Wrong choice of words

I can understand how people want to say the right thing, or the appropriate thing, during a conversation with others. I am the same way. Say the right thing and the appropriate thing.

But the thing I think about now is how people tend to say "I'm sorry" once they hear someone is divorced. And once they hear that I am divorced. I realize that with some people, divorce usually involves heartbreak or struggles or hard times. I know this.

But when people say "I'm sorry" to me after I tell them I'm divorced...they don't NEED to. I mean, really. They don't need to say it. I can understand the reason why they would say something like "I'm sorry" after I tell them I'm divorced. But me saying "I'm divorced" is just an answer to their question or to let them know I don't HAVE a husband when they ask "what does your husband do?" or "what does your husband think?" It's not me saying, "Give me your pity. Feel sorry for me. Oh, poor me." I don't want pity. None of it.

Life has been hard going since my divorce, but, you know, we're hanging in there. It's been a HUGE change for me on a personal level, but not in the way that I cry myself to sleep, or anything. You know, I don't cry over it. We were both civil about the whole thing. And even though we tend to get on each other's nerves even still, we are basically civil about it even now. There's no grief. There's no heartbreak. There's no "if only I had" or "if only I could."

There is just the fact that we are divorced. And, that's it. Life goes on. I am moving forward.

I don't want people to say that they are sorry that I am divorced. I don't want them to think I need any pity. I am just taking care of all the things I gotta do now. Sure, life is hard. But, it's JUST life. It's not me wishing it all away or hoping I'll be rescued by some "miracle thing," or whatever. But, you know, I'm getting through it. I've gotten over the pain -- that happened LONG ago. I have none of it remaining within me now.

Now, all I AM doing, is just living life. Picking up all the pieces of this "single life" I have to learn how to live right and just get everything back in order. I AM ready to be with someone new....but that will happen in its own time. I'm not rushing that sort of thing, because I no longer define myself by that sort of thing. If I remarry, then I remarry. If I don't, I don't. If I date someone, I date someone. If I don't, I don't. For the time being, I am just doing what I have to do with life. And I am letting God take the wheel.

My life isn't exactly "right" yet....but, you know. I'm getting there.

And I don't want people saying "I'm sorry" when I tell them I am divorced. Actually, a better thing to say to me would be... "Keep on keepin' on."

Embracing the Deaf World

I got my audiological report today. It was...kind of depressing. I guess I was disappointed. Apparently, my ability to comprehend what people are saying, even WITH a hearing device, was only at 48%. And that was WITH visual cues.

Darn. :(

I guess I got my hopes up too high. I wanted to believe I could have a problem-free conversation with others even if I wear a hearing aid. But I guess....short of a "miracle hearing aid" or something like that, I guess it can't happen.

I also guess on some level, I didn't want to believe I was THAT deaf. So I guess the proof is in the pudding now: I am SERIOUSLY, profoundly deaf.

I'm not ashamed of being deaf. But...I guess in some way, a part of me still wants to be in the hearing world. Wants to be a part of the hearing world. I was born into that world and it was a world which I embraced.

I guess losing some parts of that world are what hurt the most. Like music. It’s so hard living without music. Really hard. But, I deal with it.

And I know I must accept it. I haven’t yet, of course. I have just been hoping, on SOME level, I could hear music again. Enough to sing to it. Dance with it. Enjoy it! But, no. That can’t happen.

That’s stuff in the hearing world. Not in the deaf world.

It is the deaf world which I belong in. The deaf world that is my own.

It’s true the deafness happened many years ago. When I was 13. I’m 32 now. And it just...really was something that was never really easy to accept on a 100% level. But now I will, all the way.

A movie quote comes to mind here. The one from Elizabethtown, when Claire says: "You have 5 minutes to wallow in the delicious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, discard it ... and proceed."

I will proceed.

I won't lie down and take your crap!!!

People....seem to think that it's perfectly OK to judge others and come up with their own opinions on what other people are like. Even more pathetic is how they decide to let this BLIND TRUTH continue to blind them. They believe gossip. They believe rumors.

But they don't believe the truth. You know, they don't even bother to even ASK!

I guess it's like they've decided they have figured out what kind of person someone is and have decided to NEVER speak to them again or...give them the silent treatment.

And if that is the way a person is going to be with me, fine.

You know what? I'm not going to lie down and let ANYONE hurt me ever again. At all.

I don't care if people call me "mean" or coldhearted or "drama queen" or whatever. I. DO. NOT!!! CARE. At all. And if anybody, ANYBODY has a problem with that, then they're the only one's with a problem.

