"It is finished"

I was watching The Nativity Story the other day. Such a good movie! I enjoyed watching this movie that was written from Mary's POV. How adequately it portrayed how frightened Mary must have been, just a teenager (if I recall Bible studies correctly, she was 14 years old), when told that she would marry a stranger she barely knew, a man 40 years old and who she did not even love. It also really zeroed in on her fears of what others would say when she conceived the baby Jesus. What if they didn't believe her? What if she was ostracized because of it? I mean, she faced DEATH because of it. But she didn't say, 'Oh, I'll just get rid of it.' 'I'll run away and no one will know.' 'I'll accuse Joseph of lying about his innocence.' No, she didn't do anything LIKE that. She took on her mission from God, despite her fears and worries. She said goodbye to a comfortable life and embraced the difficult road ahead of her.

And at the end of His life, when Jesus was on the Cross, His final words were this: "It is finished." He, too, had a mission from His Father. And now His mission had been fulfilled.

Jesus was 33 at the time He died. Just 33 years old, the same age I am right now. I am 33 years old, and I think about what it must be like to die at such an age. To pass from this world to the next at the age of 33.

In a way, I AM dying...to my old life. To the way I was before. Just recently, I have made a major change in my life. I have opened up my heart to Jesus and allowed God to have complete control over my life. I have completely surrendered myself and my life to God. I have committed myself to Him. Before, I was only allowing God in my life SOME of the time. Only halfway. Whenever it was convenient. And then I realized, "I either have God in my life COMPLETELY...or I don't have Him in my life at all."

Being a Christian isn't about serving God whenever I feel like it. It's not about doing what God commands of me to do when it's convenient or when I'm not so tired. Either I am a follower of God or I am not. There's no "conditional commitment" with religion. There's no religious conviction only some of the time. God wants us 100%. He doesn't want part of us or most of us. ALL of us. Our minds, our hearts, our actions. ALL of us.

This is one truth that I have learned. When I was trying to get pregnant with my son, I KNEW I had to conceive this baby. And I knew this baby was going to be a boy. I knew it was time for him to enter the world. I didn't know these things by dream interpretation or reading a crystal ball(which I don't actually do, LOL). I just KNEW it. AND I KNEW I HAD TO DO IT. Don't think about it, pray about it. JUST DO IT! And there was no question that I HAD to do it.

Just as I know one other thing now: I must end the life I was living in the past and take on this new life of devoting myself to serving God. I may not know everything that I need to know and I may get confused by things. Not understand things. Be deceived by things. (There are people I know all around me who have and still do tell me to do things that are not Christian.) I get so easily fooled at times and so...misled. But I know I must follow God and I must do it NOW. Not when I am 40 years old, not when my children are grown, not when I am stronger or smarter or richer or pretty. NOW. RIGHT NOW. And it is a calling I cannot ignore.

Before, a long time ago, I was devoted to being a Christian. People teased me about it. Even my own family members said I was having this "holier than thou" attitude because I chose to live the Christian life. This time, one worry I have had is that people will accuse me of being a hypocrite, because I'm not exactly perfect. I have lived an unfaithful life. I have done things in the past that were wrong. That were a sin. I KNOW this. I am not perfect. Nor do I aspire to be. I'm human, I CAN'T be perfect. But I CAN try to live a Godly life. I CAN make it a point to SHUN sin, to SHUN the bad ways, and embrace the Light of God. This is my mindset. I'm no saint, but I now devote myself to living a Goidly life. I know people will say unkind things to me...accuse me of having a "self-righteous" attitude and persecute me for my beliefs. Even try to lead me astray. But I still take on this new life of serving God, despite all of that. People will say what they are going to say.

I have said before in my prayers that I will never turn away from God. Despite being married to a nonbeliever, despite people judging me, despite people calling me names, trying to deceive me, mislead me and cause me to sin. Despite ALL of that, I will never turn away from God. And now, with this new life I am living, I still have that conviction with my whole heart. I will never turn away.

My old life and my old ways are over. Done with. It is finished.