wish I could say I am completely that person, but there are times I revisit things from my past and grumble over WHY certain things happened or wishing I could change things. Especially with people who aren’t alive anymore. But I always have to STOP myself and just change my focus. Get back into the present. And this is what I TRY to do, every day. Focus on the present.

But it seems that sometimes, things from my past tend to creep up on me, even things that I have not thought about for a long time. Even little things.

And that’s the case with something that came up recently, and that brings me to the subject of this blog post.

Last week, I noticed certain elements popping up that reminded me of something from December 2006. At that time, I was divorced and did not have transportation, so I was going through bus training to learn how to ride the city bus. (Up until then, I’d NEVER used public transportation to get around, and while I DID walk sometimes to get where I needed to go, weather here in Oregon, where it gets icy and sometimes snows in the winter, made getting into a vehicle for transportation a necessity.) So, yeah, I was going through bus training. It was not going very well, and on one particular evening, I climbed aboard the wrong bus. When the bus got to the bus station, I noticed there was just one other passenger sitting in the front. He was talking with the bus driver. At one point, he looked at me, then looked back at the bus driver to resume conversation. I realized the bus was back at the station for good. And that I’d gotten on the wrong bus.

So I walked up to the front and asked the bus driver if he was taking the bus out again and he said he was going home. I chuckled over my mistake then asked him about what bus would get me to West 11th, which was where I lived at that time. He gave me a number as he pointed in the direction of the RIGHT bus and I flew off that bus, the wrong bus, into the direction of the right one. All that time I was running, I was FOCUSED on getting to the bus. I was thinking, Must get on bus! Must get on bus!

Now there are two things in this story that I must point out. One is that the guy at the front of the bus LOOKED like someone – a certain singer. A singer by the name of Jordan Knight. And, as I ran to the other bus, I later, MUCH later, realized a guy I saw sitting on a bench on my path to the right bus ... kinda looked like his brother, Jonathan.

But I did not know that for sure. Not at that time. I didn’t recognize them. I am terrible at recognizing people, especially people I don’t know well. I mean, it COULD have been them, but if it was, why were they there? And don’t they have their own transportation?

Of course, I could think maybe they were there for a reason, and that reason could have something to do with a certain incident further back in time. (And as for that incident, I’m not even sure anymore if it was what I thought it was, despite what I found out. But that’s for a whole ‘nother blog post.)

Now the only thing that started bugging me again was that MAYBE that was them! And I did not recognize them. So why not find out if they had been there at that time? The reason why I was bugged about this again was because of certain poems in my new poetry book reminding me of that other incident and the novel coming out soon (the name of a character) AND certain tweets I was seeing on Twitter by certain people who know them. I mean, these three things came clashing together and was like a huge fireball knocking me off my feet! I spent a long time pacing back and forth in the kitchen arguing with myself about this. WHY even bring that up? WHY even make this an issue? Why now? What is the point of even trying to find out if that was them or not?

So I ran right past two celebrities. Big deal! I’ve done that before! I’d run right past people or SEE people then later, I’d be like, Hey, wasn’t that so-and-so? I used to live in L.A. and the L.A. area, so I’ve seen celebrities before. Sometimes without even recognizing them. And I saw them in the California desert, too. (You can’t live near Palm Springs and NOT see a celebrity or two.) The same goes with people I DO know. It's, like, later on, I'll be like, "Hey, wasn't that....?"

So I asked myself, why is this important? And, anyway, the New Kids on the Block have crossed my path before. Their tour bus went by the family car YEARS ago when we were in the process of making our one of many moves from one place to another, and I'm pretty darn sure I saw one of them (and Biscuit!) in Connecticut many years ago.

It would not be the first time we’ve gone right past each other without any recognition going on. (For the record, I am not one of those people who spend hours staring at their pictures, and I don’t go all crazy when I see celebrities. To me, they are just another guy or just another girl – though someone with exceptional talent so you don’t exactly fuck around with them!)

So why did THIS particular incident matter now?

I didn’t want to bring this up now. I have a lot going on right now. I have a lot more coming up real soon and even MORE stuff going on next year. Plus, I have issues going on with my son. So it’s not like I have the time to waste on trivial things.

And, anyway, that was from 2006! Almost 6 years ago! They probably don’t even remember it!

Which is why I decided to end my quest to find out. Yes, I DID decide to follow through on finding out, because in the end, I decided it was time to get an answer once and for all. This has been hanging over me for years and it’s time to just drop all that. I really do have stuff coming up in my life where I can’t be dwelling on these little puzzles from my past. I’ll need to be 100% focused and 100% in the moment. I consider 2013 my year to get ready for 2014, and part of getting ready is finding closure with unfinished business and resolving old issues and stuff. So I decided to try and find out.

Then, as I asked around, I started feeling silly. I was like, 2006? SERIOUSLY????

Now, chances are pretty good that WAS them. So, I am going to just tell myself, you know what? Yes, that WAS Jordan and Jonathan Knight! Dang! I missed them again!

And in the off, off, off, OFF chance that they read this post: Guys, I am sorry I didn’t recognize you. I think you guys rock! And hopefully one day, when our paths cross yet again, I WILL recognize you guys and maybe get to say hello.

There. My conscience is clean. Case closed! Now I will move on from THAT thing in my past and focus on other stuff.

I have a feeling that they have, too.