Yes, I DO demand I be treated with respect by others. Especially if it's someone I am in a relationship with. If I don't get that respect, if I don't get that love, FORGET IT. It will end right there. Life has thrown me ENOUGH BS to make me where I will not just "take it" from people who refuse to grow up or show respect to others. I REFUSE to be in that company. Even if that company is my own blood.

And if that makes me the loneliest person in the whole wide world...so be it. I have too much respect for MYSELF to let others treat me like dirt. I have been there and done that.... and I am NEVER going back.

And say what you want in your comments about this blog post. I am NOT posting this online as a "drama queen" act or wanting people to feel sorry for me. I want NO pity from anyone. This is just my little FYI -- to EVERYONE. And, yes, it's a PUBLIC FYI for the whole world to read.

Sound!

I have been working with Vocational Rehab to get a job. They have had me running all over the city having one test after another, one being a hearing test. I grumbled and stewed over the last one. I was, like, "WHY take a hearing test?? Doesn't the fact that I go 'huh?' every time you try to talk to me act as proof that I am deaf??" But, like a fellow deaf friend said when trying to comfort me, some things just need to be on paper. So, I reluctantly agreed to the hearing test. walking to the audioologist center in the rain (blasted car still not working! Gah!). And so I filled out paperwork. Talked to them about getting meningitis when I was 13 and my previous use of hearing aids, etc., before they hooked me up to that...listening thingy to test my ability to hear any sounds. I sat there wearing those earplugs, not really expecting to hear a single thing. (Ever since I was told in 1999 that I'd lost even MORE hearing and would need the strongest over-the-ear hearing aid on the market to even hear a little, I don't have much faith in ever being able to hear ANYTHING anymore, though I DID hear my baby crying with the help of a hearing aid I could only wear for 3 months after she was born -- more on that later.) But...I ended up HEARING some sounds! I REALLY did! I had this BIG smile on my face, thinking, 'Cool!' I only heard the high pitch sounds mostly in my right ear and SOME low pitch sounds. Not a lot, but some. And my right ear has better hearing than my left. It was AWESOME!! But not as awesome as...the audioologist speaking to me through the headset and I could hear THAT, too!!!! OH JOY!!!! I think most of it was also lipreading, because I didn't "hear" as many words when she covered her mouth, but I was still so psyched about hearing ANYTHING again!!!

Now. She said my hearing loss is profound. And that I had two options for hearing ANYTHING again: An over-the-ear hearing aid or a cochlear implant (CI). The meningitis only affected my outer ear, not inner ear. I didn't suffer nerve deafness. My eardrums were functioning JUST FINE so a CI would REALLY help me. Practically restore my hearing at 100%! But she said I would need an inner ear X-ray first to see just how well it could work for me. When I was a teen, I wore an over-the-ear hearing aid for years. When I lost more hearing, I had to get a stronger hearing. For some BIZARRE reason, the ear mold on my hearing aid adversely affected the skin on the inside of my ear. This happened about 3-4 months after my daughter was born. It was VERY PAINFUL and I ended up having an ear discharge because of it. I just stopped wearing the hearing aid, having NO SOUND at all (a hard decision to make). When I finally went to an ear doctor a year or 2 later (after yet again failing to wear the hearing aid), he did an X-ray and, oh my Lord, it looked BAD. There were lumps all inside of my ear and the doctor freaked out. The skin on my ear was VERY RED and the discharge was happening again. He tried a new ear mold and suggested I treat the skin twice daily with Neosporin to get the rash to heal. But even THAT mold made my skin irritation flare up again. :(

Now this new place is going to try one last ear mold to see if it will take. It's made of a different material. Typically, ear molds on hearing aids are hypoallergenic (or so she told me), so I'm only hoping this could work. If not, my only hope is the CI.

And given the technological advances they are making with CIs, I'm now a little more interested in having one. There just MAY be an insurance plan I can get to help me even AFFORD one. So, that is cool.

I am just SO PSYCHED over hearing sounds!! It was AWESOME!!!! Now I definitely hope I can get something that will help me hear even more!

