As someone who is dealing with grief, there are times that I will just retreat into a corner and feel a little sad. Or I’ll see someone that reminds me of a lost loved one and it makes me cry a little or remember them fondly. The other night, I was thinking about an aunt, and something that she was asking me about when she missed the ending of Rocky II after seeing it for the first time. Then the other day I was thinking about how I stayed up really late one night just talking and hanging out with a friend – who passed away almost 4 years ago. I know this is something that everyone who deals with grief goes through.
The death of my parents has been the hardest, though. And it’s been almost a year since my dad died. So last night I was thinking about him and really missing him. I was sad because I missed him so much. After a rough night of dealing with that, I went to bed, hoping that maybe I wouldn’t be feeling that sadness so much tomorrow. Before I’d gone to bed, though, I chatted with my older sister. We got to talking about our dad and she wondered if he’d made it to Heaven. I told her that I thought he did. In my heart, I believed that he did. We had forgiven him and I’d spent a lot of time at his funeral praying he would be allowed into Heaven and asking God to accept our forgiveness for our dad.
But the pain last night was too much so I decided to go to bed earlier than normal. It would seem I was not going to have a good night’s sleep.
I was awakened during a dream I was having. I literally felt a hand gently shake my shoulder to get me to wake up. After I woke up, I sat up in my bed and the first thing I did was look out my bedroom door. I saw the retreating figure of someone walking through my hallway. This figure had dark-colored hair (dark brown or black) and wore a white shirt. I didn’t see the rest of the clothing. Then I looked at the time. It was 3:11 a.m. I was alone in the room.
At first, I thought the person I’d seen was my daughter (she has dark brown hair and a pixie haircut), even though she hadn’t worn white when she’d gone to bed. I also thought maybe it was someone in the house. I knew it wasn’t my husband. He doesn’t wear a white shirt. So I got out of bed to investigate. My daughter was sleeping. My husband was both on the computer and watching Supernatural. And there was no one else in the house. The house was secure.
It was then that I knew a certain “visitor” had woken me up and had been who I had seen walking away in the hallway.
I checked on my 8-year-old son and found him halfway off his bed. I went into his room, put him all the way back onto his bed, moved him over a little so he wouldn’t roll off the covered him with his blanket. I figured this must’ve been why I’d been awakened. I wasn’t surprised I’d been alerted to something about him. This has happened in the past. There are ghosts in my house and many of them have woken me up several times in the past.
But had it been an angel that had woken me up this time? I keep wondering because of the white clothing. I first saw an angel after I moved into this house. I knew that the being I saw was an angel: He/she did not have wings (not that I could see!) but he/she wore a white gown and shown with a brilliant light all around him/her. The being had shoulder-length blond hair. I couldn’t tell if it was male or female (do angels even have genders??) because this figure was retreating down my hallway with its back turned to me.
Just like the being I had just seen earlier.
I would like to think that it had been my dad checking in on us. Seriously, he fits the description. (My dad had black hair.) And I would like to think my dad is indeed an angel now. I’d like to believe that he went to where my mom is. So I’d like to think that the being I saw was my dad.
This would not have been an unusual thing for us. I have seen my lost loved ones before. And I know that my parents have been here in spirit a time or two. My family has a sensitivity to this type of thing and we all believe that our lost loved ones can visit us in spirit form or in our dreams. My children believe the same thing, too. They have also seen ghosts.
And my son thinks that his grandma was once in a room with him. He can still remember the day that he had been jumping on my bed and he took a huge leap to the floor. Suddenly, he was caught in mid-air then gently lowered to the floor. He told me he thinks that his grandma caught him. I think so, too.
For a long time, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t see any angels. I saw ghosts just like everyone else in my family and I was able to sense when there’s someone in a room, and I have also “heard” ghosts, but I hadn’t seen any angels. But now I have. And with my parents being among the angels, it is comforting to know that I can see them every once in a while, too. It was certainly comforting to know that my dad knew I was missing him last night and maybe decided to pay us a visit. I hope I’ll see him again soon. I know I’ll be seeing him again in my dreams – and my mom, too – and those are the kinds of dreams that I cherish.