So much for the nocturnal housekeeper

It used to be I'd put off doing a majority of the housework until the evening. I'm talking about the sweeping, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, cleaning the bathroom and the dishes. I used to say to myself stuff like "the day is too special to waste away cleaning." Now, this comes after I'd go on cleaning sprees that lasted for hours. Sometimes it would take me anywhere from 3-6 hours to clean my old apartment (well, it WAS two floors). But lately, I wanted to focus my energies on doing OTHER stuff during the daytime. Like ALWAYS be available for my child and the mom stuff (even when I'm on the computer, I jump in and out of my seat a lot). And spend time with my daughter; going for walks, reading together and stuff like that. I'm also doing the "writing work" but lately I have favored focusing that on early morning and late night routines. I want to change my writing schedule to where I'm not writing during the daytime, just in the mornings and at night.

Actually, my writing schedule isn't the only thing I want to change. Often I would be spending time with my daughter and her friend on the couch, reading a story or talking, and part of me would be thinking, 'I SHOULD be doing something useful. Why not dust or vacuum or sweep the floors?' And I'd answer that with, 'Well, I can do that tonight like always.' But I got tired of saving all that stuff for my evenings. I KNOW I get incredibly restless and VERY energetic at night, but I could put that energy into doing aerobics, or something. I didn't like saving the housecleaning duties for the evenings. I felt I wasn't being very productive during the daytime if I'm not doing the cleaning jobs I'm supposed to do.

Yesterday, I got restless. And since I couldn't go anywhere (it was pouring outside and my car is still out of commission), I got off the computer and started doing housework. All of the housework. (Admittedly, I ended up going a little overboard with the housework. But, I don't care! So what if my cabinets are clean! So what if the shelves are clean! ... They're supposed to be.) But I was disappointed it only took me two hours to clean the whole house. Wow, just two?? Good grief. And I was done a little after noon.

Well, I had the rest of the day to just do whatever. My job for the day was pretty much done. Which meant my evening was free, too! And I realized, well, that's a good thing. My daughter comes home tonight and I can spend that free time with her.

So the rest of my Sunday went pretty much relaxed. I read poetry and looked at artwork online (on deviantART) and even worked on my NaNoWriMo book. I balanced my checking account (the best way I could, anyway! I still have to go to the bank and check what I have with what's in there) and even relaxed on the couch with a book. I took a nap, chatted online and made some phone calls. I also spent some time leaving comments on the pages of friends on MySpace. (I like doing that because I know how much something like that can brighten their days.)

This morning, however, I woke up with excruciating back pain. It was horrible. I could NOT bend over. At all. I couldn't even tie my shoes after I got out of the shower. (And the shoestring broke on one of them! Sigh.) I tried doing one of the two Yoga moves I usually do to help my back pain, but even that hurt. I tried another stretch; it didn't help. I was in so much pain, it was awful. At one point, I had tried to get on the floor to somehow maneuver myself to tie my shoes, but I couldn't. It just hurt too much. I was so mad! I even started crying. I looked up at the wall to see my "life list" and I wanted to tear it off and tear it to shreds. If I was going to be in such a poor physical condition as this, there's no way I'd meet certain goals on that list. I wouldn't be able to travel. Learn Tae Kwon Do. Even learn how to swim. Well, MAYBE I could meet a certain somebody I hope to meet someday. And MAYBE I would get through the college courses I have yet to complete so I can get a college degree. But, everything else? Forget it.

This greatly depressed me. I WANTED to meet those goals. Why is my back so bad? Did I need surgery? A brace? Could it even be FIXED? Was my crummy mattress to blame? Did I need to just be more active?

Well, whatever it was, I had to live with it. I have to live with it now. I have that pain, sure, but, it's life. This is the way things are for me.

I also remembered I had to wake my daughter up. It was time to get her up now, and I HAD to get up and wake her up. I looked up at my list again and saw it as one thing: A goal. I had a goal right here and now, not on that list: To get myself up off the floor.

And even though it hurt like hell, I put all of my strength into my arms to lift/pull myself up. I managed to get to the other side of my bed (she had crawled into my bed to sleep with me last night) and thankfully, it didn't hurt so much when I sat down.

Now I'm starting to wonder if all that "going overboard" with the housework is a reason my back hurts so bad today. Or maybe my back just wasn't used to doing that kind of exertion in the daytime.

What drives me

While chatting with my best friend, Mark, I debated whether or not I should post personal stuff in this blog tonight, as I feel compelled to do. He wanted to know WHAT KIND of personal stuff. To which I replied, "Loneliness drives me tonight." I ended up dumping a bunch of "I'm so lonely" angst onto his shoulders this evening, which I later regretted because I don't like letting that part of myself show. I try to keep a positive attitude. An "all is well" environment about me.

But that can only last for so long.

It's true, I AM lonely. I am not going to whine about that here. But I will say that I have been out of the dating scene for far too long; I have NO IDEA how to meet someone new. Really, I don't. And I'm SO not going to rely on the Internet for THAT sort of thing. While the Internet can be a convenient way of "meeting" people in the area and stuff, I will never again trust anyone on the Internet with my heart. No, thank you. The last time I did that, I ended up suffering crippling heartache. That pain lingers even still.... but, no. Not anymore. The Internet is just an illusion. I need people. REAL people.

I DID try an online dating site once, though. I got messages from too many weirdos and it just scared me. I deleted my account with that site and I'm never using anything like it again. No, I have left my love life in the hands of God. In the hands of...Fate. The universe, really. I suppose if I am to meet with someone to share my life with, it will happen in due time.

All the same, I know I just can't sit around and WAIT for it. But I honestly don't know how to meet anyone new. I've tried...going to the bookstore. The coffee places. The library. Nothing. Oh, some guys DID chat with me, but it never resulted in anything more than just talking. I don't go to bars or clubs. NO WAY. But...I don't know. I tried Parents Without Partners, but there isn't one in my area.

My deafness is something I think about, too. I don't know any other deaf people locally. YET. And as much as it would be nice to be with someone who is deaf, just as I am, I REALLY prefer someone who can hear. I know, it would make things difficult for us. I mean, I wouldn't be able to dance with them. We couldn't see non-captioned movies together. Stuff like that. But, I really do prefer a guy who can hear. And I think....well, that's a problem, too. So far, I have chatted with guys who can hear, and the conversations went down JUST FINE. But I keep thinking...what if the communication troubles spring up? Yeah. It could happen. That pretty much keeps me from initiating conversation with a guy. (They usually initiate it with ME!)

But it's not just....the "loneliness" loneliness that bothers me tonight. It's...the loneliness of not being around people. As I've told Mark before, in one of my "letting my guard down" moments, "I'm sick of being alone." And, this is true. I really am tired of it. On days my daughter is with her dad, I am COMPLETELY alone. With the dog. LOL I have no one to talk to, unless I get online. Then sometimes there's Mark or Ash or Jon or Angel. (I LOVE chatting with Angel. LOL) Those are the only people I actually talk with, really. "Virtual people." People who aren't there. I used to talk with my neighbor, Darrell, a lot. Now we hardly ever talk. And lots of times, I'll see another neighbor, Jeremy. And, of course, my daughter is here and her friends are here, who I end up refereeing (and sometimes feeding LOL). But, that's about it. I don't see my friends very often. Sometimes I'll see them if I get to church. (Since the car died, that's a BIG IF!!) But...we don't go anywhere. We don't meet for coffee, or anything. And, it's frustrating.

I keep thinking....when I get a job, I'll make friends. (IF I get a job! *sigh*) When I go back to college...if I can even get the student loan! I'll make some friends. Friends to hang out with and stuff. Maybe even a new guy to be with. Wow, THAT would be nice!

Basically, I'm a very private person. But, I don't want to isolate myself from the world. If I do, I'm left to battle my own demons. And, I just don't want to do that. There's just too much out there in the world to see....

Plus...how can I write realistic stories with realistic people...if I'm not living out there in the world? I don't want to be out of touch with the world. I want to be a part of it.

I'm also thinking about what I have accomplished so far in life. And haven't accomplished. I mean, I've got five books published...another one getting published...still another getting fixed for another publisher. But, I just haven't achieved the kind of success I want to have as an author. Maybe I need to get an agent. Maybe I need to sign contracts with the bigger houses. Maybe I need to take some writing courses. Or maybe this "author" deal just isn't what I'm cut out for in this world, after all.

"Mommy's sick"

It would seem every time I get sick, I end up ending my sentences with two words: "Mommy's sick." This serves as half-FYI/half-warning to my child. In other words: "Mommy's not feeling so good, so PLEASE, please, don't throw a tantrum, yank me by the arm or expect me to go chasing after you come bathtime."

In other words, "Mommy's sick" is code word for "behave yourself, PLEASE!"

Every morning, I can be found doing one thing: Starting up the coffee. This morning, however, I chose juice instead. Cold juice. I woke up with my throat burning. I'm still coughing my head off and my head feels like it's on another planet. Everything is moving soooo sloooow. I'm literally having a hard time mentally processing everything going on around me. I have this permanent "huh?" look etched on my face.

When I sat at the computer this morning, I was coughing and hacking up phlegm. Yuck. I need to get some better medicine, I think. I also almost lost myself; my head took a spin and I almost came crashing down on the keyboard. I say "almost" because when I was inches from the keys, I regrouped and softened the drop. Ugh.

Then there was when I was resting my head on the desk, comfortably slouched into my chair. I finally opened my eyes to see my 5-year-old bent over, curiously staring at me with wide eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Mommy's sick," I slurred, coughing. I had already told her this this morning when I went into the kitchen to get her breakfast. And when I had to explain why I kept putting my hand on my head as I looked away.

"Well, why aren't you in bed?" she asked.

"Because I'm a mom, Jennifer. And you can't stay in bed when you're sick if you are a mom."

I don't know if she did this out of compassion or not, or whatever the word is, but she snuggled up on my lap and said, "I'm sick, too, Mommy. Let's both go to bed."

Ah. Sounds like a plan.

At least tomorrow is the weekend.

Survey

I'm sick. Again. How appropriate, with this being NaNoWriMo and all. When I get sick, I write like crazy. Don't ask me how.

I have a sore throat from my bad cough. Darn thing kept me awake all night. Also got a stuffy/runny nose. Ick. I'm taking meds but also drinking herbal tea to help soothe my throat.

Filled out a survey. Posting it just because. I wanted to post on this blog tonight and so, yeah, decided to post a survey.

I'm online a lot lately but not really in a chatty mood. It's mostly to tackle my THOUSANDS of emails (eek!) and do book research, make phone calls and find out what's going on with family stuff.

Here's the survey.

130 Questions

.: The Basics :.
Name? Dawn
Age? 32
Gender? Female
Location? Pacific Northwest
Hair color? Brown
Eye color? Brown
shoe size? 8
height? 5'7 1/2"
interests: writing, books, wolves, dolls, coffee, movies

.: Favourites :.
food: Anything BBQ
drink: Apple cider OR coffee OR Cherry Coke OR water
music style: Can't even HEAR music
music artist/band: GRYNCH!!! :)
tv show: ER
movie: A Beautiful Mind
thing to do: write
ice cream: mint chocolate chip
colour: blue
song: I have many old favorites
book: One of my faves is "Sole Survivor" by Dean Koontz
computer game: DOOM
board game: Scrabble
dessert: chocolate
quote: "There ain't nothing like regret to remind you you're alive"
animal: wolf
holiday: Halloween
number: 17
name: A favorite NAME?? LOL For a boy, William. Girl, Josephine. There.

.: Friendship :.
who's your best friend? Mark
other close buddies...? Nicole, Christine, some fam
last friend you hung out with: We don't hang out
last friend you hugged: Christine
last friend you saw a movie with: Pass
last friend's house you went to: My neighbor, Jimmy's
any friends you cant stand? Just SOME online friends
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with? Nope
if so, who?
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex? Yeah
most annoying friend? Can I answer with a sibling instead? Please?
most preppy friend? None
darkest friend? Ash
hyper-est friend? Nicole
nicest friend? Christine
funniest friend? Laysha
meanest friend? I don't have mean friends but Mark really irks me sometimes
most outgoing friend? Katherine
shyest friend? Pass
hottest friend? Darrell! LOL
friend with the best personality? Darrell
friend with the best music taste? Pass
friend who sings the best? Wouldn't know LOL
friend who laughs the most? Pass
friend you enjoy being around the most? the Grynch guys
friend who your parents love? Mark. Of course. ... They love him more than me!! *bawls*
friend who your parents hate? I wouldn't know.
friend your parents don't know about? The one I keep in my closet LOL j/k Uhh, the Grynch guys??

.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend? No....I had a thing for someone but my sister was all like "you don't even KNOW him; you're crazy!" so, so much for THAT!
if so, what gender? A guy!
name? We're moving on here. I'm not saying his name. Can't have any feelings for him.
how far have you gone? With a guy? Let me put it this way: I'm a mom.
with who? My ex-husband. LOL
the last person you kissed: see above. UNFORTUNATELY. I haven't been with anyone else since then. YET.
the last person you hugged: My daughter
the last person you wanted to kiss: The guy I had a crush on.
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)? If it's love, all the way.
hottest friend? DARRELL!! LOL Ohh, but Tobby is cute, too. And Sean. And...
hottest celebrity? Gah. George Clooney and Nic Cage.
if you could date any famous person, who would it be? I'm not exactly jonesing for anyone. LOL But, anyone? Roy Dupuis.
dream date: Candlelight dinner, walk along the beach, sitting together under a tree and snuggling, talking.
dream honeymoon: Ireland
age you want to get married (if not already) Been there and done that!
number of kids you want to have (if not already) Already have one. I would love to have more someday.
straight? Yes.
gay? Ask one or the other. LOL
bi? GUESS!
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi? If he was gay or bi, why would he get with me?....

.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush: Not into politics
rap or rock: Rock
pop or country: Pop
movie or tv show: Movie
girl or guy: Guy
fire or water: FIRE
death or life: Life
cheerleader or punk: punk
prep or jock: jock
kroger or publix: ....say what?
walmart or target: Target
avril or jay-z: Excuse me?
pink or black: Black
cheez it or cheese nip: Cheez It
cat or dog: Dog
tape or glue: Glue
msn or aim: AIM
mall or movies: Movies
writing or typing: Writing
phone or computer: Computer (phones are EBIL!!)
baseball or football: Baseball
p.e. or health: Health
high school or middle school: High school
dunkin donuts or starbucks: DD
amc or united artists: don't care
walgreens or CVS: Walgreens
brownies or cookies: BROWNIES. *drools*
reading or writing: Uh. Uh. BOTH!
surveys or polls: Surveys
livejournal or xanga: LJ
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson: ...who?
AFI or Jojo: Dunno
Green Day or Beastie Boys: Green Day
kill or be killed: Kill! Kill!!!
eat or be eaten: *blushes* Oh, my. LMAO
hate or be hated: BE HATED
ocean or pool: Ocean
singing or dancing: Neither.
heart or peace sign: Heart
halloween or christmas: HALLOWEEN!
question or answer: Question
fear factor or the o.c.: Fear Factor
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?: ....BOTH! LOL
Disney or The N: Disney
pancakes or waffles: Waffles
strawberrys or blueberrys: Strawberries
yogurt or frozen yogurt: frozen yogurt
kiss or hug: hug
guitar or drums: DRUMS

P.S. I love you

Here is the blog post I was too tired to post last night.

Today was really cold. This morning, the temperature outside registered at 25 degrees. 25!! Good grief! That is the LOWEST it has gotten since our move here to Oregon last May. I could just hear a friend of mine now: "Where the heck are ya, Alaska?" She has actually asked such a question in one of her emails to me before. And she lives in MASSACHUSETTS! This Ice-Ageisque weather has me often remembering a quote from a popular movie, "It's freaking freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth."

Later in the day, the temperature managed to move up a little, until it decided to settle in at 42 degrees. Even then, it was cold. The fact that I was wearing a skirt and sandals only made me colder! (Part of my Halloween costume, so I just wore it.) When I sat outside while my daughter played, I tried to get some writing done. Problem was, it's hard to write using pen and paper when your fingers are like icicles. My handwriting too unintelligible for even me to read, I abandoned this attempt and relied on memory instead, putting together scenes and figuring out problem spots to fix until my little girl, herself too chilled to the bone, decided she wanted to go back inside. Finally escaping into the warmth within my home, yet still chilled, I resorted to writing on the computer. It's a bad idea to try to type when your fingers are too numb to even feel the keys. Too many typos. But I had to get some writing done, anyway. I was in the middle of a chapter I was hoping to finish. I was also online as I worked and I shared my anger over my situation with an online friend. His response: "It's so hot hurr." (He lives in Florida.) Grr. Ack! I NEED CALIFORNIA!! I actually typed that right back to him. LOL I miss that California sunshine. I bet it was only 80 degrees in the desert! (Or maybe a nice 95 degrees.)

Not to whine and start going into one of those "I miss home" episodes, but after living in the California desert for 14 years, it's been a little hard for me to get used to living in the Pacific Northwest. I keep thinking about my sisters enjoying the not-so-cold late-Fall weather of the desert. If only I could be there to enjoy it with them. *sigh* I STILL want to move back. I STILL want to get a house in Palm Springs. Heck, I've wanted to live in Palm Springs for YEARS now. (And, yes, I KNOW it has its bad points, but there are some good points, too.) Well, at least now I can live there vicariously: My next novel is set in that very city.

Thinking about living in the desert made me think of my current writing troubles. When I lived in the desert, I wrote like a maniac. I was indeed the prolific writer. Of course, I know you can write from ANYWHERE, really. But it's something about the hot weather that gets my Muse into action, writing nonstop.

Wow. Thinking on THAT, I wonder if weather affects writers in that way. Do some writers work better in hot climates and others in cold climates? I wonder. I only know that living in a hot climate gets me writing. The cold climate just gets me doing everything else.